Chapter 1 – The Tenderlands – Wow & Pride

The job of Mom-ing holds so many stages. There is nothing earth shattering about that observation but it IS so true.  The woman who once carefully color coordinated the clothing and spit bibs of her firstborn child is the same woman who will sit in a theatre this weekend and watch that same child sing, dance and act til she has my eyes streaming and my heart pounding…I predict.  The same woman who often crammed a life sized stuffed lion into the back of her vehicle on road trips sat in a fancy Regina dress shop yesterday and watched as my girl who used to adore all big cat animals, (for years and years) tried on the dress we ordered for her grade 12 graduation, there have been no mandatory lions on roadtrips for a long time.   As I experience life alongside my girls they are taking me into new territory all the time.   This is a huge reality.  It certainly is not easy.   I miss what was but these days there are big realities filling the gaps, stirring big feelings. Because this blog is so much about them they both read it over and gave me their permission to post it.


I have been wanting to write about this all week but have not had time until today.  I want to write about the words wow and pride. 


I am on a plane right now.  It was terribly hard to pull myself away from the ranch and leave Russell, Morgan and Ron with the load there.  It would have been harder to miss Gina’s debut as Fiona in Shrek the Musical.   It is extremely extremely awesome that she landed this role.  Thinking about my inner world right now I notice that I am not so much proud as I am in a state of “wow!”  I am this girls Mom!  Practically speaking, it’s because of me that this girl even exists.  When I think about sitting in the theatre watching her do her thing, thinking these thoughts, I automatically feel so connected to my ancestors.  If it’s because of my existence that she is there, it’s because of amazing people with the last name Kyle, Carlton, Tubb and Thompson that I am here and basically an amazing genetic story is unfolding  before my eyes.  And of course, that’s only half the story.  As surely as some of Gina’s music potential is the signature of my family I think of Gina’s dance ability as a gift from her Dad.  He is like a butterfly on the dance floor and embodies music in a way much more thorough than I.  The Watt, Bayliss, McIntyre and Wheeler families are on stage this weekend too.  I think Gina’s strong stage presence is a result of the example set by her Dad who pretty much every day shows up for the people and events of his day with a solid message, “I am Here!”  That’s Gina on stage.  I am not sure what my direct influence is.  I feel proud of parts of my parenting.   I always used to tell the kids, “cry until you’re done.”  I think there are subtle messages within that, about honoring feelings and trusting yourself.  I think that might impact stage work.  Anyways……how did our girl who had so little prepatory training in our little town land so well?  I am not sure but I stand in awe of it all.  When I say “wow!”, this is the story behind the word.

Gina in a role she played a few months ago, Bonnie Parker of Bonnie & Clyde fame.
My Fiona, (sounds alot like the good rock song “My Sharona”)….A character that many of us will take in this weekend, either thru the livestream or in person.  Livestream and in person tickets available at tickets.ccpacanada.com

Jill…..my grade 12 graduate.  This week she brought me such feelings of pride.  She has had a hard couple of years.  Was it Covid in the world, the fast loss of her Nana, regular growing up challenges, coming to terms with her orientation in life, or other things, or a combination?   Likely a combination.   She has been struggling to work it through and it has not been easy.  

On the weekend she participated in the recital for her dance school.  I was so impressed with her.   Having missed a couple recent classes and not feeling super comfortable in her costumes she was uneasy as the day began.  She did what was within her control and showed up.   Her makeup was perfect, her smile bright, her presence strong and confident.   Any parent who has stood near as their teen struggled knows the behind closed doors side of adolescence.  It’s literally painful for all involved.  I think for me, its knowing that side of things that makes those feelings of pride so vivid.  Maybe too there is a connection to my own times of struggle.  I can appreciate what it takes to show up and be strong.  As I assign the word “proud” to how I feel about being Jill’s Mom  this week I think it’s because this stuff she is tackling is the big stuff.  Are you going to be proud of who you are?  Yes!  Are you going to be yourself?  Yes!  Are you going to claim your unique place in the world? Yes!  Are you going to show up for your team?  Yes!  Are you going to do this even when it’s hard?  Yes! In those moments it was all there, not perfect, but all I could have wanted.  I couldn’t talk with Jill about this afterwards without welling up.  I was so so proud of her.  Another piece of the pride puzzle happened a couple days later when at her student led conference her teacher told me “Jill always says hello and goodbye, she asks how I am and tells me have a good weekend, it makes a difference, she is sweet.”  Jill, are you going to try and really see the humans in your life?  This teacher feedback says yes!  Russ and I are so proud.

Jill can carry alot on her shoulders, literally and otherwise.

So Jill and Gina have been leading me into heart-filled places. 

It was touching to see them together again when we grabbed Gina from the theatre at lunch time today.

A Jill anecdote….  In the later hours of our 94 hour power outage I said an absolutely ridiculous thing to my friend Jackie.  I told the guys what I said.  Morgan then told Jill and he reported back to me that Jill said, “JUST when you think your mother is normal she says THAT!”   It was all so fun.

Jill has always been zesty, so when we stood on the same bridge featured in this March picture, she dreamed up this photoshop project and had it done before I knew what she was up to.   Obvious but fun!

Gina is in a position to help me.  During the power outage we were talking on the phone about the blog.  I was doubting myself.  She said, “Mom its your blog, it’s your voice, you can says what you need to say.”  I needed to hear that.  That is the reason I decided to initiate this series on the blog.  Being analytical and talking about innerstuff is who I am.  If my graduating daughter can rise to the challenge of “are you going to claim your unique place in the world?” With the answer “yes!”  Surely I can too.  I mean the calves are cute and everything but …..

But what?

There are tenderlands within and I like visiting there.

So until chapter 2 emerges….

….you  can find me at the edge of the Tenderlands in Shrek’s swamp and forest.

Day 30 – Calving Season 2022 – Its all about Babies

We have an interesting set of birth announcements to share tonight. It was quite a day and the way some details came together has us smiling.

It was exciting for Russ to check the heifers this morning and learn that “Jill” had her calf early on, she was very successful.

After school Jill took a selfie with the calf that Jill the heifer birthed this morning.

Yesterday morning the check of the cows revealed that “Morgan” had calved and all was well. Later this morning Russ reported that “CCPA” had calved. Thats a cow we named in honor of Gina’s school. That cow and calf seem to be doing well. By mid afternoon the big news of the day was in…..Kathy had calved and birthed twins! How odd that so many of our cows named after immediate family all did their work in such a short time.

Through a crack in the door I was able to get a glimpse of Russell luring Kathy and one of her twins into the trailer. He was working to get them home so that he can do good supervision and make sure both calves are getting cared for. That is not a given.
Witness the change in weather! Less clothes required! A short video that has Morgan delivering Kathy’s other calf to the trailer. It was not doing as well as the first and was found at a bit of a distance form Kathy.

All of this follows on the heels of the birth video that Jill captured last week, Georgie our heifer birthing her first calf. Georgie was my Mom’s name.

Warning: This is a birth video. It is wondrous but it is also too much for some people. This is Georgie birthing her calf, which has not yet been given a name. Jill is the photographer and narrator.

Another birth story from today is that our cow named “Flash” calved this morning and gave us twins. Two sets of twins in one day is quite something for us. The funny thing is that yesterday Jill spotted a child’s “Flash” superhero tshirt at the church clothing sale. She bought it for Coffee dog to wear. She has the same shirt. So this morning Coffee was running around the ranch in her Flash t shirt and Flash the cow gave us twins. A fun part of the day.

A video: This is Coffee in her t shirt walking through the heifers with Russell this morning. Coffee really lives up to the name “Flash”, she can really go fast. Russ is a good tour guide.

To top it all off, this morning Russ discovered that our cow “Sunflower” had a calf coming backwards. I had to be in town early on and could offer no assistance. Morg and Jill were in school. Ron was elsewhere. Russ was on his own. He got that cow to the working chute in the calving pasture and was able to deliver what was a huge calf, safely. It is very difficult to pull a backwards facing calf. Russ is currently describing the series of events that allowed this safe delivery to happen. It was epic and I am too tired to describe every step for you. How about I just brag for a second? My husband is one heck of a cattle man.

Lots of our cows named after my friends calved also in the last few days, it really has been a time for smiling at the birth announcement texts that come. Tanya, Sharon, Beth, Ali, Sandy, Peter, Marion, Trisha, Diane and Kristen have all given us calves in these days.

After so much struggle in the posts of last week, and much of my work time in the last 24 hours spent paying bills (not my interest or comfort zone) it is great to have these births to smile about!

Day 29 – Calving Season 2022 – Looking Back

Its Sunday morning and I’m hoping to get this all put together before Church. Russ and Morgan are out doing the morning check of the herd. We can’t help but compare how it is this morning to last Sunday when the storm had wreaked the worst of its havoc and we were breathlessly trying to figure out how bad things were. This morning there is some wind, the sky is cloudless, the birds are singing. Russ called to tell me, “do you know that things are just Ducky in the calving pasture?” I was a bit dense at the time, hardly awake, so I didn’t catch on that he was telling me that our cow named “Ducky” had calved. He is not yet done the morning check so this number could grow but in the last 48 hours we have had 52 calves (including a set of twins). Special cows that calved this weekend include Morgan, Tanya, Marion, Fudge and Cowabunga). We are deeply grateful that this is not how it was last weekend. This is as intense as it will get for us.

Earlier in the week, in a quiet few hours at the cottage, while keeping the home fires burning there I got started on this post. It is a glimpse of some of what we saw and experienced calving during a storm and power outage. The pictures span from Saturday until Tuesday and are different than the immediate storm update posts that were offered Saturday and Sunday. There is another couple of stories to tell yet. But this is plenty long.

    There has been so much calf action, bottles fed, rubs done, mercy, I have no idea who this calf was now.  However it was a quick warm up while the crew ate lunch on Saturday, Jill gave it a bit of milk or colostrum and then it was back to the barn to its Mama.  Jill carried it, we giggled a lot because it felt like a bit of a circus as it would start to slip and I did what I could to make it right.
    Saturday –   I took Coffee dog for a walk about 6pm.  When the stakes are high with the work getting done Coffee gets left behind because she is just not a good listener yet.  So….a walk was in order.  This was the view of our place, from the west, it doesn’t look that bad does it?   Within the hour 7 power poles snapped in half 4 miles south of us.  Not a quick fix.
When Coffee and I came across Ron outside he told us he was just going fencing.  This struck us both funny, its not a typical blizzard job.  The building snow in the calving yard was damaging fence and making it possible for cows to get over it. 
Having endured a morning of heavy rain and getting soaked through, then an afternoon with sleet that turned to snow, having done everything they could, including plug in the truck in the hope the power would return by morning, these guys were calling it a day.
Russ stopped me and asked me to take a picture of this new jeep sticker, he brushed the snow away.  A little mid blizzard humor.  Russ is a fan of Sasquatch stuff.
     Saturday night we set up and played a new game while eating cheese ball, crackers and chips for supper.  I had pizza dough rolled out and bun dough ready to shape when the power went out.  Clearly I was way too optimistic.  Russell was so cold and so tired, this game was an act of love, Morgan could hardly wait to try out the game he found in the easter egg hunt.  It was meant for Christmas but was in a box in the office that Morgan peeked into.  Shute. 
The snow on our bathroom window when we went to bed Saturday night. How is a person supposed to sleep picturing this coating your animals and they were wet to start off with?
     When Russ and I got up Sunday morning we wondered how we would handle the sheer number of calves likely to need a warm up in the cottage.  We were picturing six or more calves strewn about.  In the end there was only one in that day.  It took a long time to gather its strength and needed a lot of encouragement, however, when it came time for a bottle it happily gulped back the milk I made so I made more.  Russ thinks it has fluid on its lungs, back with its Mom it has not thrived, despite the meds he gave it, he has decided to leave things to their course.  Now four days later, at the time of posting this the calf, whom we called “Cottage”, is doing alright.
Last summer we added an outhouse to our cowboy cottage set-up.  I was non-committal about the importance of this.  Let me say how thankful I am for it and Russell, “you were dead right!”  Next on the list….a big generator for the ranch.
Just as I was getting in the truck on Monday morning to go to the pasture and get the fire going in the cottage Russ asked me to come help him, we had a heifer calving and its calf was big, it needed to be pulled.  Russ did not expect to find the calf alive but as its head emerged indeed it was breathing.  As Russ started to work on the calf the Mom prolapsed.  After a swear Russell’s first words to me were “call Marcel” and then he pushed that prolapse in as much as he could and using his arm kept the prolapse mostly within the cow.  He remained that way until Marcel got there, which was as fast as he could, but it took a bit of course.  The strain caused numbness and pain for Russ that lingered through the day.  He is very tough.
   When Marcel took over Russ went to the house to take off his goopy clothes.  By this point Morgan was on the scene and he became Marcel’s assistant.  The heifer named “Éclair” had got up just a minute before Marcel walked in and we used the rope I had placed on her like a halter to get her snubbed up to the side wall.  She settled down there and was not willing to move again.  In this less than ideal set-up Marcel persevered and got the surgery done that kept the heifer alive.  He needed Morgan to position himself in a certain spot and with enough force to keep the heifer positioned well enough for the procedure.  When it was done I overheard Marcel speaking to Morgan with all the coaching instinct that lives within him.  He is Morgan’s volleyball coach, his instinct to be a coach is something I love experiencing.  I have seen it many many times.  Here I overheard him praising Morgan for the way he handled his job.  He gave quite particular feedback and it warmed my heart.
Ron and I were in charge of anchoring the rope that snubbed the heifer to the wall.  I stepped away for a minute and got the chance to grab a picture of Ron poised to tighten that rope at the least movement.
Russ – back with dry and clean clothes on, after all he had been through with this cow I caught him petting it, it touched me.
   This is my sister and brother in law.  Over the course of the storm they sent me three pictures of them doing their weekend with one of our Bar MW mugs in hand.  It was such a vivid sign that they were thinking of us and holding us close.  I learned something from this which I will say more about another day maybe.  In the meantime I was very pleased with myself when I texted back a play on words, their last name is Sollid, and I said, “thanks for the Sollid-arity!”  I meant it. 
Just a nice moment.  This calf needed a bottle when Russ was not able to locate its mother.  The mothering up process was definitely impacted by the storm. 
As a result of a really cold night the 2nd night of outage we had a water line freeze to the cows watering bowls and it was not possible to get it thawed.  So we ran hose and put a trough in and Jill spent hours yesterday afternoon supervising the filling of the trough.  From that point she got many pictures. 
Something very beautiful happened that Jill documented for our family.  We have a heifer (a female cow who has never had a calf, yet) that we named Georgie.  That is my Mom’s name.  The previous cows we had named Georgie died.  We love having a cow named Georgie in the herd so we assigned a heifer the name.  While Jill was doing her water job yesterday Georgie began to calf.  Jill caught the whole thing on video which I will share when data service is stronger.  It is fascinating I think.  The beauty here is that the birth went well, Georgie proved to be a great Mom and her calf is a little mini me.  They are just gorgeous together.
One of our cowgirls and her daughter delivered hot casseroles to us for supper Monday night.  This was really appreciated.  The message that came with it touched our hearts so much.  There was a big one for us and a little one I could drop over at Ron’s house.  We all needed that warm food. They brought with them food from one of their relatives, who doesn’t know us, but once cattle ranched, and in sympathy sent us what we needed for a lunch we could reheat on the wood stove the next day. Great biscuits were part of that. How generous and kind.
Grandma Shirley hosted us for tea, cookies, device charging and showers late on Monday.  It felt so good.
I snuck over to Shirley’s in the late afternoon to get things started charging and have my first cup of tea and shower.  Russ and Morgan went in after supper.  Therefore here I am at supper already feeling fresh and flowy. 
Steaming coffee is a wonderful sight. We had filled our thermoses with boiling water at Shirley’s the night before and didn’t need to wait for the stove to heat water.
   On Tuesday morning Russ and I were alone in the cowboy cottage for the first time since the storm started.  It was noticeable to me, and I think Russ always notices, the subtle goodness that comes from a moment of rest, shared together.
If selfies required titles I think I would title this one, “thankful for a pause.”

If you made it this far, good job, it has not been an easy read perhaps.  I have one more thing to share, a set of pictures which is just for fun really, but at the same time it is kind’ve interesting.  There are 8 pictures of total porch chaos as the crew gets ready to head out for Saturday afternoon.  At this point clothes soaked by rain had been almost dried in the dryer, rain had turned to sleet and the nastiest of the weather was approaching.  There were serious layers being pulled on, physical and mental preparations being made for what was ahead I do believe.  Four minutes pass during these 8 pictures while all that happens is people getting dressed and dogs getting excited. 

This is the picture that cracks me up the most….three layers of action, dogs in foreground, crew in the mid and Jill feeding a calf in the back.

Day 25 – Calving Season 2022 – Check-in

Things are not getting easier as quickly as we had hoped. We still do not have power (94 hours and counting). We are among the last in our area. It has been such a crazy time.

The scene here as I write this. Russ and Morgan have moved two groups of cow calf pairs to spring pasture today. About a mile long walk. These calves have stolen my heart this spring.

It has been humbling and at times heartwrenching living these days. It feels like there are a million stories to tell, most of them with happy endings.

One of the main challenges for me is sleep deprivation. That makes me fuzzy headed. I have caught alot of balls these days but I have dropped alot too. Just can’t hold everything there is to think and feel.

I have a more complete blog with some sense of the days partially done if you are interested. I just lost my will to create for a bit. Until then, just know we are keeping our act together, with lots of help and isolated showers of tears.

With my kitchen in total chaos behind me I tried on my sassy look this morning.

4:25pm

Edit

The power just came on. So much relief. Now what do I do first?

Day 22 – Part 2- Calving Season 2022

We have been able to charge our phones enough that I am glad to do an update on this day.

What started off as so scary turned out really quite well. Our herd is doing okay, the shelter in the calving yard worked well enough that the incredibly gusty wind was not able to create the devastation it could of whenn combined with the snow. So….our work was not overwhelming. The sun came out this afternoon changing the day entirely. Our house is currently 73 degrees due to the power of the sun. We are not shivering, 26 hours into this power outage. The wind has finally settled. Jill persevered with emptying the sump hole until the generator got switched from watering the cows and horses to running sewer and septic pumps. We avoided basement disaster so far with that. Things feel ENTIRELY different at 8:30pm than they did at 5:30am. We are all so profoundly grateful. It kindv’e feels Iike a miracle.

Here are a few pictures from our day….

Laurie worked at Russell’s side all day. About 5pm I restoked the fire and got ready to make possibly 3 bottles for calves whose Mama’s had abandoned them or got disoriented or something. After these two were done their last round I needed to make no bottles! Not magic but persistence and cowboy bossiness.
What a different view from the porch of the cowboy cottage at days end.
This was the morning scene.
David got busy making us supper after helping in the morning. This felt like such a loving act. A pretty great generator at his place meant he and Linda had their extended family and us fed. This warm and DELICIOUS food was so needed. Wow!

Day 22 Part 1 – Calving 2022 – Ummmm wow

A quick update. Power went out about 6pm last night. It was a tough night with the wind blowing so hard. I had long stretches of laying and wondering and worrying. It was very hard to keep myself calm. This morning we arose to a view that had Russ cussing immediately. We jumped into gear. I have been transplanted to the cowboy cottage where I have the fire going. Jill is home handling the sump pump hole which is filling as a result of the big rain that started yesterday off. We have some drainage issues to deal with. Jill s on hand to help Morgan with the heifers. Ron is busy doing all the various things he is so good at. Russ and Laurie are here dealing with the big herd. Last night had very few losses. Honestly I was expecting disaster. David is coming out soon and will be helping Ron with some feed and bedding hauling.

I wrote that last paragraph a few hours ago. I have been hosting humans for warm-ups and coffee and only a single calf. He is not doing very well. Russ is going to bring him 4 cc of Nuflor, maybe a touch of pneumonia. I think. We have had many moments that I have tried to grab pictures of. Until we have power restored, which sounds like a long way off yet, poles are broken in many places, I need to stay off my phone as much as possible.

Here are a few pictures of my day so far.

I came to the pasture first. Russ and Laurie were dealing with heifer issues at home. My job was to get the fire going. I was relieved to see the cows looking good. This moment is a “when the doctor is on the horizon” relief moment. Laurie pulling the trailer, Russ behind in the jeep.
Laurie getting the trailer backed up to the loading chute. There were 2 calves in it. Last night they got separated/lost from their Moms. We couldn’t figure it out. They came home and got bottles and shelter.
Russ and Laurie urging the calves towards the herd of Mama’s. I believe they have now both been claimed.
I discovered we had one mug at the cottage. Laurie drank from a cookie container.
Laurie posed for this picture, I told him he is a bigger rock star than Elton John. Amazing support.
David brought thermoses of coffee and Morgan brought cups from home. I was in business.
David got to bond with my calf while in the midst of his delivery of bales job. He cared for us amid the needs of his own family. Much appreciated….
My cold calf upon arrival.
Not perking up really……
Over and out from the cowboy cottage.

Day 21 – Calving Season 2022 – Saturday morning coffee.

At 9:28 am we have received a fair bit of rain but the wind is not outrageous and temperatures are hovering at 1 degree celsius. We expect rain to become snow this afternoon. I am not in the mood for a super serious post despite the fact that these are serious days we are living. I feel like with the rain falling it feels more like a good day for a book or a cup of coffee with a friend. That is my privilege as the person not responsible for outdoor life today. So come on in for a coffee. Here is what I might tell you……

Russell told me a joke this morning as he was getting dressed. He asked me, “where do superheroes go for their holidays?” The punchline: Capetown. I have to admit that I was only half listening while he started his joke, I think I was on my phone (insert sheepish emoji) so I had to get him to repeat it. When I truly heard it I was greatly amused but didn’t laugh. That is witty. This is where Russell did a classic Russell move, he decided that my laughter was not nearly what the joke warranted and he coached me to really laugh out loud. Which of course by this point was just fake laughter but it was fun to have moments of lightness. Anyways, here is the thing, with all that the ag industry is going through right now, especially, very vividly, the ones that are seeing babies of many kinds born, we have to pull out our hero instincts and so I would like to propose that when things lighten up a bit we have a party in Capetown for all us producers who need to deal with our capes, they are getting pretty muddy.

Another fun thing from this morning is that Russ notified me that there was a pair of socks running loose in the house. When I asked for clarity I learned that Russ had taken a pair of yellow polka dot socks from his drawer but before he put them on he misplaced them. He advised me to keep an eye out for them. Later when I was tidying in the kitchen I found them. I took a picture and sent it to him.

I like Russell’s sense of humor. It helps him survive hard days.

Our friend David has helped us survive some weird days. On Monday when Russ was backing up to the loading chute in the calving pasture his back window made a popping sound and then began the process of shattering. There was no impact that caused this. It is a complete mystery. I took this picture yesterday morning through the shattered window as Russ and Morg were pulling away in the old white truck, leaving the new one so that Jill and I could drop it off at Powell Autobody for a new window. While there Jill and I had trouble with the Hyundai, David kept it, got his guys to have a look at it, and sent us home in his truck. Then last night he and Linda came for a coffee and dropped off our truck and the Hyundai, and picked up David’s truck. We were totally spoiled.

Yesterday on the blog I spoke of my battle with jinxy thoughts. I pondered if the new ring I had been wearing was causing all this bad weather. A ridiculous thought. However, I did decide to put my great grandma’s wedding band back on. Not because I am sinking into jinxy thinking, but because it is actually super meaningful to me. My Great Gram wore it through WW1 and WW2, she wore it through many hard and happy events in the family, so I am going to wear it, a reminder that the women in our family are used to dealing with tough things.

The two rings are not a great combination but its what I need for these days.

One of the serious moments of the morning came when Russ said, “as best as I can tell from reading the forecast, we are in for about 48 hours of hell.”

As Russell’s morning check proceeded and I wasn’t getting a call to prep the warm up room for a calf I decided to pull out the frozen tart shells that have been hanging loose in my freezer for quite some time and make butter tarts. If you were here for coffee I would offer you one or more.

This kitchen never looks this tidy. Our broken dishwasher is forcing some discipline into our kitchen work and it is a good learning experience.

Yesterday was a good experience for me. After the morning blog which was pretty raw I found myself feeling very supported. There were tangible things like texts, messenger messages and facebook comments. There were less tangible things, like a general sense of lightness, optimism and focus that helped immensely. I see that as the power of prayer. We are thankful for all the ways that kindness and grace flow into our lives, thanks for your part in that.

Grace flowed this morning that is for sure. Our cousin Laurie was on hand very early to help with whatever needed to be done. That is the main reason that my phone never rang. It allowed Morgan to sleep in and then have a leisurely breakfast. He is going to need the fortification I think. When Russ did phone the baking was done, he said, “I’m coming in the yard and backing up to the barn I’ve got 4 cows and 4 cold calves I’m unloading, and I’ve got Anders, she is calving, if you want some pictures of unloading cold calves come on out. If you come out, can you bring me a coffee? 4 scoops.” (Russ drinks very strong instant coffee.) I was quite thrilled to be able to say to him something that I hardly ever say, let alone at 8:35am, “I have just baked a double batch of butter tarts, should I bring some out?” He said, “yes, fuck, bring two each!” The unloading process turned out to be a bit of a trial. I was no help except to hold the trailer door open and alert the guys when one of the cows was starting to come back in on them into the trailer.

Laurie on the left, Russ on the right, urging the last calf in towards its Mama. Great teamwork.
Coffee and butter tart break in the tack room.
Morg was fresh at this point. Russ and Laurie were so wet.

Morgan isn’t so dry now. He just came up beside my office window, then tied his horse on Marlene’s old clothesline pole. He came in looking for a coffee. With thermos cup in hand he strode back out. I am not sure what his agenda includes, he is in charge of the heifers while Laurie and Russ and Ron are getting some feed and bedding issues taken care of.

Its Saturday morning, are you getting a chance to rest or do the circumstances where you are have you hopping? What book will you read today? Do you like butter tarts? All these questions are top of my mind as I think about having a coffee with you. Maybe someday! But until then, mercy we have some challenges ahead.

Day 20 – Calving Season 2022 – Fear

Its 6:30am on Friday morning, I feel like apologizing. If I am to say what I am really thinking this is going to be a downer.

We have another bad storm predicted, this one looks worse than last weeks, as the forecast goes. I ran into a friend yesterday at Regina Costco, he had been studying the forecast/radar and his take on things was bad. Worse than Environment Canada’s. Who will be right? Only time will tell. I left Costco and in the three hour drive home I could not shake my stress. So many thoughts.

Its weird the thoughts you have. This will be our third storm in 11 days, the second one being “only” 6 iches of snow. They remain a blessed source of moisture but such a struggle to get it. I have caught myself having jinx thoughts. I got a ring in Victoria last month, when we got home I took off the ring I have been wearing on my right hand since I was ordained, my great grandmas wedding band, and I put on this pretty ring from the gift shop at the Royal BC Museum. I caught myself thinking this week, “ever since I put this ring on the weather has been crappy, this is my fault.” Clearly there is so much wrong with this thinking, starting with the fact that I quite simply don’t have that much power. That jinxy thinking reflects a desire to make order out of the circumstances, everything within me is struggling to explain why we are dealing with a triple pile up of storms. We talk about epic blizzards of the past, they are isolated once every three or four year events, not twice in 11 days. For us this one has potential to be much more impacting because our calving has really picked up speed, we had 20 calves yesterday. One came in the house and Jill helped it out as I was doing the doctor routine in Regina with one of my people. I cannot fathom what tomorrow might bring. Also, how do you keep all the calves well that are already born and established. Mercy.

All of this is really hard for me as a Christian. I don’t have the time and energy to go into all that is stirring in my head, there is alot of wrestling going on. What I do believe firmly is that God is at work to give us strength, help us within and bolster us with a sense of “you are not alone, I am with you.'” What I don’t believe is that if I pray hard enough God will decide to change the weather. Cue the fight with God I had after my 28 year old brother died of cancer. Yeah, this crap runs so deep, this dance with suffering and how I hold it. Through all this I will attempt to live the truth I have been moving towards, God longs for us to be whole, and it happens despite crappy circumstances, not because God makes life easy for me (although as lives go, mine has been pretty golden……cue the well of unending gratitude that I grew up in Saskatoon in the 70s and 80s in a family where there was tons of great wisdom.)

So……I am going to bed tonight beside one of the heroes of the world. A guy who will face down danger, cold, frustration and fear. I have the power to affect the amount of fuel in his tank. How do I max out that potential? I am going to feed one of the more resilient teen men I know, what can I offer that 15 year old to keep him going strong amid the cold, wet, dangerous and frustrating conditions? I will be cooking, vacuuming and/or mopping and /or laundering hourly because of the spring mess on the dogs and the debris on calves. We can only hope the power stays on again, as it did last time. Jill is on the team without a doubt. How can I max out our teamwork effort amid all that life holds? How do I stay strong amid my fear? I am afraid of loss of life, of suffering, I am afraid of the chaos some of the hours ahead will hold. Feck.

So, yeah, just a light Friday morning check in.

In the two days since I published a blog a few things have happened that created some cool pictures or good updates.

My patient of a few days ago, “Little Kiss” is alive and getting stronger. Thankful!

The little calf “Kiev” is doing well. We continue to hold the city Kiev and Ukraine close in our hearts.

Two of our “Up With People” cows calved, Antonio and Amy. Russ is in contact with Antonio despite him being originally my friend. That meant that almost as soon as Antonio was born there were pictures zinging their way to Mexico. Its a small world after all and my heart is smiling.

The calves that Russ, Ron and Morg got sheltered in our “silver shed” during blizzard number one, with more added, made their way down the road to their spring pasture on Wednesday. This might have been premature it now seems. Anyways, Jill and I were on hand to ensure they made the turn at the low level crossing road. Russ called me before they left the yard and he said, “well this roving klusterfuck is about to get going”, he was not expecting good things. It went very well.
Here they are after the turn, heading south, a small cowchase. An oilfield guy was in the right place at the right time to help get them turned in at the gate. Russ was sure to tell me about that. In this group is Mo and her calf “Scott”, you might remember them as the calf that Russ wrestled onto his shoulders with my help and a few swears during blizzard #1.
Is this not the cutest thing you have ever seen? Jill and I went to the pasture to pick up a calf that Morgan was standing guard over, it had been abandoned by its mother too long. We wonder if it was a twin.
Russ adopted this calf onto one of Morgan’s cows, “Willie” in honor of Willie Nelson. So this little one is Steve Earle. At first I thought Russ was naming it Steve Earkel, an endearing nerd from 80s TV, but no its Steve Earle, a musician. I would like either name.

Thats it for today. The routine of the day must begin. Please pray for our strength, for the instincts of the cows to remain vivid, despite the crazy making wind predicted, for grace to flow however it can. Thank you for everything.

Day 18 – Calving Season 2022 – Ode to the Helpers

Its almost 7:30am on Day 18 of calving.  I never blogged yesterday, in part because I went out with a friend last night and once home it was bedtime.  Russell and I have decided we need to get to bed earlier, we are both exhausted.  It is me that keeps us up late, we always go to bed together, so If I’m up puttering, just doing “one last thing” or putting the finishing touches on a blog, it means late nights sometimes.  The morning alarm then feels very hard to respond to for Russ, meanwhile I can sleep later.  SO, I am here now catching up on yesterday a bit and I have committed to Russ to quit my late night to do list.

It was a hard day.

It was a good day in lots of ways, we had nine calves born by 9am.  Our good news calf “Kiev” from day 16 was doing well.  Here is a video that Russell sent me of Kiev and her Mom leaving the little barn and moving into the pole shed with other established pairs.  This was heartwarming to see.

But it was a hard day.

It was so cold and windy which meant very harsh conditions for calves.  It was likely inevitable that I would have a calf come into the house.  That started early on, after Russell’s first check, he didn’t think the calf needed too much, mostly a warm up.  It turned out I had about three hours with it.  Despite my best efforts I did not make a lot of progress.  The calf was the son of “Kiss”, we named it “little Kiss”.  I made progress but it was hindered by little Kiss’s unwillingness to take anything from a bottle.  So he was warm and dry after lots of work but lacked vitality.  I made the judgment call to have him return to his mother.  Before he left Jill gave him a needle, an intra muscular injection of vitamins, not the exact formula recommended to us on Facebook after Day 16 blog but what we had on hand.  Morgan came and got him and did the fireman carry back to the barn, taking Kiev’s old spot.  When I checked him just before lunch he was not doing that well, Kiss was standing over him and looking at me with an expression that I thought meant, “help me.”   I called Russ.  He came in at lunch and said he didn’t think little Kiss was going to make it but he couldn’t do anything to assist at that point because when he tried to go in the pen Kiss wanted to kill him.  So.  I guess Kiss was not in the seeking help mindset I had guessed earlier.  The optimistic city girl strikes again.   Later conversation with Russ had me sitting at my desk, trying to work but feeling just horrible.  In those short hours I had bonded with little Kiss.

I made an adorable video of us together, one that made me proud of who I have become, and now the calf was suffering and probably dead.   Little kiss didn’t die, but was not thriving as we went to bed last night.  Russ had left the gates open so that Kiss could maybe leave and go into the shed but she did not leave and little Kiss persevered.  This morning I got a picture of the two of them, little kiss is still not looking just right, but she was not dead at daybreak.  I don’t know what to think.  I wish I had given her a little more of my time and patience, I should have got miracle worker Jill on the case earlier, I don’t know.

It was a hard day because the calves are coming very steady now and a little bit of a circus effect builds up.  Russ’s head is spinning, remembering who has calved and watching for good bonding, trying to figure out what he is seeing when he spots a calf on its own, the snow makes everything harder because the chance for everybody to be spread out is not there in the same way.  Keeping the cows crowded together heightens the chance of disease and parental confusion, occasionally after a bad snow storm Russ has four cows claiming the same calf, and abandoning their own and all “fighty”.   Its just a tricky circus and it looks like it will be for a few days more.  Russ is tired.

It was a hard day because we are starting to glimpse a pattern.  Its our 2nd calf heifers who seem to be having the calves that are not thriving, or who are not thriving as Moms.  Russell’s theory is that the hard winter we just got through took a toll on these girls who were not as big or fat as our more established cow herd.  They struggled more.  We hate that. 

So, a day that is a litany of hard things is a good day to celebrate the helpers.  They bolster us a great deal.  The week we have put in was boosted by friendship, by random acts of generosity and by solidarity.   Shortly after the blizzard day we had times when two different local cowboys came to ride with Russell and Morgan, to assess the herd and move it in for the night.  Strictly speaking it was not necessary, but it was nice, someone to listen to Russell and Morgan’s stories, to share a joke with, to share the scope of what we are doing.  So these cowboys, Laurie, a cousin who works in the oilfield and David, our friend who runs an autobody shop in town, had the instinct to draw near and see and do what we were seeing and doing.  It meant a lot.  With no pictures from their time this week I pulled some old ones to put some visual to their presence with us.

David and Laurie working with us on a December day in 2020. (A Liz Griffin Photography image.)
Laurie at the start of our longest cowchase that we must do – October 2, 2021 (A Liz Griffin Photography image.)
David hard at work – December 2020 (A Liz Griffin Photography image.)

Last year a manager with Athena Oilfield told Russ they could help us out if we needed it.  “Be sure to ask” was the message Russ got, so when Russ saw a snowblower clearing one of their lease roads near to our working chute at the calving pasture he made the call.  The end result is that we had some professional snow clearing equipment on the job clearing a spot where Russ had already spent two hours cleaning out.  Blowing snow meant Russ was already almost getting stuck again.  After the job was done Russ could bring the truck into the loading chute at the pasture and had enough space to get turned around as well.   What a gift to us.

Russ took this picture from the skidsteer, its not great but you can see that green blower on the back of the bigger tractor on the left.

We had some offers of help that we didn’t need to call on but it is sure nice to know that people are ready to help.    

A fellow we are only barely acquainted with called to offer Russ an extra trailer and diesel generator he had, wondered if we might need them to warm calves.  It would not have been easy to get to us with these items but he was willing to try.

A neighbor who lives about 5 miles away called Russ during the blizzard to offer his help.  He doesn’t have cattle anymore.  I could not imagine how he was even going to get here, but he was willing to leave his people and try.  That is solidarity. 

Neighbors who live further, and have cows, but are at a different point with calving called to offer to come over and help, again, how would they even get here?  Hard times bring out people’s courage and stamina like nothing else.

Numerous people checked in with Russell and I during the days, sharing strength with us by their concern for us.

So day 17 was a hard day but a good day to ponder what blessings we have known, the kind of blessings that severely soften the blow of the hard days we can’t escape.  Our United Church creed starts off “we are not alone, we live in God’s world.” I have that in my head as I ponder all that I shared today.

And here is a latebreaking update……just about to hit the Publish button and I got this 13 second video from Russell.

After this another video came through, but it was pretty fuzzy, Russ had to tell me, it was a video of little kiss actually taking milk from its Mom. Thats the magic! I am feeling soothed by this development, and thankful.

Day 16 – Calving Season 2022 – Krakow, Kiev and Caring

The day started when my phone rang and Russ was on the line asking me to get the heater going in the dog room, he had a cold calf to bring in, it was about 7:15am. 

The calf did not act predictably at all, for instance it clenched its jaw shut and would not even suck a finger placed in its mouth. We could not figure out what we were seeing, but wondered if its Mom had stepped on it. 

Russ took this video early on in the morning.

In the video when Russ suggests we name the calf Kiev my brain was in a scrambly state.  I thought it was not a good thing to name a dying calf after a city fighting for its existence.  Not for the calf’s sake, but for the city’s sake.  Not that what happens on our ranch is going to effect the balance in Ukraine, but I just feel like we should be careful about such things.  Russ was not feeling exactly optimistic about the calf, he was as confused as I was every time he dropped in, but he saw no reason not to name it Kiev, based on the fact that its mother is “Krakow”, (capital of Poland), so we were keeping with an Eastern European theme. Russ has Kiev on the brain it seems.

I gave our calf the first part of my morning but then needed to get paying attention to other things, among them that I was expecting to feed 13 people Easter lunch.   Jill came upstairs and took over for me.  That girl was a trooper. 

She sat in the dog room with the calf for a long time, despite the stifling heat we were blasting in there.  She did the moment by moment watching and assessing and fought the good fight to get some colostrum into that calf.   

For the longest time it made no difference.  Her breathing was labored and she seemed to be in pain.  And then, things got better, the breathing relaxed, she started trying to stand up (not easy on linoleum).  What happened?  We don’t know.    Morgan and Russ came in and it was decided it was time for Krakow to take over. Morgan put her on his shoulders and carried her out to the barn and set her in a pen.  He sent this picture of her standing waiting for the arrival of her Mom, who Russ had in the back of the trailer at this point.

 I say, “who Russ had in the back of the trailer” rather nonchalantly, that would have been a bit of a feat, in this video he is dealing with Krakow at the point where he was taking her calf from her.  He starts the video with the  statement, “this is a game we like to play called, ‘Don’t get killed.’”

Once Jill’s patient was discharged to the barn she came into the kitchen and as she held up her hands for this picture she said “healed with the power of friendship!” 

Although I was in the middle of assessing how to do a huge batch of scalloped potatoes my brain just about exploded.  This was some of the most profound stuff that had stirred my spirit in a while.  I do believe it is entirely possible that Jill reinforced that calf’s will to live by her constant presence, by her solidarity in suffering, by her friendship.  I had said to her, “Jill you don’t need to stay in here, it’s so hot.”  She replied, “its okay, its not that bad.”  I can’t help but think that calf benefited from her constant presence and left here with a future.  It had not looked likely for a long while.

In retrospect, I think the calf had a gas or bowel issue, it moved its legs like a gassy baby does, it pooped in the dog room, none of our other in house calves have done that, it pooped during its departure, smearing my door frame with it.  I had to suspend lunch preparations for a clean up because we couldn’t close the door without making the mess worse.  It was a morning of bouncing from one thing to the next.  The end result was I washed my hands a lot and lunch was a bit late but pretty darn tasty.   We were celebrating Easter and the sun was brilliantly shining. 

We had two noteable births in the last day, our cow named Gina had her calf and our cow named Ray birthed. Also in the last 24 hours we have lost two calves, both due to the cold and snow. We were not in the right space and time to avoid these losses. Considering how bad the last week has been, weather wise, we are feeling fortunate so far.

I have such a longing for Kiev the calf to survive and thrive.  Her apparent resilience and her responsiveness to Jill’s solidarity remind of the real life Kiev. The story of the entire Ukraine is an amazing one.   Jill was not comfortable, she was marked by the struggle (that was some nasty stuff on her hands), she wasn’t happy while she was doing it, not really, but the power of all that was good and right in the room had a chance to speak and there was healing and a future that came from it.  I pray this same story can unfold for Kiev and Ukraine, for all, anywhere, who are weighed down by forces of death, despair and hatred.   I pray for love to flow.