Putting Words to It

On Saturday night Russell and I hosted a party to celebrate our 25th anniversary. We were so nervous and excited leading up to it but also aware that things can get overwhelming. We therefore invited only family and ranch crew to a supper and then others joined us after for a dance. There are so many stories to be told arising from how the night unfolded, I hope to do some writing about them, but in this post I am sharing the speech that I made during a brief program we had after supper. Reading it over again now it strikes me its one of the shortest speeches I have ever made. The file was named……

SPEECH FOR 25

While sitting with Jill eating breakfast in Regina I said to her, “I don’t know why I feel the need to make a speech but I do.”  Soon after it kind’ve bubbled up in me, yes I do know why I feel the need.  This is a deeply meaningful point to arrive at and I am used to speeching in the midst of life’s meaningful moments. 

This is a deeply meaningful moment to arrive at.  Why?  Perhaps because of all the moments where we wondered if we were going to make it this far.  In our case that is because of the normal reality of marriage stress and also because every day Russell walks out the door he is doing risky things.  So for all the forces that allowed us to make it this far, forces like Russell’s self-preservation instinct when facing down dangerous work moments and the thirst we both had to return to closeness when forces of anger, fear and pride were building walls between us, we are thankful.  Woven into all that is the mysterious way that God’s goodness was fuelling our days and our fight to keep us whole. 

It’s a meaningful moment because the 25 years since we said “I do” have held so much wonder.  We have been supremely, supremely blessed.  When I say that I mean that we had the opportunity to have Gina, Jill and Morgan.  Looking back at our journey with them, from the vantage point we now have, I think that Russ and I would both say that being parents to them has been among the most interesting and meaningfully fun things we have done.  They created focus and purpose to every day life, from June 25, 2002 when we met Gina until September 16th of this year when Morgan drove away for his first adult adventure.  We have not had very many days of marriage where we were able to think about ourselves first.  Having said that, with two puppies currently in our world we are still not free, we are now negotiating who does early morning and late night walks with a puppy who will not listen and come back to the house on her own when there are cows nearby to herd.  “Where’s the leash?” is the new refrain at our house.   Russ and I ponder that our children carry a bit of a burden being our kids, we hope that through them our values and our mission to bring light into the world will carry on.

I find myself wanting to talk a little bit about what I remember when I think about the days when Russell and I were deciding to get married.  I mean that how it sounded.   Deciding is an action word, it was a process.  I was a city girl deciding if I could and should commit to living a life that was far from my roots and opportunities.  Russ had a bit of a mixed reputation and I wasn’t sure about linking my wagon to his star.  Here is what pulled me toward him though…….I enjoyed him so much.  For some reason the idea of living my life with regrets has always been something I wanted to avoid.  As I pondered the option of saying No to a marriage proposal I had an image pop up in my brain.  I could see myself on the streets in downtown Saskatoon some day after leaving Gainsborough and  Carievale.  Seeing a diesel truck pulling a horse trailer coming down the streets I pictured myself becoming fascinated by it and more than that my heart aching with hurt and regret.  That image gave me a sense of permission to marry Russell.   About Russell’s mixed reputation, over the years people have at times commented that I don’t have three children, being married to Russell I have four.   Perhaps this was meant to be funny but it always made me angry.  I think I sensed from the beginning that Russ could pair his fun loving ways, his shirking of norms for what it means to “be a man,” with his incredible ability to bear responsibility, pain, stress and work.   I have pondered, how many men can bear the weight of the world on their shoulders and remain as playful as a child.  Russell is gifted and I have been the lucky beneficiary of his many gifts.  I am a very analytical and practical person, this led me to some work as I lay in bed the morning of our wedding.  If I was going to get up and go say “I do” I wanted to be crystal clear in my head, why.  I counted on my fingers all the reasons I was planning to marry Russell, I counted 21.   I think I tell you these anecdotes because I love celebrating Russell.   We all deserve to be celebrated but its my place to celebrate Russell because I have very rarely regretted my decision to link my wagon to his star.

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Following the speech I shared a few pictures from our wedding and some big days since. I did a bit of explaining, then started a 3 song slide show. Here are the wedding pictures that came before.

My sister Linda escorted me down the aisle as the wedding began. My Dad was not able to, dementia was affecting him.
We were married in the church I grew up in, Knox United in Saskatoon.
My sisters Janet and Margie are seen singing on the left side of this picture. Our family friend Pat Deibert accompanied them singing “The Prayer”, a haunting song that begins with these words, “I pray you’ll be our eyes, and watch us where we go, and help us to be wise, in times when we don’t know.” It seemed very fitting. Pat is playing a piano purchased with a donation from my brothers estate after he passed away. It has a plaque with his name on it. This is special for me to think about. Russ and I had been signing the register at this point.
My Dad and I.
Russell’s family following the wedding.
A panorama shot of the reception. It was held in the hall at St. Martin’s United church in Saskatoon where I did some of my training and joined the congregation.
We had a roping dummy and Invited our guests to give it a try. In this moment Russ is trying to teach me.
On the 20th anniversary of our engagement, on August 6th, 2020 we had a vow renewal service in our yard with our minister Susan Reed leading us.
In September 2021, we traveled to Newfoundland as a 20th anniversary trip. We hired a photographer to meet us at Cape Spear which is the most eastern point of North America. We filled a whole suitcase with our wedding clothes. This was pretty corny! However we got this picture! I have always been taken by it. With the road to Cape Spear in its background the truth of this picture is that we stand with our whole world stretched out behind us. What is rather amazing is that soon after this our ranch life would expand to include many people from Switzerland and Germany and also Norway. Our ranch family would soon include folks from Nova Scotia. It feels like these moments, teetering on the edge of North America are actually part of some magnetic pull that starting bringing people meant to join us, into our world.

Sister Time

I am sitting on an airplane flying over the rocky mountains enrtoute to Regina.  I have just spent about four days with my sister Jan, they were action packed days that created moments that I hope to remember.

Part of the purpose of my trip was to attend a concert that Jan invited me to.  It was a Christmas concert featuring a handbell choir she has been conducting for the last year.  Making her vision for the concert happen involves so much.    I saw Jan juggling a huge number of human dynamics and also logistics.  I have a fun anecdote to tell from the pre concert hours.  Setting the stage for this story means telling you that Jan and her husband Ray and dog Belle live on the 24th floor of a condominium in Port Moody.  Elevators are a part of their everyday life.  So it was that on concert day Jan and I worked as a team to get everything she needed for the unfolding of the concert out of their home, to the elevator, down 25 floors and into her car in the underground parkade.  With some strategy we managed it in one trip.  A cool experience began when the elevator doors opened to let us in. From what I could see I could not imagine that we would fit on, there was already 3 people and a dog on the elevator.  However Jan and the other occupants didn’t hesitate to make the adjustments so that we could all fit on.  I followed Jan as she pulled her wheeled cart on, and as I followed her I turned the electric piano I was carrying on its end, it was tight quarters but we were all on.  I was fairly stunned when we stopped at another floor and a woman with her dog was waiting to get on.  I totally expected someone would say, “oh no there is already a dog on and hardly room for another, you catch the next one.”   There was none of that.  We all just shifted and in she came with the dog, the dogs reacted to each other but were well contained by their owners and there wasn’t a sniff of trouble.  I stood there enjoying the whole darn thing.  By the time we got to the ground level six adults, two dogs, a wheeled cart full of Jan’s concert supplies (bags and bags of homemade treats for her ringers among the load), and a big gear bag holding a piano turned on its side had traveled about sixteen floors together.  Among the adults I sensed there was a lot of diversity, for example one of the people was wearing a hoodie that said, “Hungover and Horny”.  As Jan and I headed to her car I said, “well I think I might have just had my favorite moment of the trip.”   She had some funny words to reply with, noting my favorite moment had nothing to do with what she had prepared for me, but letting me off the hook for my wacky statement.  The thing is, my sense of my world is that people are pretty cautious about other people being in their space, fearful of conflicts, and on edge.  Those moments reflected the opposite and they were a bit of a balm for my soul.  Humans were accepting each other, compromising their space, managing their loads in order to make space even when none seemed to exist.  I simply loved it.

But that was before the concert and so my favorite moment was soon superseded by other moments.   I was so incredibly proud of Jan as I witnessed the various pieces of her planning coming together, I can’t get into the details of it here but its super complicated to make a handbell concert happen as there are so many moving pieces.  Jan is committed to make the experience as good as possible for her 20 or so ringers, she is deeply concerned about the experience of the audience and passionate about musicality.  So when each number ended and she turned to acknowledge her ringers to the audience, she had a mega watt smile that radiated her deep joy at what they had just done together.  To see your sister so enlivened and joyful and to see her giving so much to other people so that they have opportunities is a really big deal, makes for really memorable moments.   With my sentimental lenses on there is also the reality that our parents planted the seeds of this action in Jan and would be so unbelievably proud of what she is doing and how she is doing it. 

Another thing about my trip is that it created some chances for some deep thinking.  The concert itself gave me pretty good fodder for a decent sermon about teamwork. However, one new thing I was prompted to think about came from a facebook post Jan made the evening I arrived.  It included a video snippet of her surprising me at the baggage carousel at the airport.  I had thought we were meeting outside.  She snuck up on me.  It was really fun to experience her mischeviousness.  Comments on her reel included feedback that Jan has a really awesome family.  She does and the comment got me thinking.  For the sake of honesty I find myself wanting to say, it was not and is not always like that.  We don’t struggle as much as we used to but we still have to work at being mature about our needs, communicating well and giving each other grace and its not just always sunshine and roses.  As I was sitting having a think I found myself wondering, what has made it possible to get past the tough times?  One thing that came to me, and I am not sure if this is true but it struck me that it is, is that we have all been working on ourselves.  We have all had to say, “I do not have my act together like I would like to, I can shift this, I will let myself grow, I will let myself be touched and changed by wisdom, people and processes I trust.”   When you sense people you love trying to grow more whole it is not too hard to cut them some slack and take steps towards each other instead of building a wall.   That’s all I have to say about that.

Despite the exhaustion arising from the concert day Jan made an offer to me, to get on a ferry on Sunday after church and go to Nanaimo to visit our nephew and his family.  I jumped at that chance.  It was a great decision.  I loved being on the ferry.  Loved it.  I loved seeing Brock, he is my first born nephew and I am one of his godparents.  He is quite a delight and it is a gift to see him.  Tamara his wife and Ryker his seven month old son were the other shining stars in this visit.  Brock and Tam are some of the most nature oriented people that I know.  It should not have been a surprise to Jan and I that they would want to go out for a walk once we got there, we in our church clothes.  Jan and I figured we were up for a walk, picturing the stroller, the city streets and walking four abreast down some quiet streets.  When we got out the front door, wearing Brock’s footwear and rain jackets, we didn’t load Ryker into a stroller we got in the car.  I figured we were heading to a park.  We were heading up the mountain.  With Ryker on Brock’s back, and Tam bringing up the rear, we did a hike, to a really special spot for them.  It was raining quite hard at times, Brock said we had 45 minutes of daylight left, we made the most of it.   Like Jan brought me into her world of music and leadership, Brock and Tam swept us up into their deep joy with the forest and the hills.  Jan and I decided afterwards that we should feel really proud of ourselves, not because we survived the hike in the midst of weariness, but because our nephew looked at his two aunties and didn’t question our ability to do it, he looked at us and said, “lets go!”  I have to say, that feels great to ponder.

I am now sitting in a library at the U of R.  Jill is in a study carrel behind me prepping for an exam.  I am waiting til winds gusting to 90km/hr settle down before hitting the road back to the ranch.   I am content and I am smiling as I think about the people that Jan introduced me to over these last few days.   She has some really nice friends with a mixture of traits, ages, backgrounds and passions.  It makes the world more human and fun to remember the moments I was invited into their worlds.  In the course of my brief trip I was offered food and or drink in five different living rooms.  One of them was a birthday party for one of Ray’s friends from the early days.  Held in a home shaped by devout Catholic faith and Italian culture, I had the best cocktail and the best lasagna I have ever eaten.  I felt loved and welcomed.  My world is a bit bigger because of all the characters Jan introduced me to and I received a refresher in the wisdom I have been shown over and over in life, “just be yourself, let your unique self out, don’t be afraid of the “normal” world criticizing you, life is better when we let people see us.”

So that was my December 2025 trip to Vancouver, I would like to be a groupie and be at Jan’s next Fusion Handbells concert in May, but we will be deep in calving season.  Russ could and did handle the ranch without me this time, in the midst of horrible cold weather and with extra duties placed on his shoulders in my absence.  I am grateful he takes on the extra and gives me his blessing when trips like this are possible.  It won’t be the same in May when those babies are coming.  I will want to be near. 

Here are some pictures to give a glimpse of some of the action..

Arrival at Vancouver airport after an easy direct flight from Regina.
The video Jan posted of her hi-jinks.
We took in some beautiful Christmas lights, this was part of a display placed around a small lake. I felt like I was in the middle of a Hallmark movie.
Jan, Ray and I just before the concert.  Ray was the M.C.  I got to see the many varied ways he did behind the scenes work to make the concert and our sister time possible on the same weekend.c
Jan on the ferry.
I love what the wind is doing to my hair in this ferry moment.
Brock and his son, we are about to get on the trail.
The hiking crew.
The two aunties, finding their strength.
At the U of R having lunch with Jill after our morning in the library.  I love being on a campus.

A Rich Weekend

It is 4:29am on Monday November 3rd.   I woke up from a dream about an hour ago that has not left its grip on me.  It was not a bad dream just a dream that touched on a lot of pieces of my weekend.  It left me thinking.  I had such a meaningful weekend.  I am here to attempt to capture what it was.

Last week at this time Russ was looking ahead to our big November 1st cow chase and he was worrying that we were short handed.  For a few reasons many of our regulars were unavailable and several could only say “maybe.”  The herd being moved was a large one, two herds that had already come some distance this fall and had been hanging out together 18 miles from home.  (For those who know our ranch lingo they are the PF herd and the Manor cows).   Bringing this big herd a full days ride home is a big job and Russ could not leave our crew situation to chance so he did a bit of recruiting.  That resulted in five guests arriving at our home on Friday evening.   Every bedroom and our guest space that we call “Clare Hall” was occupied.  Of these guests one had been many times, one was on her third visit, one was on her second and two had never been in our home before.  Over time chaos of old has subsided a bit and our spaces feel better and its kind’ve an enjoyable thing to dust and straighten and put out clean sheets and towels and just enjoy my home for what it is.  I had that pleasure on Friday and it was a bit new to me.  Usually getting ready for guests is a race to the finish line and involves an attempt to keep the situation to as little embarrassment as possible.

As it turned out all our “maybes” ended up being able to come and several of our firm “no” friends became “yes” when rain late in the week meant they were not working.  By the time all was said and done we were at a solid 22 people on the trail by Saturday morning.

Saturday morning brought a chilly but beautiful sunrise for Laurie.

 I had two helpers lined up for my part of the work, one in the morning and one in the afternoon.  It turned out that my morning helper got a little more than she asked for but handled it like a champ. 

It was strange when my phone rang at 8:45 and it was Patrick, one of the cowboys on the trail.  My heart was in my mouth as I answered and true to my worries his voice was shaky.    Russ was ok but was doing all he could in the first moments of a crisis with Coffee dog, holding his hand like a cinch on Coffee’s upper leg to slow bleeding caused by a deep cut.  I needed to come.  I dropped everything, changed into work pants, a jacket that could easily be laundered, I grabbed my rag bin and hit the road.   Russ used a scarf of Sharon’s to create a tourniquet, loaded Coffee in the truck, Sharon and Hannah left the crew and headed my way.  Enroute to meet them my job was to find a vet.  We are so incredibly lucky to live in an area with several vets.  I can’t state enough how huge a reality this is.    I was so incredibly thankful when I found that one was available.   Sharon, Hannah and I met part way just as vet details were getting finalized.    I told Dr. Sid  I could be there in 20 minutes, thinking after that was not true, I had more than a 20 minute journey ahead of me.  It turns out I made it in 18 and beat him there.  I stayed with Coffee until her general anaesthetic took effect and then sat in the waiting room.   A second vet had been brought in and I was not needed, I didn’t realize a second vet was near and had imagined myself helping with the procedure.  I like to think that I can do what is needed when necessary but I was quite relieved to have time to sit, breathe and message.   It turns out that the profuse bleeding was caused by a cut artery.    Noone knows what happened to Coffee, the first sign of trouble was that she was chasing cows with blood spurting out of her leg.   What makes the most sense to Russ is that she cut herself on an exposed culvert.  Murtada the vet observed that Coffee is brave and  Sharon later reflected, she is resilient, she needed everything she had in these moments.   I would be lying if I said experiences like this don’t affect me.   At face value its just darn hard, but its triggering, hurt people and animals are all too common an occurrence in my world and there is some interior management required.  As I sat in the waiting room I challenged myself to be totally honest.   What I was facing down in those moments is how incredibly vulnerable I/we were.  Russell, Dr. Sid and Murtada saved Coffee’s life, they are all that stood between a level of emotional devastation that I do not want to think about and a day that could end up feeling almost normal.  I named that to Dr. Sid as we were saying goodbye.  I needed to.  To meet someone in their utter vulnerability and give of yourself is very holy ground.  I stood on that ground with profound gratefulness on Saturday morning.

Coffee on the way home from the vet.

Meanwhile back at the ranch…….Vicki was following recipes and making things happen.  She made me laugh when she spoke of her texting with her husband to check in, confessing her lack of felt direction he advised, “stir the soup.”    The crew was running a little bit early as it turned out so when Coffee and I returned to the ranch and I got her settled I had to switch gears, it was tough but with Vicki’s help we arrived at the lunch spot only 10 minutes late.   This spot has a dugout and grass for the cows so it is a priority to meet there versus wherever the crew happens to be when lunch is finally ready.  My time with Coffee meant I didn’t get fresh biscuits made to go with the soups we were offering, knowing this I stopped at the store and got Melita Bakery bread and it was just fine, some thought it homemade.  Lesson learned! 

Sharon and I look pretty fresh for the morning we put in.

On the trail…..A new and unexpected crew member.  We got a new cow dog this year after losing Bingo and Knightwing in the spring and summer.  We were not expecting to have Zip on the trail until next year but sensing her good instincts and ability to listen Russ tried her out on a shorter job earlier this week.  She did wonderfully.  I was so proud when I heard this I wanted to do a whole blog post just about her!  A dog on the trail who is younger than most of the calves! (Zip was born May 14th)  Based on this success she was brought along on Saturday.  In Coffee’s absence, and with Paisley on vet ordered retirement from chasing cows (Paisley belongs to our friend Jen), we only had Maddie and Zip on the trail.  She was needed.  While not perfect she did super well.  She took some rest periods, but not in the truck with Sharon, she rode with Jen and with Becca in their saddles.  I love thinking about the view she had, as opposed to her regular perspective where its a lot of angles of ankles. 

Zip in Becca’s saddle.
Zip cradled by Jen.  She looks tired.

After helping serve lunch Vicki joined the crew for the rest of the ride and shortly after I got home to the ranch my friend Erin arrived.  She has helped me many times, her daughters love to chase cows, so she moved in very naturally, got dishes done, did prep work, made one of her signature casseroles and visited easily.  She is fun. We had a supper ready when at 5:30 the crew was in, a little earlier than projected.  These helpers who come alongside make me look good and allow me to experience the joy of hospitality when otherwise I would be swearing and sweating. 

After a very long day on the trail people don’t linger long after dessert is served, two of our house guests headed home and our day ended with a cozy visit of five people with a shared footstool between us sipping on tea.  At 8:33 one of the circle looked at their watch and said, “well I made it to 8:30, that was my goal, I’m going to bed!”  The party broke up and we were all resting before long.  Coffee slept between Russ and I, her long body and her cone making for a bit of a bed hog. 

Sunday morning had us returning to the cozy circle with cups of coffee.  The time in the circle included thoughtful questions asked of me.   People don’t ask me about myself too much and I quite enjoyed the chance to ponder and speak.   It was the weirdest experience though to be fighting waves of nausea arising from a stubborn headache and sitting there speaking deeply, wanting to carry on as if nothing was wrong.  I had to give myself a talking to.  As much as I was enjoying the attention and conversation  I had to tell myself it was okay to state where I was at, so I did, and of course people were very understanding and enjoyed the chance to ponder that this might be “morning sickness.”  That had my mind wandering!  At that point we were six days into our empty nest and I was not appalled at the thought of a baby.  I am not sure what that says.  I am actually enjoying the quiet and order of the house a lot, with modern technology I still hear my kids’ voices and know some of their stories and while its different around here, I am doing okay, but I could handle the thought of a new baby (at least I thought I could, reality would be much much different if that were to come to pass.)

The good-byes with our guests included some feedback that really touched me.  I feel like I am bragging to share it but it has such meaning for us.  We were told, “this experience is so unique, there aren’t many things I’ve done that are so tiring to the body but refreshing to the soul, there are layers of rest and depth that I hit when I come here that is just…….…..”  I won’t say much more about this but basically that reflects one of the primo life goals that Russ and I have.  I have pondered it many times since I heard it.  It was a big part of my weekend.

Not long after everyone was gone I headed out to meet with a nearby congregation wrestling with decisions about future plans.  I was there as a rep from the region and my only job was to listen and support as necessary.   It was such an honest meeting shaped by fragile hope, confessions of grief and deep care.   I am certain that this meeting was the launchpad for the dream I had that woke me up. 

Despite having several hours of discretionary time later in the day I did not put away all the clean dishes that Vicki had whipped into shape while Russ and I were making breakfast and they sit beside me even yet.  This is the privilege of the stage of life I am currently in.  I can do a little bit of “I don’t feel like it” time and it is not the end of the world.  What I did feel like was a bit of creative work on a gift for our ranch crew, I am really happy about this. 

My writing spot today, clean dishes on side.

Another special thing that happened this weekend is that at one point I had the chance to listen to someones pain, I felt very very calm within as a story was unfolding.  I noticed this and have pondered since, “was I detached from the situation or actually becoming the person I want to be, able to exist in the midst of great pain and be fully present?”  It felt more like the second than the first.  To put this in broader context though, what I have noticed about myself is that I am absolutely terrible about being present to pain that I have no chance to impact, so I have just about stopped watching the news, it just distresses me.  Perhaps finally I have come to really believe in the power of just being present to people, listening and creating space for them to be honest and I can actually hold pain when asked to. 

The dream I mentioned earlier felt absolutely major when I woke up, now I am not so sure.  The turning points of it seem to be two things.  The first part was very specific,  I was dropping off something at my friend Linda Powell’s house and decided that there was no time like the present to do some work for the church that would help us understand things better.  So I knocked on the door of her neighbor (I have absolutely no idea who that is in real life) and was given the chance to introduce myself.  The transitions that happened I am totally fuzzy about right now but the next point in the dream is that I was at her kitchen table.  I was able to communicate that I came with no agenda except to listen.  She was able to say “that’s good, cause I was kind’ve offended at the start of this.”  I don’t remember any of the conversation that followed.  I told her I had no agenda but I know I did.  I am not sure how this was communicated in the dream but I know I knocked on the door because I am so curious about and want to respect and respond helpfully to what is really going on in people’s lives.  In our churches we are reckoning with the fact that fewer people attend.   People have a lot going on and are tired and torn and the world is changing and technology is multiplying peoples’ options and so on and so on.  In the midst of that, what needs are left unmet?  What do people need?  I have always thought it isn’t right to say, “how can we get butts in these pews”, that sounds a lot like self preservation, and we can do better.  In place of that I want to ponder “what does the church offer that people need?”   So as I was waking from this dream I was actively processing that if I went out one evening a week and knocked on the doors of an entire block, in the course of a year I could cover seven communities.  Clearly that is not accurate, but in a dream anything is possible.    The feeling I had in this dream is that listening was going to be key to the strategy.  I was perhaps naïve to think that trust could be built quickly and what people really need could be explored but I think not naïve to believe that it feels way different to be listened to rather than talked at and being listened to and taken seriously is a big part of what people need.   We don’t do this perfectly in our United Churches but we really try to welcome people as they are and experience together the good news that God loves us, as we are, and is actively working with us for greater wholeness for ourselves and the world. 

As I ponder all this the theme I see is holy ground.  Maybe that is a piece of what we all need.  Is it fair to say that many of us are hungry for holy ground, for ground where we can be fully ourselves, vulnerable, human, hoping, chilled and thrilled by our adventures, and there we find God waiting for us.  In the terrifying space between life and death, and when skilled hands and kind eyes meet us where we need them, in the midst of caring conversation, in the saying out loud our fragile hopes, in the love poured into a warm bowl of stirred soup?  I can’t speak for others but that is where I found holy ground this weekend and I am so thankful.

Thanks to Jen and Becca for most of the photos in this blog.

The Kettles Go to the Symphony

In mid September Russ and I got on a plane in Winnipeg, less than three hours later we were in Montreal and ready for some days where we planned to spend time with friends and family and see a few sights.  There are a few stories to tell from our days there.  Here is the first one……drawn out a bit to paint a picture.

My cousin David and his partner live just outside of Montreal.  David is a musician through and through and as luck would have it he was planning to be in Montreal while we were there. He was singing with a choir alongside the Montreal Symphony Orchestra.   Once I learned this it was pretty easy for me to decide that I wanted to attend that symphony and Russ was open to it.  The tickets were bought and the plan made.  We met David and Lyne for a very early supper and then enjoyed a walk around Old Montreal.  Lyne’s family history goes way back and we absorbed her joy in sharing a few important spots linked to her family.  At one point as we walked David and I got ahead and Russ and Lyne lagged behind a bit.  These moments of one on one time with Lyne sealed the deal for Russell, he felt very connected to her by the end of our time together.   It is so nice when bonds and bridges get built and you can feel the effect of them.  Also in those moments Russ was greatly amused by the sight of David and I ahead, both fast walkers, both with grey curly hair that bounced as we walked.  I treasure whatever threads of “family” show themselves when given the chance, Russell’s observation of those bouncing curls makes me smile as I sit here.

David left us to get prepared at the concert hall and we enjoyed more time with Lyne.  Eventually she walked us to the Place des Arts and Russ and I entered the world of the Montreal Symphony.     It was so fun and at one level deeply familiar.  With Jill performing at the Arts Centre in Regina so much over the last few years we are used to the theatre vibe; the ticket scans from our phones, the buzz of anticipation in the foyer and the large venue.  This was different though.  We were navigating a different language, the facility was only 20 years old and beautiful, and as we pondered the stage we saw ten cellos warming up and the biggest bass we had ever set our eyes on.  This was going to be something. 

What unfolded in the first half was beautiful, I found myself noting sounds that seemed perfect as they blended together, the mastery of the music was incredible.  I marveled at the 78 year old bass soloist, I delighted in finding my cousins curly grey hair and checking in on him throughout, I watched eagerly as the percussion team did their thing, I really love drums. Soon enough intermission happened.  We went from our third floor balcony down to the second floor and got in line at the bar.  While on holidays we make it our treat to enjoy beer when opportunity arises, this was an opportunity. 

Its hard to explain the set-up exactly, just picture us being among the first to arrive in the line, picture a bit of a struggle behind the bar to handle the influx of people and receive payments, picture a bit of a “make your request and move over there” vibe (but in French at first), and then imagine that when all was said and done Russ and I were behind a roped off area, standing at tall bar tables, each with a beer in hand and visiting with each other.  That is when a very polished looking gentleman came over to us, he was on his own and he asked if he could join us (in French), once we established that our French was very limited he made his best effort in English.  He was very friendly and we got a bit acquainted quite quickly.  Perhaps learning that we are ranchers from Saskatchewan is what prompted the question he asked that instantly made me feel like Ma Kettle.  He said (picture his French accent) something like this, “so you are friends of the symphony or with the youth circle?”  I don’t remember the exact terms but how he said it made it suddenly dawn on us that we were not supposed to be in the roped off area, we were to be with the common folk loitering elsewhere, not in the space meant to reward donors.  The country folk had arrived, blown right past the signs they didn’t understand and were acting like they belonged there!!!!  We stammered for a second and started to apologize but before we could he said, “I’m not security, stay!”  So we did. 

This whole thing struck us so funny, but I am not sure it is funny.  If it is, what is it that makes it funny? 

I think it could have something to do with the contrast of our self identity as country bumpkins rubbing up against the classy folk of Montreal. It definitely has something to do with the bumbling that was part of it. Its like we tripped, almost fell but then landed safely on our feet, with our drinks upright, right there behind those ropes, except it was language we tripped on. Further, once given a blessing to be there we mastered the “fake it til you make it” approach.  That approach holds some suspense, when will the “faking it” not work and the “making it” end? We were giggling and it still makes us smile to remember.

One more thing happened that tickled our fancy.  A stranger came over after our first stranger friend moved on, the new stranger just had to meet the guy wearing the cowboy boots because she too was wearing western boots.   Experiencing her delight made us feel like there was space for us in this classy environment and not only that we were actually kindv’e cool. 

I think this story delights me because it brings to mind those entertaining TV shows of my youth where according to my memory Ma and Pa Kettle regularly embarrassed themselves but kept trying with every opportunity they were given.   Our story also connects with questions of identity.  I have never felt at ease among people who are fancy, certain I will not live up to expectations.  This story had us feeling like we were staying afloat among the fancy folks.  Beyond the sense of permission we were given what gave us the courage to stay once we were found out?  I think there was a certain confidence we gained from being at each others side. I feel our holiday ease, excitement and time with David and Lyne meant we had a noticeable little joy glow, maybe that was appreciated. At some level we knew that a cowboy at the symphony is inherently different and made us interesting.  Another thing is that at our age I think we are absorbing more fully than we have before that “Jesus Loves Me” is not just a sentimental song lyric, its our truth, we are loved and loveable, just as we are.   That is something.   That is a big something.

Here are a few pictures.

This is the view from our seats as the symphony came to a close, there was a standing ovation. My cousin David is in the chorus on the right side, just under that arrow I added to the picture.
Russ and I in our seats.
David, Lyne and I during our walk. Old Montreal is so beautiful.
Two cousins with bouncing curly hair go for a walk.
Russ and his new symphony friend.
Country boots meet city boots.

The Path of My Thoughts

I have been thinking about something that I am going to guess my Mom and Dad taught us when we were teenagers.  It would make sense that they taught it to me and us, my siblings and I, but I don’t have a memory of them sitting down to discuss it with us.  I actually have few memories of explicit conversations where they worked hard to put wisdom into us.  I think most of the wisdom we gleaned from them came through osmosis, the reality where you learn things and become things simply by being close enough to an influence for long enough.   One of the things I am most grateful for in my life is my parents.   I often think about how my Dad was a friend to underdogs, I think about how my Mom let herself be moved.  When I say that I mean she was available emotionally, intellectually and spiritually to the people and experiences that crossed her path.   In all I took from these two quite wonderful yet fragile human beings, I came to understand wisdom that put into words might have sounded like this, “be careful Kathy, your reputation matters, who you hang around with will affect you and others will make judgments about you when they see who you are near, stay close to those who match your cares.”  It is the saying “you are known by the company you keep.”

I got a little obsessed by this thought over the last few days and I did a tiny bit of research.  I learned there is Scriptural references that reflect this wisdom.  In the writing of Paul to the church at Corinth he says, “do not be misled; bad company corrupts good character, come back to your senses as you ought, and stop sinning; for there are some who are ignorant of God – I say this to your shame.”    That would have been written about 1,965 years ago, it is a notion that has some history to it and sacredness attached to it. 

It was interesting to type into my search engine, “is the saying, “you are known by the company you keep” ever not true?”  There were instances where that was so but they were quite specific, like when your employment forces you to spend time with people that don’t reflect your values. 

It seems pretty widely accepted that where you have a choice as to who you spend time with you are proclaiming something about yourself by the choices that you make.

It feels like the wisdom in the saying is reliable.

Why am I obsessing about this?

Because I am looking for some guidance in the midst of turbulent times.

I have been mostly off of facebook for the last week, ever since I switched phones and didn’t load the app on my new phone.  I just see it when I am on my laptop now.  However, I have been privy to the hot and heavy debate about Charlie Kirk.  Some that I hold dear are insistent that he is a faithful Christian and his death equates to a great loss for the Christian community.  Others hold a very opposite position.  When research is done to see what the story is, to try and come to my own conclusion, there is confusion to be found.  There are clips of him voicing things that are really unsettling.  He says things that I hope I would never be found saying.   Those who defend him say that those clips are taken out of context and when the context is given his words make sense.   I did a little looking around for the context when he said he hated empathy.  What I read did not lead me to have confidence one way or another about who this man was and what he offered the world.  I found myself thinking about what is expected of us leaders.  I say “us leaders” because Charlie Kirk and I have the shared experience of standing in front of crowds and speaking and hoping that our words made a difference.  As a speaker I know that role comes with some accountability.   I have an oath to God to constantly seek to be faithful in my words and I rely on the movement of the Holy Spirit for guidance and the courage to say what needs to be said.   I am sure that when I speak I regularly leave some confusion in my wake.  As a preacher it would be unusual to have all people follow all the time, but that confusion is different than speaking in such a way that people get offended by what I say.  I am certain that has happened too, especially at funerals where people of different faith perpsectives gather.   I don’t think I have ever said something from the pulpit that gave a completely different message than I intended.  If I did and there was social media commentary on it it would give me the chance to clarify what I meant.   I did an internet search looking for examples of times that Kirk took the chance to clarify what he meant.   I didn’t find any reference to that.  I didn’t look for a long time but tried a few different search questions to unearth what I was looking for but nothing came up.  So there was nothing to answer to my hope that as a leader with impact he would correct and clarify the messages people were taking away from his comments that seem to reinforce the oppression of black people, women and many others.  Perhaps there are lots of examples of him trying to clarify his words so that he more closely lines up with the way of Jesus.  If they are there I could not find them.  

In the context of pastoral care I have said things that I needed to apologize for, once when I was a student and I was flustered and a little bit stupid and I told a woman “I had come to visit to bring God to her.”  She informed me quite clearly that she didn’t need me to bring
God to her, that God was already there….. of course she was right.  I apologized.  In another case I made assumptions that led me to say things that hurt some people and I was most definitely called to account for that.  Difficult conversations ensued.  I was not given a free pass because I hold the role I do.   I was expected to answer for what I said, and how what I said didn’t meet the moment.   These experiences inform me.   They make accountability normal to me and I am also a bit resentful, if I with my puny circle of influence must be accountable how can it be okay for another Christian leader with influence too broad  to track be given a pass when, for example, he names four successful and high profile black women and insists they are affirmative action picks.  If he didn’t mean to imply that they actually could not possibly be capable enough for the roles they fill, because of the color of their skin, despite the advanced degrees and volume of life and work experience they held, if he didn’t mean to imply that, he should have chosen his words more carefully and tried to state what he actually meant when he realized he had been misunderstood.

So I am struggling.   I am resenting double standards.  I am confused by the information I have access to.  I also wonder why this even matters to me.  Let it go Kathy.   Maybe what I am really working through is the question “what makes for a strong witness for Jesus Christ in the world?”   There is a folk song we used to sing a lot that includes the line, “and they’ll know we are Christians by our love, by our love, yes they’ll know we are Christians by our love.”    Somehow that lyric is inspiring but not exactly helpful, it’s a bit vague, the definition of love could be debated enough to make that criteria just another thing to fight over.  So I am winding my way back to those moments with my parents when the wisdom “you are known by the company you keep” somehow founds its place in my head.  Charlie Kirk and Donald Trump were tight.  Donald Trump and Jeffry Epstein were tight.  Jeffrey Epstein was notorious, he was tried and convicted for running a sex trafficking ring involving underage girls.   Even if Donald Trump was not part of the abuse of that, he was part of Epsteins circle of close friends, he presented himself as being comfortable with who Epstein was.   That is the man that Charlie Kirk stood by.  At the time of his assassination he had a pile of hats beside him with the number 47 on them, this was a very vivid moment where he demonstrated his eager willingness to be associated with Donald Trump.  That is too much for me, because of what it says about his character.   I grieve Mr. Kirk’s death and what it means for his family, I grieve what his assassination means for our shared culture, I am sad for him that his life was cut short, but that is as far as I can go.  I cannot give him hero status or elevate his status as a Christian.  This is where my journey has taken me.  I don’t want to be at odds with people I love and I will not tell them how to feel or criticize for what they feel, but for me, in the shifting sand of our life together in North America, it feels like some things hold true and maybe we can agree that love heals, hate divides and you are known by the company you keep.

Grace

Over a month ago I started this blog, the timing in it may seem odd as you read it.

Our boy Morgan is not a boy anymore, that seems to be getting quite official in the days after his 18th birthday, sliding into his grade 12 graduation. 

In the midst of the storm that is created by the converging of very special days, calving season weariness and my personal limits as a woman inching closer to 60, I received a gift of grace.  Our friends Patrick and Jenn were happy to host a joint graduation party for Morgan and his friend Rhett, Patrick’s son.  It is hard to fully relate how much of a relief this was for Russ and I.  We want to celebrate Morgan with all the bells and whistles he deserves but for a few reasons we are not doing well with getting that kind of action going.   This party, at their place, with overall co-ordination by Pat was such a help to Russ and I.  I have a few pictures.

We had this cake made at the Oxbow Co-op.  It was delicious!
We have many shared friends with Griff and his circle, the party made sense, but we also were able to invite folks like Bonnie and Roy.  They have been a part of Morgan’s life always, and have helped fill the holes left by our losses.
Morg and Griff cut the cake, Grandma Shirley absolutely loved watching them tackle this.  “No two pieces were the same size!” she said.  We agreed that was good, for varying appetites.
Old friends seeing one another was a splendid part of the night.

I learned something about entertaining this night.  Pat was organized and relaxed and it made a great setting.   I usually try to pack too much in when I entertain,  guests find me rushing, perhaps flustered, maybe quite readily inclined to swear under my breath at the slightest hiccup or frustration.   Pat did things a little differently than I do, this contributed to the relaxed feeling.  Once the food was laid out he invited people to eat whenever they were ready.  This meant no lines and also a sense that the meal wasn’t the main event, being together was.  I got the message, “lets enjoy being together and when you are hungry, there is food over there.”  I can say food wasn’t the main event but it had been beautifully prepared, and there was abundance.  The smoked meat and salads were an event, just not the main event.  That’s how it felt to me.  The main event was our boys, our pride in them, and our desire to celebrate them with those who love them almost as much as we do. 

I am thankful to Pat and Jen, they gave me an experience of warm relaxed hospitality and celebration and also significantly helped Russ and I with what was on our plate.

In the days since I started this blog both boys have officially graduated and summer is here.  Here are the graduates on their special days….

Morgan receives his diploma from the vice principal who happens to be his good buddies Mom, Mrs. Wolf.
This was Griff’s grad day and Pat is seen helping with the finishing touches on the outfit.
At the parade held after the Carnduff grad ceremonies it was getting a bit chilly, here Jen and Clare are ready and waiting for the floats to go by. I think they were both pretty proud of Morgan but especially Jen. She has been a major friend, supporter and source of fun to Morgan perhaps for as long as he can remember.

Grace was the word that came to mind as the summary theme and title for this blog because Morgan, Russ and I didn’t really do our share in the work for the party that Pat and Jen held. There was no tallying of hours spent in prep or dollars spent on food, but if there had been I know it would show that we did not do our share. There was one rule we all seemed to grasp, “do what you can.” Maybe there was another rule, one that I had trouble grasping, “don’t worry.” Maybe this is what it means to live in a state of grace more generally speaking. We don’t have to be superheroes, who are remarkably efficient, flexible and impressive, we just have to do what we can, and surround ourselves with others who are doing what they can, we give and receive, and trust that will be enough, that we are enough and we don’t need to worry about that. Graduation 2025 held a good lesson for me, it was a lesson that lines up with my faith but I have a hard time really living and believing. It is, “just do what you can Kathy, receive from others and me – God, don’t worry if you are enough, you are.”

The Yellow Brick Road

A couple of months ago my sister Margie suggested us girls do something that on the surface seemed absolutely ridiculous.  “Let’s go to Vancouver for a day,” she suggested. 

If we went for it on the day she proposed we could celebrate Margie and her twin sister Jan’s 55th birthday together and take in the very last musical that Jan will produce, she has decided to retire as an elementary school music teacher at the end of June.  A great flight price made the decision easy, we were going, Linda, Jodi and Margie from Saskatoon, me via Regina.  Margie suggested that we surprise Jan, I have mixed feelings about surprises, but with all that Jan had to keep track of already the surprise idea felt okay. 

I thought maybe the surprise had been leaked when I posted on Facebook that I needed a ride to Regina on Monday.  Jan, whom we wanted to surprise, commented on that post “whatcha up to?”  I thought, “oh she knows something and she is fishing!”  Margie later told me there was great concern from the Saskatoon group that I had started the unraveling of our secret.   My reply to her comment was a detailed description of why I needed that ride, and it wasn’t a lie.  Our friends from Halifax had taken my car to the Regina airport on Friday, I needed to pick it up. She didn’t need to know that my car would stay over an extra day so that I too could fly!   My ride left early Monday, Dee and I had a great visit and it seemed like a miracle when we were already arriving at Jill’s apartment in Regina.  Jill and I had time to shop, and go out for lunch and supper.  At supper I got a fortune cookie that underscored the importance of what we were up to.

Jill tucked me in early, I figured with no luggage to check I could arrive at the airport at 5am for a 6am flight.  Oh dear.  I was a bit optimistic.  This is me at 5:17am, in a long slow moving line at security. (Although clearly the empty lanes behind me reveal it could have been a much longer line,  it was long for Regina.)  My outfit reveals poor color matching.  I didn’t care, the sweater was only for the morning and was a nod to my Dad who first wore it back in the 60s.  He would have been thrilled by the day that was set to unfold.

They boarded our flight very early, so as my bag and laptop were flagged for extra screening I could hear the Westjet lady calling for me and several others over the PA system.  By the time security figured out the problem,  a pocket knife attached to my car keys, and two humongous bolts in the bottom of my backpack I was hearing, “would Katherine Kyle PLEASE report to gate 6!”  The knife was small, I was allowed to keep it, the bolts were pitched, I apologized, ran for the gate and straight onto the plane.  A brain fogged ranch wife can sincerely answer the question “do you have anything sharp in your bag?” with a sweet “no, I don’t think so” when calving season induced weariness is the reality and the day your husband sent you off to buy bolts “just like this” is a distant memory.  I had no idea those bolts were in there.    Pretty uneventful flights saw me getting off the plane in Vancouver at 9:30am and straight into the arms of Margie, Jodi and Linda.  Our adventure together had begun.

We enjoyed Vancouver until noon when we showed up at Janet’s school.  We had called the secretary when the plans were being made to get assurance that we could actually come in and see the dress rehearsal.  She was our partner in crime when she paged Mrs. Nordstrand to please come to the office.  She took a video that included this moment when we all emerged from a side hallway and started singing happy birthday. 

Margie brought this banner, something she ordered online.  Here we are, the four travelers and Jan, after she had recovered from the shock.

I have absolutely loved the rare chances I have had over the years to see Janet in action.  There is something I find so compelling when I get to see anyone living out their giftedness, but when music is involved, and family, it is that much more stirring.  Jan is gifted.  The picture below was among my favorite moments from “The Wizard of Oz”, Jan with arms held high as she guided her students in what was a fantastic finale, including all of this cast.  The other cast had their dress rehearsal in the morning.   Jan’s husband retired earlier this year, he took on the challenging role of sound co-ordinator and did much set work.  He is beside Jan. 

Jan and Ray’s dog Belle played Toto in the opening part.  It is ridiculous how proud I was of my niece dog.  She did so well.

Jan worked closely with many staff  to make this musical happen, it is a passion she shares with many to give kids these opportunities.   It was amazing to see the entire student body become involved as things unfolded.  This finale was so big and deep.

The gift of the day was time among my people, the people I have spent special days with for my entire life.  They know me in a unique way and of course are a concrete connection to my Mom and Dad.  In this next photo my cousin Jodi sits beside me at an outdoor patio where we had supper altogether and could include Belle.  We were lucky Jan and Ray’s schedule was clear after school.

We had a “fight” about whether Jan would drive us to the airport or we would Uber there as was our plan.  We wanted Jan to rest.  She wanted to squeeze in more minutes.  I am glad she won the fight.  We had fun in the car and got some memorable photos at the airport.

I get a little mushy sometimes, I know it’s not always ideal.  But the joy and tightness in this last picture speaks to me.   The bond that twin life can hold is something.  We have so many family pictures that catch moments like this, our old pictures reveal two little girls finding their way in the world.  All of us are now REALLY launched, on our own, our parents aren’t here to help us be friends.   But…. a great seat sale and a single day off allowed for family time.  When I researched the symbolism of the yellow brick road it had varying meaning.  So I will claim my take on it.  To follow the yellow brick road is to find one’s way home.  As I get older, home is not so much a place as it is a feeling.  It was such a deep good feeling to concretely express love for our Janet.  That spot in Inman school where she held her heart as she beheld us kindv’e felt like…. home.  On June 3rd the yellow brick road had some tense moments, by the end of the day I had had to run straight onto two flights. It all reminds me that family takes work, there is sweat involved, there are questions of safety and security to be felt through.  There is turbulence.   I am thankful we have found our way to a sense of home in each others’ presence and knowing what that means, how significant that is, we take that back to where we each live and work.

Mid May, 2025 – Bar MW Post

Its now Friday May 16th and I am pretty gripped by a big feeling of thankfulness. We are on our third day with rain, it is a humongous blessing. Tomorrow our friends arrive from Halifax to spend two weeks with us, doing what we do, we enjoy them, ranching is more fun when we get to experience it through their eyes and the senses of humor they bring. Here are a few glimpses of the developments around since I last posted.

We lease a chunk of land from the government that has an invasive weed on it called “leafy spurge.” We have sprayed this weed with chemicals in the past but it just came back.  It was then decided that our next best option would be to graze sheep on it, sheep will happily eat leafy spurge. Last week we picked up the sheep we contracted to buy, and we are now shepherds!!! This picture is in the moments after we unloaded them. They will stay at home until we have the chance to get the right fence going at the pasture. Our dog “Coffee” seems to be thrilled with this new addition to the ranch, her genetics clearly have her as a sheep dog. She stands in the middle of them and just wags her tail. It is so cute. Yesterday I caught her in a stalking pose and wondered what she was up to, I had never seen her do that before. I looked a little more widely and saw what she saw, the sheep were out. She was about to round them up.

Anytime a few errands need to be done in Estevan it means a get away for Grandma Shirley and I. We always include a stop at Tim Hortons.

A couple weeks ago I was visiting with an old friend at a funeral lunch. I asked her about her renewed health, she told me about her gym routine. I have been wanting this for myself. I believe that strength training is the best way to get bone density and keep me ranching for a long time. I reached out to her and said, ” I haven’t talked myself into this yet, but if I do, would you help me get started at the gym?” She generously said yes. I am a complete newbie at this but she is so fun to spend time with at 5:30 in the morning. I am feeling really good about it. I didn’t see this coming.

Morgan’s friend Tad joined us for an evening round up on Friday last week. I believe the original plan was for him to come over so that he and Morgan could podcast. However, there was this job to do first and he good naturedly joined in. Tad is the cowboy on the road.

A beautiful evening sky with the cows just about in the gate. During the chase we discovered one of our calves had gone blind and was malnourished. These are hard moments. We are really lucky to have found that our cousins Jenn and Marty have the patience and interest to nurture calves like this one. For many years now we have called them when we have a calf that needs extra time that we just don’t have on an ongoing basis. They have so many success stories. Marty came from their acreage near Estevan to pick this calf up the day after we found it.

In this picture Clare is in the foreground. We were getting these cow calf pairs home to the yard pasture so that we could tag, brand and vaccinate them the next day.

This was a “branding” organized on short notice. Russ was getting anxious about the amount of grass we have at home so put a rush on getting cow calf pairs to summer pastures. We pulled together enough friends for a small group of calves to get branded on what was a very hot and windy afternoon. In this picture Russell has castrated, Laurie is preparing to brand, Clare has applied the “deadman” a collar that acts to restrain the calf and Cassia is juggling needles and taggers. I was guarding the opening to the calf pen. Maybe because of the extreme wind I was not too busy, the calves mostly stayed put so i was able to sneak close to get this picture.

Life is always better when Laurie is near.

Sunday brought a bigger herd and a bigger crew. Before we got going Cassia had a few moments to herself and she chose to sit with the calves. I thougth this might have been one of the cutest pictures I have taken this year.

In this moment I was not concerned about fashion and it shows. Morgan told me I look like Red Green. I am not exactly sure who that is but I know its not a compliment. Here is a selfie of me at my post on Sunday. On this day, with almost double the calves in the pen and alot more movement I was kept on my toes. It was fun.

On Saturday Morgan was the lone roper, on Sunday we had four ropers, with three working at a time, this is Trevor Gordon. He has roped a calf by both back heels and is dragging it to the area where Clare or Morgan will apply the neck restraint. This looks harsh. I was pretty on edge the first time I saw this practice at a neighbors branding a few years ago. At the time we were doing all this kind of work at our ranch with a tipping table as part of our chute system. It was slower, less fun and more monotonous. I have become okay with the method pictured here and the drag that is part of it. At the gym Kim has got me doing situps on an incline bench. She has it set very steep, I can only do a max of 4 at a time right now, but it feels so good to let gravity stretch out my back. I find myself thinking about that as these calves get a stretch. When all the treatments are done and the rope is released they pop up and go to find their Moms, showing no sign of harm. After a short truck ride they will have an entire summer at their Mama’s side under the prairie sky. They thrive on Mama’s milk, green grass and sunshine, their vaccines protect them and they are much less likely to be stolen with that brand on them. I think about all that.

In this picture we have two stations going, Kenzie and Clare are applying the deadman restraints, Trevor and Tyce on horseback are keeping ropes tight as the calves get handled, Laurie is cleaning the iron and Cassia is enroute to the supply table to refill taggers. With three ropers the ground crew was kept very busy.

After the branding work was done and a snack was shared at our table the work of the ranch was waiting. Cassia stayed to help. Here she took a time of waiting around to check cows from a new viewpoint.

I got a message from my sister early on Sunday, saying she had her mind on the women in our lives as Mother’s Day dawned. She had her breakfast on this plate and remembered them. The plate is something I made for a Christmas gift. All four of us sisters have a copy now. As for us at the ranch, we had decided to delay celebrating Mothers Day as we were branding and just couldn’t do both well. However, Sunday night I took my plate to the grief support group I am co-leading, there was “homework”, bringing this to share was part of mine.

Wednesday morning brought with it rain. It was such a welcome sight. It meant for some wet conditions. I got called with a request to deliver dry gloves. This allowed a good close up picture of these two in the pasture.

We had decided to celebrate Mother’s Day by going out for lunch with Grandma Shirley on Wednesday. We figured we could really relax only after getting the newly branded calves and their Mamas to their pastures and that meant Wednesday was the day. When I was deciding what to wear I spotted some old t shirts in my closet. They were given to me for Christmas about 15 years ago. The black one says “Morgan’s Mama Bear” with a picture of a sherriff’s badge on it. The green one says “Jill’s Number 1 Mom” with a picture of a lion and Gina’s says “Gina’s Mom” with a picture of a dog. I decided to wear all three in layers and put a sweatshirt over top and then slowly remove layers as lunch progressed. But it didn’t quite go that way. Russ insisted on a photoshoot by the banner at the Flying M. It was fun.

It was heartwarming to have my Bronco full as Russ, Morgan, Clare, Shirley and I left the restaurant and headed to Jean’s ice cream stand. It was cold and rainy but we were celebrating. Afterwards we ate ice cream in the car, cruised around town and did an errand together. I loved it. We dropped Shirley off eventually and headed home. There was goofiness that resulted from the music we loved and this is when the following picture was taken. Russ was driving dramatically and Morgan was into it.

Later that day I entered my final distance to complete this Mother’s Day virtual challenge, something I signed up for in an attempt to honor my Mom by taking care of myself. It had some really nice perks to it and they will be sending me a medal in the mail.

The three days with rain and wind have meant there are puddles all over which is wonderful but also the cows gave been stirred up and not doing so well with their job of mothering. The crew found lots of troubles like cows and calves separated by fences.  The calf pictured below was brand new and abandoned. Its ear was bleeding leading Russ to think that a coyote had been nibbling on it. When he and Clare found it he called me to prepare the dog room for the arrival of a cold wet hungry 600 lb calf. He carried it in and then had to sit down and rest. It is huge. Clare stayed in and took care of it. It needed the attention that Clare had for it.

The linoleum is hard for calves to stand on so when this calf, whom Clare named “Clifford the big red Calf,” started perking up Clare guided it out to the mat in the porch. This video shows it taking its first real steps.

A couple hours later the guys came to pick up Clifford and take her back to the pasture,  not very optimistic that the Mama cow would seek and find it. It was quite a load for Morgan to take down the stairs, making me appreciate Russ even more for the trip up the stairs. This video shows Clare’s progress with Clifford and the trip out.

The following video documents the moments when it was discovered after lunch that Clifford was in fact not motherless.  It was quite a good news story that “Costco” had come to claim Cliford.

It’s now Saturday evening as I write, this cattle move happened last night, a herd of cows and calves came home for branding tomorrow.   It was a crazy move, cows were moving fast, things went wrong, things went right, it was all hands on deck and Clare was worth her weight in gold.  I took this picture from my spot where I was perched to turn the cows west towards home.

I found this amusing….Judy Blume and Tanya Tucker were having a water break with Coffee dog.

A good picture of Clare hard at work.

This was taken this morning at the Regina Airport, the Fentons have arrived!  A fresh chapter of our spring season begins.  From Halifax to Regina by 10:05am local time.  Quite a day for them. 

Signing off from the Bar MW😘

Biscuits, Buffalo, Blessings and Beauty.

Yesterday we held the 3rd Annual Anja cattle drive. Two years ago when our Swiss friend Anja was here we decided to walk our yearling heifers to their summer pasture, that gave her the chance to experience a cattle drive. In the years prior to that we had trucked them. The animals being moved, yearling heifers, are young females that we decided not to sell in order to include them in our herd for the long term. In a couple months they will be introduced to a bull for the first time. We call these young cows our “biscuit heifers”. They are not yet “bred” so they are “biscuits.” Get it?

It was a beautiful day with many memorable moments. I was not on horseback, (I was last year) I just wasn’t in the headspace for it, so I played a support role and from that vantage point was able to get some good pictures.

The biscuit heifers were grazing near our house so this first picture captures the yard in the background as the cowboys move the herd west. I was waiting at the gate where they would turn out onto the road.

From my car window I took this picture of Morgan and sent it to the school secretary as I texted her about Morgan being absent for the day.

The herd is almost out the gate but some of the girls thought they should head east. Thats where I jumped out of my car and into the ditch to change their mind. They did not challenge me really. I might have looked a little scary. A six foot tall woman in a full length burgundy bathrobe was likely not something they were accustomed to!

Everyone is out and heading in the right direction.

And they are off.

Ranching in my robe again.

Over the course of the morning plans for me and what I would do with the crew changed completely. How it ended up seemed perfect. I threw together a make your own sandwich picnic box and met the crew at our land which is about halfway to the pasture. I took this picture just before 11am. I like the vantage point.

This is the herd moving onto the field where I was set up for lunch. This corner is pretty iconic in our area due to this sign. It has become a marker for all who travel near it. Its a red rooster and the words says “Red Rooster Barn”, I think most of us call it “The Red Rooster Road.” A few years ago we got the chance to buy this quarter,  it makes for a good stop point on a day like this.

Benches and a table from my fall cow chase “tool kit” allowed this scene. It was a pretty amazing lunch. The weather was almost too warm but sitting in the sun surrounded by nature was incredible. Later when we talked about it we agreed there was a sense about it that this was fine dining.

There were some pretty fun stories told during this break. This was part of one of those moments.

One of the awesome parts of our lunch was that several trucks went by and they all slowed down, I think there was an attempt to avoid kicking up too much dust on our lunch scene and an awareness that these animals were not fenced so they used an abundance of caution. The respect that was part of this was really nice to experience.  In this picture a “Flying G” truck is going by.

Russ and Clare, a day to day get er done duo at our ranch. Russ is so appreciating having Clare at his side.

I am really happy with this picture I was able to grab of Miles.  He was about to get back riding after lunch was over.

Russ decided to bring Jane our mule on the trail.  Her sole job was to follow the herd and tote water bottles. Jane seemed to have mixed feelings about this. Clare did alot of work to keep her going with the herd. It meant alot to Russ. They have a long history together, this marks the 30th year that Russ has put a saddle on Jane. I was riding Jane the day that Russ gave me my first riding lesson in 1999, a day that ended up with him giving me some TLC after I didn’t ride so well when Jane spotted what she thought was a wolf charging out of some bushes, it was actually a big white husky dog but I found the ground pretty fast. Anyways…….as I was holding onto Jane during the moments everyone was getting back in the saddle she and I talked about the good ol days and she suggested we take a selfie.

The crew and herd are back heading west and I headed home to get the truck and trailer. Morgan was riding one of his young horses and needed to give it a break. When I got back to the herd, about 30 minutes later, there had been alot of excitement. The herd encountered a lone loose buffalo. This shook Russell more than anything he has encountered in a very long time. The moments that followed called for some quick thinking strategy as the buffalo wanted to join the herd, as Russ and Miles worked to manage its movements and keep it out of the herd Clare, Morgan and Laurie did their part to get the herd away as fast as possible. This was very dangerous. The buffalo became agitated, it was shaking its head and snorting. We have only a few seconds of video to mark these moments, that is what Morgan was able to manage in the midst of everything else. In the video you glimpse Jane in the foreground and Miles, Russ, the dogs and the buffalo in the background. It all ended up okay but what allowed this to end so well is a bit of a mystery. Between all on the trail there is a lot of faith, it was Miles who came to the conclusion that God was on the trail all day and Jane with her apparently empty saddle was his steed. Having so recently been in hospitals with Russ I am flooded with gratitude for how these moments unfolded. None of the horses got spooked by an animal that they were so unfamiliar with, that in itself is a miracle.  Russ was riding the same horse that bucked him off for much less two weeks ago,  Morgan added music to his video.

As I jumped out of the truck Russell was quite expressive in telling me what had unfolded, I couldn’t grasp it all at first. Shortly after the stories were told Morg got busy getting his fresh horse ready to go. By the time all was said and done the herd and crew had moved a long way and I had the poetic sight of a lone cowboy on the prairie. This following picture doesn’t do it justice.

A sick heifer needed medicine.  My day included picking up the needed drugs at the vet before picking up the cowboys at the end of the chase.  They had left “Olympia” at our friends’ pasture chute which was enroute to our pasture.   The last job of the day was to return to Oympia and give the meds.  Here Russ got in the chute with her to wedge her and stop her from wiggling.  Morgan was gripping her tail.  Laurie was running the headgate and Miles gave the needles. 

Laurie focused on a job that had some tricky moments.

40 seconds before this photo was taken Knightwing was on the floor in the backseat of the truck with her head down.  All of a sudden the truck erupted with dog noise.  A coyote had been detected.  It was a big healthy one.  Knightwing was certain she needed to exit through Russell’s window, the two of them blocking each other’s view brought the truck to a stop.    Knightwing had work to do, she thought.  It was a bit of chaos.  By this photo moment things had calmed considerably but I was sharing my seat.

The cheezie party was pretty intense, quite a bit of debriefing, two big bags of cheezies and some cold beer then chips were needed.

Glimpses of the Season

Hi! Well, its calving season at the Bar MW and things are perking along.
Between the people and the cow action this is a very interesting place to be a 56 year old woman. I don’t quite know how to write about our days, where to put the focus, so here are a bunch of captioned pictures.

Calving started early, is about half done and has been marked by mostly decent weather and normal losses, so far. The odd thing about this season is that we are half way through and have had only one set of twins. We had so many last year. I haven’t heard any chatter or done research yet about what the difference might be caused by.

In the pictures that follow these big things come up: our girls were home for Easter, we have hired a young woman to help us til late summer and Russ had an injury.

This first picture is one Gina took as she and Jill headed to the ranch with Jill’s cat “Mayonnaise Head”. (There is a seriously good reason for the name.) Its such a fun picture of Jill. It is really handy to have Jill in Regina and able to do airport pickups.

We had our celebration breakfast after the girls got to the ranch. This was my view as I grabbed the last thing from the kitchen. This does a Mama’s heart good.

Russ and I with our kids home.

The next day I was up in time to catch glimpses of the crew before they headed out for the morning check. This first picture is Gina, who usually finds herself on a Toronto bus or subway first thing in the day.

I love this picture of Jill. She is so darn cute. She has become really good with crocheting and made this hat she is wearing.

And introducing…….Clare Olver. After having our friend Anja with us for the last two calving seasons we realized how valuable extra help is with the work of the season. Clare was with us last summer for three weeks as we dealt with summer work, that led to Russ knowing she would be a good match for the work he needed help with this spring. Clare is quite amazing, she has the flexibility, stamina and humor to live the days we live, she has quickly become accustomed to working from a horse every day and she has won over the hearts of all the friends we have introduced her to.

The morning crew as they headed out to check the heifers.

We have been blessed to have friends around on lots of different days as we have needed to move calved out pairs out of the calving pasture. On this particular day we had many helpers altogether.

I came out to the barn after lunch on Easter Sunday and grabbed a few pictures.

I was still in my church clothes, Gina was ready to cowboy. She had forgotten to take her spurs off as she hustled out the door to church in the morning after the early check. I am not sure my ancestors could have imagined one of their own showing up to Easter Sunday celebrations with spurs on, but the times they are a changing and I was very grateful to have her there.

Later in the day Gina came flying up the hill and I was able to catch the moment.

I have always said that watching Russ ride is like seeing poetry in motion. I am struggling to find the words to describe what I see when Morgan is on a horse. Its kind’ve like he was born there. In fact his birth was a straightforward hospital delivery with no horse in sight. He was in his Dad’s arms on a saddle, going top speed, chasing horses within 8 months of his birth. It shows and I see it in this picture.

We made a few memories at the table as we celebrated Easter. We are still talking about the whipped potatoes that Tammy brought to share. We haven’t had Christmas or Easter with Gina since 2021 so it was pretty great to be gathered altogether with our people.

The next morning we had another photo shoot with Liz Griffin. I am slowly making progress on our book about ranching but we need more pictures of calving season. We took the chance to do that while Gina and Jill were home and while lots of calves were being born. I was Liz’s driver through the pasture as we tracked what the cowboys were doing and kept close tabs on a cow that was calving. We got some pretty real images I think.

Liz did a sneak peek release of this picture on her facebook page. I love it!

After the photo shoot Liz joined us for coffee. We got to tell her how the winning knight crowned me “the queen of love and beauty” at the Medieval times show we attended in Toronto. I came home with this sash and crown, we have had fun sharing it with our visitors. Here Clare modeled it for Liz.

Around supper time, while moving pairs one of our grumpy cows charged and hit Russell’s horse and she hit it hard. This made Sundance buck and despite Russell’s best effort, staying on his horse so long and traveling such a distance that the grumpy cow was no longer a threat when Russ hit the ground, well, he hit the ground, and his glasses broke his fall, and broke, and cut him and the impact fractured his eye socket. Before the following picture was taken at 10:40 at night we had been to the Oxbow ER, Dr. Botha had stitched Russ up and ordered an immediate CT scan at Estevan to ensure there was no blain breed. He had also hooked us up with a specialist in Regina to assess vision issues. We had brought a farm truck to Oxbow, thinking we were only going for stitches, but when it became apparent we needed to go on, with my Bronco in the shop getting struts replaced, and not confident at all that the old farm truck would get us all the way to Regina I borrowed a vehicle from my friend Sandy in Oxbow. What a gift to have generous and supportive friends. We got the CT scan done and were in Regina by 1:30am.

Russell’s specialist appointment was at 11am so we took the chance to snoop around a few stores, we needed to buy Russ some clean clothes. Before Lammles opened we got sunglasses at Dollorama to perk up his look and went to check out the Lindt chocolate situation at London Drugs. To Russell’s delight the bunnies were on for less than half price, I picked out two, Russ guffawed, and took a whole flat. The hazelnut Lindt bunnies are his absolute favorite, he calls them “my guys”.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, our kids, Clare and Ron were the crew handling calving and the weather had turned snowy overnight. Here is Gina dressed for the conditions.

Here is how things looked in the pasture as Jill, Coffee dog, Maddie dog, Clare and Morgan headed out to check the heifers. Gina sent us this picture and made us proud but also slightly concerned. These are tough ranching days. We had offers of help from Laurie and David but the kids said they could handle it. Morgan said there were times it was “Lord of the Flies” but they got through it. They did a really good job, most everything was in order when Russ and I returned.

As Russ and I returned from Regina the girls were driving there, Gina had a plane to catch and Jill was due back at work. We met part way for supper and good bye hugs. The next day I took this picture as Russ modeled the crown for the queen of love and beauty and showed off his clean stitches.

There is a little story about why we recently started collecting bunnies. It led to a seasonal “bunny tree” in our hallway. When Russ got a minute he nestled all his treasured Lindt chocolate bunnies among the others. It is very cute.

This is my absolute favorite shelf.

The fact that Clare can smile when the weather is iffy, the days are long and she sees her boss get hurt is simply amazing. From this angle you would never know that Russ was not tip top.

I still find it pretty bizarre that this is my life. So I take selfies when I am doing things where I surprise myself. I have taken care of lots of calves, this should therefore not be surprising to me, but it is. I was getting a bottle into a calf.

The calf I was feeding was in the trailer which allowed me to see some of the crew at work that day. Cousin Jenn was part of the crew.

Friday we were back into Regina for a consult with a plastic surgeon eye guy regarding Russell’s eye socket. This got Russ a little excited. He thought since he was seeing a plastic surgeon maybe he could put in an order for a new and improved look. He kind’ve had his heart set on looking like Cary Grant. He asked me to cue up a picture of him to show to the surgeon. This is what I found.

Morgan thought it was more likely he would turn out like John Wayne when he was Rooster Cogburn.

Jill put in her two cents. She figured Russ was heading for the look of one of the old guys on the Muppets and sent in this picture.

As it turned out the surgeon is not sure if an operation is actually needed. Time for the swelling to go out will determine that. However, a perk of the trip in to see him was a trip to Costco. As we went in I headed for a cart and saw this guy pictured below. I read his shirt. I was just ahead of Russ and had time to think, “is there any chance that Russ won’t comment to this guy?” Like clockwork I heard Russ say, “hey I like your shirt.” Within 30 seconds he had gained permission to take this picture. I think I might be married to the most uninhibited man in Saskatchewan.

Cowboy David joined the crew on Saturday. They had a tricky job with some extra challenging conditions, including our dog Knightwing acting badly, but these four prevailed and got the job done.

Over the weekend Clare and Morgan made Russell an eye patch so that he could resemble that John Wayne character without having the surgery it required. Its pretty close.

This next picture looks harsh but restraining the animal allows safety for all. While Morgan secured the rope Russ and Clare pulled a calf. Everyone was fine in the end. This is our 2nd calf heifer Hoyt Axton. Clare is starting vet tech training in the fall, she did a clearing of the airways and some massage to get this calf established. Good to have her on hand!

Exactly one hour before I was standing in the pulpit on Sunday morning I was getting a bottle into a calf that wasn’t used to it, it was a bit of a struggle. Russell had phoned me, “if you can leave your sermon prep for a bit we have a really hungry calf in the shed.” Things were under control so I headed out but thinking I could get mucked up I waited to get dressed. Clare caught me but she then took over for me, which helped me alot.

You made it this far……if you have 13 seconds, here is a glimpse of a snowy calving crew.

Here is the end of this post. You made it THIS far…..here is a little craziness, what happens when the “kids” are left alone to calve the cows and come in to warm up? Is this what Morgan meant when he said it got “Lord of the Flies”?