dogs – As Far As The Eye Can See

A Rich Weekend

It is 4:29am on Monday November 3^rd. I woke up from a dream about an hour ago that has not left its grip on me. It was not a bad dream just a dream that touched on a lot of pieces of my weekend. It left me thinking. I had such a meaningful weekend. I am here to attempt to capture what it was.

Last week at this time Russ was looking ahead to our big November 1^st cow chase and he was worrying that we were short handed. For a few reasons many of our regulars were unavailable and several could only say “maybe.” The herd being moved was a large one, two herds that had already come some distance this fall and had been hanging out together 18 miles from home. (For those who know our ranch lingo they are the PF herd and the Manor cows). Bringing this big herd a full days ride home is a big job and Russ could not leave our crew situation to chance so he did a bit of recruiting. That resulted in five guests arriving at our home on Friday evening. Every bedroom and our guest space that we call “Clare Hall” was occupied. Of these guests one had been many times, one was on her third visit, one was on her second and two had never been in our home before. Over time chaos of old has subsided a bit and our spaces feel better and its kind’ve an enjoyable thing to dust and straighten and put out clean sheets and towels and just enjoy my home for what it is. I had that pleasure on Friday and it was a bit new to me. Usually getting ready for guests is a race to the finish line and involves an attempt to keep the situation to as little embarrassment as possible.

As it turned out all our “maybes” ended up being able to come and several of our firm “no” friends became “yes” when rain late in the week meant they were not working. By the time all was said and done we were at a solid 22 people on the trail by Saturday morning.

Saturday morning brought a chilly but beautiful sunrise for Laurie.

I had two helpers lined up for my part of the work, one in the morning and one in the afternoon. It turned out that my morning helper got a little more than she asked for but handled it like a champ.

It was strange when my phone rang at 8:45 and it was Patrick, one of the cowboys on the trail. My heart was in my mouth as I answered and true to my worries his voice was shaky. Russ was ok but was doing all he could in the first moments of a crisis with Coffee dog, holding his hand like a cinch on Coffee’s upper leg to slow bleeding caused by a deep cut. I needed to come. I dropped everything, changed into work pants, a jacket that could easily be laundered, I grabbed my rag bin and hit the road. Russ used a scarf of Sharon’s to create a tourniquet, loaded Coffee in the truck, Sharon and Hannah left the crew and headed my way. Enroute to meet them my job was to find a vet. We are so incredibly lucky to live in an area with several vets. I can’t state enough how huge a reality this is. I was so incredibly thankful when I found that one was available. Sharon, Hannah and I met part way just as vet details were getting finalized. I told Dr. Sid I could be there in 20 minutes, thinking after that was not true, I had more than a 20 minute journey ahead of me. It turns out I made it in 18 and beat him there. I stayed with Coffee until her general anaesthetic took effect and then sat in the waiting room. A second vet had been brought in and I was not needed, I didn’t realize a second vet was near and had imagined myself helping with the procedure. I like to think that I can do what is needed when necessary but I was quite relieved to have time to sit, breathe and message. It turns out that the profuse bleeding was caused by a cut artery. Noone knows what happened to Coffee, the first sign of trouble was that she was chasing cows with blood spurting out of her leg. What makes the most sense to Russ is that she cut herself on an exposed culvert. Murtada the vet observed that Coffee is brave and Sharon later reflected, she is resilient, she needed everything she had in these moments. I would be lying if I said experiences like this don’t affect me. At face value its just darn hard, but its triggering, hurt people and animals are all too common an occurrence in my world and there is some interior management required. As I sat in the waiting room I challenged myself to be totally honest. What I was facing down in those moments is how incredibly vulnerable I/we were. Russell, Dr. Sid and Murtada saved Coffee’s life, they are all that stood between a level of emotional devastation that I do not want to think about and a day that could end up feeling almost normal. I named that to Dr. Sid as we were saying goodbye. I needed to. To meet someone in their utter vulnerability and give of yourself is very holy ground. I stood on that ground with profound gratefulness on Saturday morning.

Meanwhile back at the ranch…….Vicki was following recipes and making things happen. She made me laugh when she spoke of her texting with her husband to check in, confessing her lack of felt direction he advised, “stir the soup.” The crew was running a little bit early as it turned out so when Coffee and I returned to the ranch and I got her settled I had to switch gears, it was tough but with Vicki’s help we arrived at the lunch spot only 10 minutes late. This spot has a dugout and grass for the cows so it is a priority to meet there versus wherever the crew happens to be when lunch is finally ready. My time with Coffee meant I didn’t get fresh biscuits made to go with the soups we were offering, knowing this I stopped at the store and got Melita Bakery bread and it was just fine, some thought it homemade. Lesson learned!

Sharon and I look pretty fresh for the morning we put in.

On the trail…..A new and unexpected crew member. We got a new cow dog this year after losing Bingo and Knightwing in the spring and summer. We were not expecting to have Zip on the trail until next year but sensing her good instincts and ability to listen Russ tried her out on a shorter job earlier this week. She did wonderfully. I was so proud when I heard this I wanted to do a whole blog post just about her! A dog on the trail who is younger than most of the calves! (Zip was born May 14^th) Based on this success she was brought along on Saturday. In Coffee’s absence, and with Paisley on vet ordered retirement from chasing cows (Paisley belongs to our friend Jen), we only had Maddie and Zip on the trail. She was needed. While not perfect she did super well. She took some rest periods, but not in the truck with Sharon, she rode with Jen and with Becca in their saddles. I love thinking about the view she had, as opposed to her regular perspective where its a lot of angles of ankles.

After helping serve lunch Vicki joined the crew for the rest of the ride and shortly after I got home to the ranch my friend Erin arrived. She has helped me many times, her daughters love to chase cows, so she moved in very naturally, got dishes done, did prep work, made one of her signature casseroles and visited easily. She is fun. We had a supper ready when at 5:30 the crew was in, a little earlier than projected. These helpers who come alongside make me look good and allow me to experience the joy of hospitality when otherwise I would be swearing and sweating.

After a very long day on the trail people don’t linger long after dessert is served, two of our house guests headed home and our day ended with a cozy visit of five people with a shared footstool between us sipping on tea. At 8:33 one of the circle looked at their watch and said, “well I made it to 8:30, that was my goal, I’m going to bed!” The party broke up and we were all resting before long. Coffee slept between Russ and I, her long body and her cone making for a bit of a bed hog.

Sunday morning had us returning to the cozy circle with cups of coffee. The time in the circle included thoughtful questions asked of me. People don’t ask me about myself too much and I quite enjoyed the chance to ponder and speak. It was the weirdest experience though to be fighting waves of nausea arising from a stubborn headache and sitting there speaking deeply, wanting to carry on as if nothing was wrong. I had to give myself a talking to. As much as I was enjoying the attention and conversation I had to tell myself it was okay to state where I was at, so I did, and of course people were very understanding and enjoyed the chance to ponder that this might be “morning sickness.” That had my mind wandering! At that point we were six days into our empty nest and I was not appalled at the thought of a baby. I am not sure what that says. I am actually enjoying the quiet and order of the house a lot, with modern technology I still hear my kids’ voices and know some of their stories and while its different around here, I am doing okay, but I could handle the thought of a new baby (at least I thought I could, reality would be much much different if that were to come to pass.)

The good-byes with our guests included some feedback that really touched me. I feel like I am bragging to share it but it has such meaning for us. We were told, “this experience is so unique, there aren’t many things I’ve done that are so tiring to the body but refreshing to the soul, there are layers of rest and depth that I hit when I come here that is just…….…..” I won’t say much more about this but basically that reflects one of the primo life goals that Russ and I have. I have pondered it many times since I heard it. It was a big part of my weekend.

Not long after everyone was gone I headed out to meet with a nearby congregation wrestling with decisions about future plans. I was there as a rep from the region and my only job was to listen and support as necessary. It was such an honest meeting shaped by fragile hope, confessions of grief and deep care. I am certain that this meeting was the launchpad for the dream I had that woke me up.

Despite having several hours of discretionary time later in the day I did not put away all the clean dishes that Vicki had whipped into shape while Russ and I were making breakfast and they sit beside me even yet. This is the privilege of the stage of life I am currently in. I can do a little bit of “I don’t feel like it” time and it is not the end of the world. What I did feel like was a bit of creative work on a gift for our ranch crew, I am really happy about this.

My writing spot today, clean dishes on side.

Another special thing that happened this weekend is that at one point I had the chance to listen to someones pain, I felt very very calm within as a story was unfolding. I noticed this and have pondered since, “was I detached from the situation or actually becoming the person I want to be, able to exist in the midst of great pain and be fully present?” It felt more like the second than the first. To put this in broader context though, what I have noticed about myself is that I am absolutely terrible about being present to pain that I have no chance to impact, so I have just about stopped watching the news, it just distresses me. Perhaps finally I have come to really believe in the power of just being present to people, listening and creating space for them to be honest and I can actually hold pain when asked to.

The dream I mentioned earlier felt absolutely major when I woke up, now I am not so sure. The turning points of it seem to be two things. The first part was very specific, I was dropping off something at my friend Linda Powell’s house and decided that there was no time like the present to do some work for the church that would help us understand things better. So I knocked on the door of her neighbor (I have absolutely no idea who that is in real life) and was given the chance to introduce myself. The transitions that happened I am totally fuzzy about right now but the next point in the dream is that I was at her kitchen table. I was able to communicate that I came with no agenda except to listen. She was able to say “that’s good, cause I was kind’ve offended at the start of this.” I don’t remember any of the conversation that followed. I told her I had no agenda but I know I did. I am not sure how this was communicated in the dream but I know I knocked on the door because I am so curious about and want to respect and respond helpfully to what is really going on in people’s lives. In our churches we are reckoning with the fact that fewer people attend. People have a lot going on and are tired and torn and the world is changing and technology is multiplying peoples’ options and so on and so on. In the midst of that, what needs are left unmet? What do people need? I have always thought it isn’t right to say, “how can we get butts in these pews”, that sounds a lot like self preservation, and we can do better. In place of that I want to ponder “what does the church offer that people need?” So as I was waking from this dream I was actively processing that if I went out one evening a week and knocked on the doors of an entire block, in the course of a year I could cover seven communities. Clearly that is not accurate, but in a dream anything is possible. The feeling I had in this dream is that listening was going to be key to the strategy. I was perhaps naïve to think that trust could be built quickly and what people really need could be explored but I think not naïve to believe that it feels way different to be listened to rather than talked at and being listened to and taken seriously is a big part of what people need. We don’t do this perfectly in our United Churches but we really try to welcome people as they are and experience together the good news that God loves us, as we are, and is actively working with us for greater wholeness for ourselves and the world.

As I ponder all this the theme I see is holy ground. Maybe that is a piece of what we all need. Is it fair to say that many of us are hungry for holy ground, for ground where we can be fully ourselves, vulnerable, human, hoping, chilled and thrilled by our adventures, and there we find God waiting for us. In the terrifying space between life and death, and when skilled hands and kind eyes meet us where we need them, in the midst of caring conversation, in the saying out loud our fragile hopes, in the love poured into a warm bowl of stirred soup? I can’t speak for others but that is where I found holy ground this weekend and I am so thankful.

Thanks to Jen and Becca for most of the photos in this blog.

Gruntled at Christmas

This week I was made aware of the word “gruntled”, the opposite of “disgruntled,” and much more positive! That word describes how I feel as I sit at my computer and consider the week we have known.

On Tuesday Russ and I headed to Regina to see Jill in the musical she was in. The days held some moments of real delight, moments that really encouraged me to feel gruntled.

We attended the show with my Aunt Danna and Uncle Vic. We caught up with Jill in the foyer at intermission. Jill’s role in the show was a parent of school children, that role extended to the foyer time where she was responsible to keep track of her stage kids as they all mingled with the crowd. This is Aunt Danna, Jill and one of her children.

This is a picture Jill shared with us that was taken by the Conexus Arts Centre photographer. It gives a sense of the staging. This was so well done.

A memorable scene from the show (which was “Matilda”) . This is the headmistress Ms. Trunchbull being her mean self. When Jill sent the picture she said, “I love the expressions!” (Another Conexus picture.)

Here is Jill with her stage son and stage daughter and our friend Gabrielle who was also in the show. She and her Mom hosted us in Regina, offering us such warm and generous hospitality. It was a lovely part of our Christmas week.

The time with Aunt Danna and Uncle Vic turned out to be the start of a trend. The next day Russ and I visited with another uncle and aunt. A couple days later I had a message on my phone, from an uncle in Toronto, it included the words “I love you Kath”. I spent the last few days in close contact with Shirley. I am wired in such a way that these moments with my elders and the messages they give me fill my cup. I knew as we pulled away from our Regina visits that a big part of my Christmas was already made.

Enroute home from Regina we detoured to Bengough area where we ended up buying a new to us horse trailer. The family that sold it was a treat to meet. We need a smaller trailer for times when Morgan is hauling only one or two horses for his activities. He is away from us more and more working for others and doing a bit of rodeo stuff. It was quite sobering to be at Bengough, it was 12 degrees there, no snow in sight and no moisture in sloughs. Another reminder of our current blessings. We stopped for supper in a tiny town called Ogema where we discovered a restaurant that served amazing brisket.

The next evening we were at our church for the Blue Christmas service. I was part of a team that worked on it. I put one of those candles in the long row. We placed and lit candles in honor of loved ones or challenges we have. In my memory my Mama’s light burns bright.

Russ has a tradition of gifting each of us a book he wants to share with us. He inscribes each one and does a great job of it.

By this point on Friday we knew that Canada Post had not delivered Gina her box with her stocking and gifts from us. She did not come home for Christmas. She is saving time off for calving season and cow chase, which is awesome when it happens but a pill for all of us to swallow in these days. Her days have been full. She and her room-mate have just moved to a new apartment, one of my favorite memories of her this week is the video she sent that Evelyn took. It was Gina driving a U-Haul moving truck through the streets of Toronto, singing and capable. It had a mood to it that I just loved. I am proud of Gina for her strength and resilience in moving, dealing with no gift box (it has been in Toronto for days but hasn’t made it to her house according to the tracking, now to be delivered tomorrow) and being away from all the family Christmas time hubbub. She has dealt with it honestly, both tears and a chin up. What a girl.

Later on Friday Morgan returned from shopping in Estevan. He had a few gifts bought for Jordanna. He and Russ posed, it strikes me that all three characters in this picture have beautiful eyes.

Christmas eve was special. There is a whole story here that might get told another day. An unexpected hi-lite was a long long visit with friends we had not seen in a while.

After church we spent some time with our advent candle wreath and opened up our ornaments for this year. Jill was glowing.

Russell’s ornament for this year marks the joy he found in inventing a beverage “recipe” and serving it to many friends over the year. It started when Anja was with us and Russ was worried he was working her too hard and she was going to fade away. They would come in for a 2nd breakfast in the morning and Russ would get things rolling by making Anja a hot chocolate. He got fancy with it and it delighted her and others over the year. When I ordered the ornament I knew it was hot chocolate he made, not coffee, I could picture the mountain of whipped cream, caramel and chocolate syrups drizzled over top, but mistakenly I called it Hobbit Coffee and I guess that is how on this ornament it will be memorialized. The word Hobbit is applied to the recipe because in the movie Lord of the Rings the hobbits eat several times a day, with glee. When Russ and Anja came in for a second breakfast (which Russ always cooked), they were living like Hobbits.

I am a very sentimental person. I will always remember this part of my Christmas experience. I had lots of help with final preparations but when Russ and Jill finally went to bed, thinking almost everything was done, Grandma Shirley wouldn’t quit me. We had been working on wrapping together for a long while with a pretty good strategy. I got the paper in place and she applied the tape. Our shared effort, her earnest seriousness about her job and her 90 year old fingers just combined to make some holy moments. A humorous moment topped it all off, we will likely fold into family lore as the years go by. At 1:24am we were done. Shirley went to the kitchen. She popped back to the table and said, “is the time on the stove right?” I said, “I’m not sure Shirley.” I checked my watch, “its 1:24 Shirley, what does the stove say?” She replied, “it says 5:20, and I was thinking, if its 5:20am we don’t even need to bother going to bed!” I love that zest. She is legendary!

Knightwing came inside for the start of the morning and made sure she was the first to get a greeting from Grandma Shirley when she arose (this was 7:25am).

At our place whoever has the job of handing out gifts from the tree has to put the hat on, we take turns being “Santa.” I started it off and Russ made me pose. I am pretty thrilled by the new Christmas Onesie I am wearing. A result of discovering, thanks to my sister Margie, that Old Navy sells many clothes for tall women.

Russ wanted Morg to have these goggles for the times when we cowboy in blizzards, they were part of his Christmas morning plunder. I can’t find the words to talk about this picture though.

As the sun rose it revealed a beautiful still morning and hoar frost on the trees. It was a white Christmas for us, in more than one way.

We had a nice visit with Jordanna’s family mid afternoon on this gorgeous Christmas day.

We have had new traditions develop in recent years, they include gathering with friends and family for a planned potluck Christmas supper. The guest list changes every year depending on who is available. We had a really fun supper last night.

Our friend Mark is in this picture with Grandma Shirley. Mark and Russ have been friends with Shirley’s family since their school days.

While sitting in my spot I got a text from Jill who was further down the table. It is seen here below.

I love this text. It says to me, “I see you Mom.” She knows how my brain works.

Sharon was extremely popular when clean-up started.

In the coming week Russ and I will be celebrating our 23rd wedding anniversary. The way time flies just wows me.

A little housekeeping….I checked with my people here and the guests in the pictures and they say the words and pictures shared of them are okay.

And in conclusion, I am tired but I feel more whole than I did a week ago, I am definitely gruntled. These days are full and hard and wonderful and trying and very capable of stirring so many feelings. I hope in these days after Christmas the pace of things allows the gruntled moments to shine bright for you.

A Rebuttal to Stress

This post is mostly just fun stuff, parts of the last few days that have nothing to do with the regular stress of life. The weather and schedule have allowed these moments.

Morgan and Russ spent much of Saturday on their horses working at the back at the Chopper K Auction Mart. Our friends were selling much of their herd there. Russ and Morg ushered cows, bulls and calves to the pens after they were done in the auction ring. It was a beautiful day and they had lots of hours side by side.

Grandma Shirley came over Sunday afternoon to help us decorate for Christmas. Knightwing loves her, and seemed to sense her presence in the car, she never came near my door but went straight to Shirley’s side.

After the initial greeting Knightwing stopped all movement to the door when she flopped herself down in front of Shirley and posed herself for a belly rub. Grandma Shirley obliged her.

It has become our tradition to enjoy favorite snacks while we decorate the tree. The last couple of years we have started with a charcuterie board of our treats and a sit down feast time.

Russ and Bingo had the job of encouraging the tree decorators. I wonder what they were saying to each other in this moment.

When these arm-less glasses came out of the decor box Russ got busy making a photoshoot happen. This is the smile that can light up an arena, yep, thats Jordanna.

Jill arrived home late Saturday, she made Christmas decorating a priority in her schedule.

I took this picture for Gina before I hung her ornament from last year on the tree. FDC stands for “Fight Directors of Canada”, she got her intermediate certification last year, her ornament marked that achievement. We are missing her.

Today Russ had ambitions to get as many bales hauled as possible but ran into a flat tire and realized he really needed to get all new tires to make his work as safe as possible. He was very fortunate when the tire shop closest to the field had the tires he needed. He was travelling with Kngihtwing and Bingo at this point. They managed life on the hoist very well.

Today my phone rang about 3:30, it was Morgan, “hey Mom, whatcha doing?” I was working on my laptop and drinking a mocha. My presence was being requested to pull the “heel-a-matic”, a roping dummy on wheels that Morg can use for roping practice. Honestly, I didn’t want to. I had been working on the house all day and I had just settled in at my computer. But……in an effort to be a good Mom I bargained for time to finish my mocha and then headed out. Of course, it was fun and I was glad to be there. Its usually like that with kids. Here is the view in my rear view mirror.

This is a glimpse of the heel-a-matic pal I pulled.

It gave me a feeling of deep contentment, a glimpse of the old normal, to be working on supper and have Morgan at the counter doing homework and Jill working on a project. I had to grab a picture.

While at the counter Jill had a look at the last blog I published. She said it was good but it was missing this picture. This was a screenshot of the Whatsapp call that linked Regina, Carnduff, Alameda and Halifax while our calves were selling on Thursday. This call was a first, but we are lucky to have these folks that care alot about us and how things are going.

Last night I got a message from my friend Lindsay. She had time today to come and be with me to tackle the cleaning work. Of course I said yes. So, the really great reality as this day unwinds is that our home has received lots of TLC and the walls have heard some good conversation.

The days ahead are really busy and hold some pressure as we get the last of the big fall jobs done on the ranch and I lead a funeral. It is very good to have these lighter moments, special people and images to ponder as we tackle what lies ahead.

When I read this to the family here and asked for their feedback, asked what they would want to see changed, it went like this……

Russ wanted it noted that this was Jordanna’s first time helping us get ready for Christmas and this is a big moment for him (Russ), he not so secretly wants Jordanna to be his daughter in law.

Jill thought the following three pictures should be added.

Jill enjoyed participating in Russ and Morg’s cow moving job at the sale on Saturday via a whatsapp video call from Russ, catching her on her break.

Jill glimpsed the Shirley and Knightwing action from the door and grabbed a picture. This is her perspective on those tender moments.

Today Jill did a few hours with Russ as he moved bales home. They had a fun time together.

Morgan offered this quote in my voice that he wanted included, “Morgan didn’t start out as our favorite but he quickly rose to the top, he did this by his postiive can-do attitude and strong work ethic that he demonstrates in his day to day life.”

My reply to that was to turn to Russ and say, “he’s writing his own report card!”

Jill’s rebuttal……Jill remains our favorite, through her postive can-do attitude and her strong work ethic and in addition, her tremendous cool vibes and endless spice and immense talent (followed by her ferral laugh, she is not comfortable tooting her own horn.)

Russ felt it was imperative to include Gina in this conversation. He was lucky to catch her at this late hour in Toronto, she and Jack (her boyfriend) were watching a show. She got straight to the point in rebutting Morgan saying,

“Morgan cannot say he has a positive can-do attitude because he is rude and angry when he has to help people that don’t know how to ride horses.” This very much offends Gina, Morgan’s defense is, “Because wer’e not f-in ‘heartland'”, and, in addition….Gina feels that Jill is the favorite.

So there it is, a simple blog that got a bit crazy.

Jill just said, “if people make it to the end of the blog they deserve a little fun.”

I’ll Huff and I’ll Puff

On Sunday things were pretty quiet at our ranch. I was in North Portal and Estevan all morning leading worship, Russ, Morgan and our friend Lynn were dealing with a cow problem in the pasture that came up the day before. After Russ threw together a very fast lunch they headed to the Alameda area to help our friend Miles move a herd of his cows home. When I got home from Estevan our home was empty and quiet. I had lunch and a nap, a long nap. Like I said, our home was very quiet on Sunday. By 6pm Russ and Morg were back, I had found my way past my nap induced stupor and was making supper. It was in these moments that Russ challenged me, “guess who got “Dog of the Month” today! Just guess!” My first reaction was, “Russ, its only the 5th day of the month, dog of the month….already?!” He insisted that something so spectacular had happened that yes this was certainly dog of the month material.

Who earned DOG OF THE MONTH? It was Knightwing, our German Shepherd/Marama cross guard dog who loves to travel with the crew and do what they are doing when we let her. She loves to herd cattle.

Here she is between Gina and Russ on the trail last fall.

Knightwing earned her award while working the McNeil cows. In those Sunday afternoon moments Miles witnessed Knightwing encounter a wolf. Miles’ description of the wolf is that it was big, as tall as his stirrups were from the ground. Knightwing caught sight of it and went in hot pursuit, she chased it away and followed it into some bushes. There was, at that point, some wondering, “will we ever see Knightwing again?” It didn’t seem wise to go off with such a potentially fierce creature. However, moments later, Knightwing reappeared, her work done. She had driven off that wolf, it was not to be seen again. We know that Knightwing rises to the challenge of coyotes regularly, often sinking her teeth into them, but to see her boldly protect her people and these cows from a wolf was new territory, not something Russell has ever seen. Through Miles’ recollection of the story Russ very readily made the declaration that Knightwing had earned “Dog of the Month” designation. Our wonder at this creature we have been entrusted with grew some more.

We hold Knightwing in our thoughts with alot of wonder for many reasons. She is the only dog we have that smiles. It really endears her to people.

Our friend Dawson sent me this picture one day while he was dogsitting for us. Earlier I had asked Dawson if he had a favorite dog, he told me that it was Knightwing because she smiles. Here you may be tempted to see a fierce expression, but this is her smile.

Kightwing connects with people, she is our 90 year old friend Shirley’s favorite dog, I think because Shirley feels that Knightwing remembers and recognizes her from visit to visit and looks for her. No arrival at the ranch is complete until Shirley and Knightwing have connected. Knightwing is quite a needy dog. She loves belly rubs and her favorite place to ask for one is in the driveway, where she is supposed to be guard dog on duty. Knightwing needs lots and lots of sympathy in the winter. She sleeps outside in a dog house just outside our door. In the morning when Russ lets the Collies out to do their morning routine, Knightwing comes barreling into the house. She heads straight for our room where I am usually still in bed. She jumps straight onto the bed and buries herself as close to me as she can and starts talking. She whines and I listen, when its my turn to talk I ask her questions, I thank her for fighting off the coyotes, for braving the cold, I say, “poor Knightwing” and we go back and forth until she is done. I really love those moments.

Here is a morning Knightwing moment, after she has finished getting all her concerns off her chest.

The designation of Knightwing as dog of the month for her wolf fighting work came at an interesting time. In the morning, at church, I had brought some toys to help tell the Children’s story, these included a Shepherd, sheep, lambs and two wolves.

We were talking about how God is like a Shepherd who cares for us and protects us and leads us to places where we can find what we need. As we thought about the menacing wolf that was set up a little ways away from the “herd” a little three year old girl whispered under her breath “I’ll huff and I’ll puff”, we ran with that a bit. We tried to see if I could be a wolf and blow the Shepherd and sheep down, nope I couldn’t. The wolf did not prevail.

In 24 years of living in ranch country I have had cause to think about wolves so very seldom I want to say “never.” I am therefore a little bit fascinated that on this one day these two stories lined up. When Russ told me about our “dog of the month”, I knew I wanted to blog about it and tell you readers.

I want to probe one more thing. I find myself wondering if Knightwing illustrates something important. She is wired to need certain things. She just needs tummy rubs. She just needs to get to cry/talk/whine when her world is frosty. Her vulnerability, apparent weakness and need for compassion have not compromised her ability to be attentive and fierce, very fierce, when need be. I feel like our culture readily shames people for being vulnerable, for needing tenderness and touch, for needing compassionate conversation. Does Knightwing illustrate the possibility that we do our best with our life callings when we are seen, when at times we are encountered with tenderness and when sympathy is shared through compassionate conversation. Such realities have not ruined Knightwing and her calling to be fierce and protective when need be. Maybe they have made her that much more invested in doing her thing to protect her people, her cows, her Collie sisters. I don’t know but seeing Knightwing in action as both needy one and protector I am more invested than I was before in believing that the world is better, that we all do better, when we let ourselves truly see and respond to those who cross our path. I see you, you see me.

Hello Tuesday

I had an experience on Sunday morning that I was eager to write about as it was unfolding. I didn’t get a chance.

It was likely a couple months ago that I got a phone call from the church in Estevan asking if I could lead worship at their Church and include the sacrament of Holy Communion. They are currently without a minister and therefore do not get the chance to have communion very often. I remember thinking that by late November I would be free of cow chase work and I could be available. The thing is, I then forgot that I had made the commitment. It was a busy fall and I think my brain is struggling to hold onto many details. I am not really worried about this, even though my Dad was my age when his dementia began. There was a random moment of extreme grace that saved my hide. I was at a church meeting in Carnduff a few weeks ago when our minister said to me, “Kathy you are at Estevan on the 20^th eh?” She had been at a meeting there and saw their worship plan. I was stunned by the news she had for me. I came home scoured the calendar and the notes on my desk and I did not find any record of it. Could it be? I eventually just had to call the church and talk to the secretary in a way that might confirm the date without revealing how forgetful I was. It was true. I was on the schedule. By this point my aunts funeral was already set for Friday in Saskatoon. It was destined to be a busy time. Things unfolded as they needed to and I was grateful to be safely home from Saskatoon and prepared for worship as 9:15 rolled around on Sunday morning. As I walked to my closet to grab my stole, (an embroidered very long scarf that I wear during the sacraments) with the family already headed to the truck, I looked down to realize that there were spots of blood on the floor. Nothing awful had happened. One of our dogs had begun to cycle. I had already done some cleaning up earlier in the morning and naively thought I had it. In a moment when time was short I just decided to step over it. That is the exact moment when I said, “I want to write about this.” Why? I think there is a thought in society that ministers and the activities that fill our lives are kind’ve holy, perhaps holier than thou? That moment seemed to capture much. I was about to conduct the service that I would have missed had it not been for Susan’s attention to details, I was stepping over canine menstrual blood and I was leaving mess in my path as I headed out the door. Ancient notions of holiness included total separation from menstrual blood. Being forgetful is a sin in this culture of ours. Is orderliness next to Godliness as the saying goes? All those things were tumbling around in my head as we pulled out of the yard in the still very dirty truck. If service to God requires all our ducks are in order I cannot rise to the task. If service to God requires a willingness to go where we are needed with the best that we got, relying on God to both understand us and work through us, well, its worth a try. The folks in Estevan delighted us with such a warm welcome. Its another example, in my own experience, that we best not wait til we have everything polished up to jump into the life that is in front of us. Maybe this is where faith actually comes in. Daring to believe that we are good enough as we are, to be people who live to help God make the world more whole.

This picture is 2-1/2 years old but is the last one I have that illustrates what a stole looks like. This was during a service that we recorded outdoors during total lockdown, a “blessing of the animals” service.

P.S. Something funny…..when I read this over to Russell he said, “thank goodness you clarified about that blood. I was thinking that when you said our dog had begun to cycle people were going to think that Knightwing had taken up biking and was getting lots of owies!” That mental picture gives me the giggles.

When Knightwing isn’t busy with her first job – guard dog at the ranch, and when she isn’t working on her new hobby of bike riding, wink, wink, she is a committed cattle dog, totally part of the team.

December 8th – Checking In

Its shortly after 6am, I have been awake since 5:15am, thats the fourth day in a row of that nonsense. Day 1 was so that I could be ready to lead worship and get there on time, day 2 was because I forgot to turn off my alarm from day 1 and I couldn’t go back to sleep, day 3 was because our dog Maddie started barking for no apparent reason, today it was Coffee dog, same time, same thing, random barks starting at 5:15. I went to bed earlier last night to try and compensate for how foggy headed I felt and I am glad because I am ready for a bit of writing this morning instead of desperately trying to get more sleep.

I thought maybe I would write about a few things that have been happening.

On Friday night Russell and I drove to pick up Morgan from a friends’ place. We had never been in their home before but were welcomed in for a drink. They had a couple friends over already. The six of us, and Morgan and his friend and dogs and other kids moving in and out sat in their kitchen and had a really good visit. Do you know what didn’t happen? Cellphone activity. You would never know cell phones existed except for a story that got told about forgetting one and me getting a text I needed to check and answer right at the very end of the visit. It was so cool to experience that. It felt old fashioned and right and good.

I spent my weekend with my head deeply immersed in thoughts and stories I was exposed to as a result of preparations for the sermon on Sunday morning. I listened to a priest on youtube, his name Father Gregory Boyle, he has overseen a very effective gang rehab ministry in Los Angeles from its very beginning. He knows alot of stuff about life. While I tuned in to hear about compassion I have taken away new wisdom about how important it is that we are all connected to each other and about what needs to be in my head as I am doing my lifework. It has been a gift.

Monday morning when the alarm went off at 5:15, I grabbed my phone to turn it off quickly (with some exasperation at myself), and then noticed I had a Messenger bubble notification on my screen. I tried to go back to sleep but wasn’t successful. I checked that notification. Well then for sure I didn’t go back to sleep. Late the night before someone had sent me a video, I presume they thought I needed to watch it, seeing the title stirred feelings of anger and stirred up my brain. It was called, “why are people choosing to live in cages?” I lay there wondering if I should respond to it, I thought to myself “I should watch it” but then thought, “why?” With all of Father Boyle’s wisdom about relationship on my brain I think I was sensitized to what was going on in me as this link landed in my world. What I needed was a message to go along with the link, I needed the person to say, “Hey Kathy, I sense you have some pretty clear convictions about all this Covid stuff. Listen, I saw this video today, it made me think of you. It had a good illustration I wanted you to hear. I would be curious what you think?” If that message had landed with the link then we would be in the land of relationship. I might have then answered back, “Hey, thanks for thinking of me and taking the time to connect about this stuff. I honestly don’t know if I will watch it. I am tired and I don’t have much of a brain for conflict right now. Its Christmas, I got this grief thing going on in a different way than last year, I have lots of projects in front of me. Mostly, the title throws me off, honestly, the reality of a cage just doesn’t connect. I see what is being asked of us Canadians is because something very big is at stake. I was asked the other day, “where did you get your mask? I love it!” My answer, “Newfoundland.” I was in Newfoundland this fall. So, yeah, I am not feeling pulled by this title. I really thank you for thinking of me.”

I think I would attach this picture, just for a visual about why the illustration of a cage has nowhere to land in me.

This is an extremely corny thing I am sharing, but to celebrate our 20th anniversary we had some pictures taken with our wedding clothes on, situated on the most eastern point of the continent. In this picture the only thing ahead of us is Europe, everything and most everyone dear to us is at our backs.

Without any attempt at human connection going with the delivery of this link it was kind of disorienting. I don’t know this person well at all, what does she want of me? She started this, let her create a little context for me, I have enough miscellaneous stuff floating around for my brain to manage. So that is something I have been working on getting my head around these days.

We decorated for Christmas about 10 days ago. Grandma Shirley came over and we had a day of getting at the work of pulling out the boxes, rearranging the furniture, setting up and hanging and discovering again all our old favorites. We ate copious amounts of treats, except ju jubes which got overlooked in our preparations. It almost didn’t feel like Christmas without jujubes and our favorite Christmas CD which we somehow misplaced. Christmas will come even if we don’t have the Veggietales Christmas Album on. I guess. I love the end result. As the days get dark so fast and it has turned really cold, the lights and the gentleness mean that much more.

This was definitely a time for team work.

Yesterday Russ picked up a large amount of product from the Vet Clinic as we prepare to work with our herd to delouse and deworm them. I believe the bulls are first up and that is scheduled for this weekend. I have been shopping for the gates that Russell needs, our local Peavey Mart didn’t end up having them. So, thats just a few sentences about what is percolating at the ranch. The days are more predictable, generally speaking, and I value that.

Coffee Break Time

Last Saturday I was sorting through a drawer and found prescription stuff for our dog Eowyn, who was a puppy last year at this time. I looked at the date and thought, “oh we are doing well, Coffee is exactly the same age and she has not been to the vet for anything serious.” Eowyn had been quite a mischevious dog and had two head injuries as a young pup. Hence the reminders of medicine and treatments. We lost Eowyn on the first day of school this past year, when she was stepped on by a bull. It was then a hard decision to get another pup when we had the chance. We did and Coffee has been a real light in our life. It was therefore like a bit of a wee nightmare when Russell phoned me Saturday afternoon (only hours after I had decided we were off to a great start with Coffee) and said, “Coffee got stepped on, can you come pick her up and take her to the vet?” He shared his theory that she had a broken leg, due to the sound he heard. I dropped what I was doing and got out the door. These are the phone calls I hate for obvious reasons, but they also contribute to a databank of anecdotes that all scream at me, “Life is risky! Your heart is not secure! Your life is not controllable!” Those things are all true, but they are darn hard to reckon with very much.

Russell and Gina had been out working with a small group of cows, moving them from one pasture to another, just across a road was the goal. It should have been straightforward and easy but it wasn’t. The cows in this group are ones that we are not breeding again, mostly because they are so aggressive and we don’t want them around, they will do best in the world when they become part of the food chain. There are three that are just terrible, their motherly instinct is fierce and it doesn’t subside as things get established, they have proven themselves to be dangerous pretty much year round.

This picture that Liz Griffin took this calving season is a good illustration of how much the dogs are part of the action and that it can get intense.

This is another recent Liz Griffin picture, this is one of our permanently aggressive cows. Just like in this picture, on Saturday afternoon it was coming for Russell’s horse, so the horse moved fast to get out of the way and Coffee was in the wrong spot for that motion and got underfoot. The fact that Coffee got injured seems to be further proof we need to get rid of the mean cows.

Russ figured out a way that he could end the cattle move right then, sent Gina home with the horses and came to the vet with Coffee and I. I cannot lift more than 20 pounds so this turned out to be a blessing because Coffee needed to be carried. She was also overheated, it was one of our super hot days and she was stress breathing. In this picture she has ice packs on to cool her down and is having a break during the xray process.

Bingo came with us to the vet. She insisted and it made things simpler for Gina but right before we pulled away she found cool water/mud somewhere, which in our focus on Coffee we did not realize. Bingo spent time alone in the vehicle while I grabbed some quick groceries and Russ was with Coffee at the clinic. Bingo was able to get mud all over the passenger parts of my SUV. This is where I imagine someone saying, “Kathy, why don’t you set more limits? Why do you let all this chaos into your world?” To that I answer, there is constantly a triage process happening in my brain, sorting through what is important (which is no simple question), what is urgent, what can be dealt with later. In these moments I could not get worried about my seats which will wipe clean, Bingo needed us and honestly I think I needed Bingo. I spent time with her out in the yard at the clinic while Russ did 98% of the time inside with Dr. Dawn and Coffee. I liked it that way. I am finding I don’t do well in moments like that. I had paper recycling in the back and a water bottle and with these I got the seats that Russ, Coffee and I needed cleaned off and ready for the trip home. Bingo got to keep her muddy seat. (Both Bingo and the seat were dried here and much less threatening looking than they initially were!)

Back home with sedative to sleep off Coffee was an easy patient, Jill was near and happy to comfort her. Morgan was away all weekend helping friends with their cows. We elected to not tell him about Coffee’s mishap until he got home. That was a good decision.

This picture was taken back in early January, the night we picked up Coffee from her owners. What I didn’t realize in this moment was the kind of bond that Morgan was ready to establish with this dog. He and Jill have spent so much time with her and just loved her into her best self. Therefore the news of injury was very tough. As he got used to things Morgan began doing some problem solving, what would make this heal best? He texted Dr. Dawn with the question, “should I be giving a calcium supplement to Coffee?” She answered back, “nope, just lots of cuddles and kisses.” That is an easy presciption to make work.

We took Coffee to the vet for a check-up yesterday. Russell and Megan were able to restrain Coffee for the removal of her splint and for the assessment. I was needed for a bit to restrain while getting the new splint applied. We were able to avoid sedative this way. Dawn was great. She said that everything looked very good underneath and we are good to go for another week.

Those are arms of love but for Coffee I am sure they didn’t feel like it in the moment. Coffee is very resilient, she was acting like herself within a minute of being done.

Prior to marrying Russell I had only one experience with a pet, a cat we got when I was already a high school graduate. I didn’t grow up like my kids are growing up, surrounded by 4 legged creatures, some that sleep with them. The word that comes to mind this morning is “privilege.” It is a privilege to have these lives join ours and journey together. Isn’t it funny how the same thing that I call a privilege is also the thing that causes me to say “this is chaos!” Its so true. At 2am I was awakened by Coffee barking (but teen boy Morgan wasn’t woken!), I went downstairs and let her out of Morgan’s room, I let her have a drink and tucked her back in. Before I was back in bed she was barking again. I brought her up to the dog room tucked her in there and thankfully never heard from her again. In these middle of the night moments of wakefulness I am tempted to feel hard done by. Sometimes I totally do and I get a bit stormy. Last night, perhaps mindful of how blessed I feel that Coffee is on the mend, I was at peace and went back to bed and went to sleep. There is alot of deep stuff at play here……the power of relationship between creature and human, the possibility of and evidence of healing, so much gratitude for skilled caregivers like our veterinarians and gratitude to the Creator of all who has designed a world where healing, relationship and helping are forces like gravity, always having a say in what we need and how we act, for better or worse. Coffee is a joy, both the dog and for me the beverage. Thanks for taking a break a reading about our coffee.

The Dog Days of Spring

My larger goal with my blog is to keep things very real. I can’t imagine what benefit there would be to projecting this message, “we sure have our sh*t together.” We don’t. Today that means nothing dark to report thankfully, just life.

Our dogs are a huge and constant source of joy, having said that they cost me. Last night around 2:30am I was wakened by our outside dog, she was defending our yard from coyotes (I think), her barks were quite ferocious and Coffee responded from the dog room and joined in. That’s a lot. I was awake. I could not go back to sleep for three hours. Now I am so whooped I am almost useless, so why not write a blog about it eh? Its 6:50pm, I think the guys will be working for another hour but I am tired so I am unusually hungry. I am generally trying to eat low carb but I just polished off a large bowl of leftover perogies. Its one of those days. Back to the dogs…….I was just rounding the counter when I started to trip over a noisy thing on the floor but ended up just kicking it. I thought it was a dogbone. No, not that pretty. Coffee had brought in a donkey hoof trimming from the ferrier’s recent visit. A couple friends with donkeys brought them over to meet with the ferrier. We had souvenirs. True confession here……..I have a regular appointment with a cleaning woman. Every second Tuesday she is here. I’ll be honest, I feel guilty about this. It’s a serious indulgence especially now that I am not working outside the home. It needs to be in place until I dig myself out from the pileup that happened when I was committed to too much. Maybe I will always give myself this treat. For one thing, it frees me up to have company without worrying about the state of the house, at least not as much as I used to. (I am operating under the belief that the day will return when once again our house holds regular company). Anyways, today was Joanna’s day to be here and two hours after her departure I have a horse hoof on my kitchen floor. If I used hashtags this would be the spot to place a #ranchwifelife.

This donkey hoof is not as gross as it looks.

As I write this Coffee is playing with the water dish. Its quite large and holds a lot of water and it can create a flood when she gets going, and I should be disciplining her, but here I sit. And this is the spot for a hashtag including these words…. if I ignore it will it go away? I always try hard to have the house clutter free before Joanna gets here, I can achieve that in places, but never in the 3 years I have had Tiki Cleaning coming here have I ever been truly ready in the whole house. Todays victory was slim, the kitchen was almost perfect by the time she got to it (better than it has looked in weeks and now even better after her handiwork).

The scene where, believe it or not, clutter has been reduced.

Back to the dogs…….this morning Coffee had another set of puppy vaccinations. She rolled into the vet clinic like a beast on fire. She was so excited by the bird in the lobby and being out and hearing other dogs and she made her presence known. As I was holding her for the early part of the exam I quietly urged her, “okay Coffee, now show these women your best self, you can do it Coffee!” Then I explained to Coffee that they were used to our old dog Foxy, a sweet and quiet Chihuahua, she needed to be like Foxy. There is nothing like negative comparisons to guide behaviour…..not my best moment, but really I was just trying to be funny. I was kind’ve embarrassed by her huge presence, her 15 kg was coming off as 50. The trip home was a bit outrageous. I had groceries in the back and Coffee was super reactive to vehicles we crossed paths with. Its like she thought she would chase them off so she would throw herself at the back window each time one went by. I thought she was going to give herself brain damage. After the third time it happened with no sign of it abating I roared. When I have mentioned my grouch factor before many people have said to me, “YOU….grouchy? I can’t imagine it.” I wish you could have been there. You would have believed it. She was driving me nuts and I was sleep deprived after all! Despite making myself hoarse after shouting her name only a few times, nothing changed. I pulled over onto the highway shoulder, got her on my lap and held on for dear life. She was perfect the whole rest of the way home, best pals, only damage was the wet mark on my pants from her slobbering on me. Earlier in the ride I had resigned myself to the thought that I had likely ruined 6 dollars worth of bread by letting Coffee near the groceries in the state she was in. It turned out the bread was perfect. It was the tortilla chips that died, I see a taco salad in our future.

In other news it has been a record setting day on the ranch. According to the names Russell is sending my way we have had 22 calves today and glory be, none of them needed me. There are some noteable ones for sure. We started the day relieved that Canada had safely calved and birthed herself almost a mini me. She is red and white so she earned her nametag. Later in the day another special red and white cow gave us a calf. Here she is…..

This is Mrs. Claus, she had just birthed her own mini me.

The heifers were really busy today too, emotion, fidelity and lust all calved. (Story behind these weird names in the blog post called “Love Me Tender”). One of the later ones today is “Abba.”

“ABBA” with her new calf. We love the music of ABBA at our house.

The sun is shining, the wind is low, the air is warm, it’s been an especially beautiful prairie spring day. A great day to have 22 calves. Now I am going to leave this and go work on supper. I am hoping for a super inspired finishing thought. Maybe it will happen. Maybe it won’t.

As I finish I am not super comfortable with this post. I am not really used to being so scattered and off the cuff, and maybe, like having a cleaning lady, feel a little guilty. Guilty for highlighting a bunch of passing details in a light hearted way. Life around us is serious, am I being irresponsible to turn my back on all the deep need in the world? Maybe its okay to appear to ignore the hard stuff for a bit. Maybe a day where the sun is shining and the air is still and the dogs are acting crazy and a cow named lust is calving, maybe that’s a good day to embrace that line in the 23^rd Psalm I talked about a couple days ago…“He makes me to lie down in green pastures.” We are allowed to take a break and rest and let others help us and maybe try something different, something light and fun. Maybe despite being sleep deprived we can find ourselves saying, through all the craziness, “he restores my soul.” May that be so.