Putting Words to It

On Saturday night Russell and I hosted a party to celebrate our 25th anniversary. We were so nervous and excited leading up to it but also aware that things can get overwhelming. We therefore invited only family and ranch crew to a supper and then others joined us after for a dance. There are so many stories to be told arising from how the night unfolded, I hope to do some writing about them, but in this post I am sharing the speech that I made during a brief program we had after supper. Reading it over again now it strikes me its one of the shortest speeches I have ever made. The file was named……

SPEECH FOR 25

While sitting with Jill eating breakfast in Regina I said to her, “I don’t know why I feel the need to make a speech but I do.”  Soon after it kind’ve bubbled up in me, yes I do know why I feel the need.  This is a deeply meaningful point to arrive at and I am used to speeching in the midst of life’s meaningful moments. 

This is a deeply meaningful moment to arrive at.  Why?  Perhaps because of all the moments where we wondered if we were going to make it this far.  In our case that is because of the normal reality of marriage stress and also because every day Russell walks out the door he is doing risky things.  So for all the forces that allowed us to make it this far, forces like Russell’s self-preservation instinct when facing down dangerous work moments and the thirst we both had to return to closeness when forces of anger, fear and pride were building walls between us, we are thankful.  Woven into all that is the mysterious way that God’s goodness was fuelling our days and our fight to keep us whole. 

It’s a meaningful moment because the 25 years since we said “I do” have held so much wonder.  We have been supremely, supremely blessed.  When I say that I mean that we had the opportunity to have Gina, Jill and Morgan.  Looking back at our journey with them, from the vantage point we now have, I think that Russ and I would both say that being parents to them has been among the most interesting and meaningfully fun things we have done.  They created focus and purpose to every day life, from June 25, 2002 when we met Gina until September 16^th of this year when Morgan drove away for his first adult adventure.  We have not had very many days of marriage where we were able to think about ourselves first.  Having said that, with two puppies currently in our world we are still not free, we are now negotiating who does early morning and late night walks with a puppy who will not listen and come back to the house on her own when there are cows nearby to herd.  “Where’s the leash?” is the new refrain at our house.   Russ and I ponder that our children carry a bit of a burden being our kids, we hope that through them our values and our mission to bring light into the world will carry on.

I find myself wanting to talk a little bit about what I remember when I think about the days when Russell and I were deciding to get married.  I mean that how it sounded.   Deciding is an action word, it was a process.  I was a city girl deciding if I could and should commit to living a life that was far from my roots and opportunities.  Russ had a bit of a mixed reputation and I wasn’t sure about linking my wagon to his star.  Here is what pulled me toward him though…….I enjoyed him so much.  For some reason the idea of living my life with regrets has always been something I wanted to avoid.  As I pondered the option of saying No to a marriage proposal I had an image pop up in my brain.  I could see myself on the streets in downtown Saskatoon some day after leaving Gainsborough and  Carievale.  Seeing a diesel truck pulling a horse trailer coming down the streets I pictured myself becoming fascinated by it and more than that my heart aching with hurt and regret.  That image gave me a sense of permission to marry Russell.   About Russell’s mixed reputation, over the years people have at times commented that I don’t have three children, being married to Russell I have four.   Perhaps this was meant to be funny but it always made me angry.  I think I sensed from the beginning that Russ could pair his fun loving ways, his shirking of norms for what it means to “be a man,” with his incredible ability to bear responsibility, pain, stress and work.   I have pondered, how many men can bear the weight of the world on their shoulders and remain as playful as a child.  Russell is gifted and I have been the lucky beneficiary of his many gifts.  I am a very analytical and practical person, this led me to some work as I lay in bed the morning of our wedding.  If I was going to get up and go say “I do” I wanted to be crystal clear in my head, why.  I counted on my fingers all the reasons I was planning to marry Russell, I counted 21.   I think I tell you these anecdotes because I love celebrating Russell.   We all deserve to be celebrated but its my place to celebrate Russell because I have very rarely regretted my decision to link my wagon to his star.

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Following the speech I shared a few pictures from our wedding and some big days since. I did a bit of explaining, then started a 3 song slide show. Here are the wedding pictures that came before.