Tag Archives: funerals

Courage

A few days ago I conducted a funeral. That meant looking at old files for inspiration and liturgy I might find helpful. I got re-reading a sermon contained in one of those files. I loved what it contained. There was little snippets of story, a sense of world history, and ultimately a few lessons I could use. I thought maybe a few others would like to read it and asked the families permission to share it here on the blog. Its not my best writing because it is not meant to be read but presented. That means that things like vocal speed and tone would vary at certain points to get the words across as well as possible. That doesn’t convey in the written speech. The stories are here though and I hope you enjoy hearing about Bridie and her courage as much as I did.

Here is a wee summary of the person being celebrated here. Bridie Sawyer was a resident of Carnduff who lived to the age of 101 years. She died just over a year ago. She was born in Ireland and came to Canada as a war-bride. She had two children and remained in the Carnduff area for the remainer of her days. Last week we watched one of her great grandaughters graduate from high school here in Carnduff.

Here is the sermon:

There are many remarkable stories within Bridie’s life, the one I heard that touched me greatly was her decision to marry Mervyn after very little time available to spend together, and move to Canada in the aftermath of the war.   If I had to put one word to that it would be courage.  I have wondered if perhaps she was naïve, but she was 24 when these decisions were made, having already moved from her home in Ireland at age 17 to train for and experience several years of war time nursing in Edinburgh, she had been exposed to the realities of life, so I think it is safe to say, she had courage.  Was it a bus or a train that first removed her from all that she knew?  I have a mental picture of her petite 25 year old self, eyes sparkling, bag in hand, well-dressed, alone, making that momentous first step up onto a bus or train.  What was stirring in her heart?

Hopes and dreams and love likely pushed Bridie forward up those steps, but surely none of that would have been possible without the presence of her courage.

As I thought about Bridie’s story it struck me that she acted like she knew that what she had within her was greater than the challenges she would have to face.   Having reached the age of 101, the matriarch of four generations of family who stirred love and pride in her, with a nimble mind that defied stereotypes of old age, having travelled many places, well, it would seem she was right.

What did she have within her?

One of the first things said about Bridie when we met to discuss the service was that she was “a fiery little Irishmen and she never lost it.”  What did Bridie have within her?  Genetics.  How she was made and the culture which formed her.  So words like fiery, stubborn, bossy, are sometimes used to describe her.  These qualities can sometimes rub the wrong way but they also bring with them a certain power to tackle hard things.  The genetic code in her and however her culture shaped her informed very clearly what Bridie brought to the world and to the challenges before her.

Bridie had faith.  Raised in a Catholic home and clearly maintaining that identity for most of the years of her life she was exposed to many religious teachings.  In Ireland was Bridie exposed to Scripture in a way that fuelled her courage?  Did any of these teachings come to mind as she faced challenging work in Edinburgh?   Were there words that swam in the back of her mind as she stepped onto the boat that would carry her across the ocean?

Words like these from the earliest part of the Bible….

Deuteronomy 31:8 “And the Lord, He is the one who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed.”

Or from the prophet Isaiah at Chapter 41:10

Isaiah 41:10 “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”

Psalms 27:1-3

 The Lord is my light and my salvation—
    whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life—
    of whom shall I be afraid?

2 When the wicked advance against me
    to devour[a] me,
it is my enemies and my foes
    who will stumble and fall.
3 Though an army besiege me,
    my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
    even then I will be confident.

Psalms 46:1-3 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, even though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; though its waters roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with its swelling.

Zephaniah 3:16-17 In that day it shall be said to Jerusalem: “Do not fear; Zion, let not your hands be weak. The Lord your God in your midst, the Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.”

John 14:27 “Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”

We recently had an excellent sermon offered here at the church, I benefitted from hearing our minister Susan name the fact that statements like “have faith not fear” are not helpful, kind’ve trite and just really not enough.  To combat that she offered a quick trip through key Scriptures that spanned the entirety of the Bible, it was clear that the reason we can forge ahead without fear dominating us is because of the way God is, promising to be with us, you get the feeling from hearing the span of Scripture that God is not interested in isolation and distance, but in sharing strength through being present with us humans.  Its mysterious, hard to quantify and perhaps easily dismissed, but then you hear stories like Bridie’s, where something is stirring in her heart, maybe simply the back of her mind, and it seems like what was stirring was, “go on, you can do this, I am here.”

So Bridie had genetics and faith messages stirring within her.  What else?

I am wondering about the example set by her own Mom.  I know so little of her, obviously, but there are some facts, like the ability….strength….courage to raise eight children amid what ever 1920s Ireland held, I understand it was not easy.  Then there are some stories.  As a ranch wife myself I found it stunning and hilarious to hear the story of Bridie’s visit to Ireland when her Mom was 78 years old.  When Bridie arrived at the farm her Mom was walking down the road herding cows and knitting at the same time.  Surely one of the biggest truths of that moment is confidence.  Her Mom’s confidence in her abilities in the situation.  If this was the way Anne McBride tackled life when Bridie was young she surely had an example to fill her mind as she herself approached the moments that required confidence and courage.

Our days are not easy.  Inflation, grief, climate change, conflict near and far, pandemic recovery, more grief, and in the midst of all this rapidly rising incidences of anxiety and depression.  It kind’ve feels like a balance is tipping, like what is beyond us is becoming greater than what is within us.  I wonder if Bridie’s inner space has encouragement or hope to offer us.  How did what she had within translate for us?

The good news for sure is that many of you carry much of the same genetic code that fueled Bridie!  Her feisty, undefeatable Irish spirit, sometimes known in stubbornness is, I have been told, alive and well in family gathered here.  Her action oriented get down to work way of being is available through genetics and of course her example.  What do you feel Bridie passed on to you?  If you don’t share Bridie’s genetics, her friends, what is the gift within your genetics to help you tackle what is big before you?

With regards to faith I have no idea exactly what was consciously and subconsciously working its power in Bridie’s life experiences, however, it would seem the promised presence of God was hers to know.   It is there for us too.  One thing that the work of Jesus accomplished was to make clear that no one is outside the circle of God’s care and concern.  Noone.  Any who seek the assurance and power of God’s presence in their life can ask for it.  Seek and you will find.  It may be quiet.  It may be known in humble ways.  Love and compassion are usually part of the package.  It’s a real source of guidance and grounding in the chaotic life so common today.  It can be a comfort in the midst of grief.  There is no price or qualifications required.  Do not be afraid, for I am with you.

Bridie had examples of strength in her life.  Is it possible that moving forward, as we tackle what life holds, and seek to be filled within, that Bridie herself can be an example to us, fuelling our efforts.  Just like there was a story about Anne McBride that offered us a mental picture, there is a story about Bridie.   One day Colleen came home from work to find that Bridie had been over cleaning, as she often did.  Bridie was proud of herself.  She had managed to clean underneath the pool table.  The pool table which had been meticulously placed and leveled to make it even had been shifted around to get things really clean underneath.  How did Bridie, a tiny woman not exactly young at this point, move a table both bulky and heavy?  With strategy.  By sitting with her back to the wall, and pushing on the legs of that table until she moved them as far as she needed to.  She saw the challenge, she knew her limits and her strengths, she understood some tricks and she rose to the challenge.  As we face the hurdle ahead, whether its grief or other things, we would do well to follow Bridie’s example, assess the challenge, estimate our limits, press into our strengths, put a few tricks into action, and act. 

“What she had within her was greater than the challenges she would have to face.”

I have highlighted the three obvious things within her that came to mind having heard only a part of the story of Bridie Sawyer’s life.  Of course, there is much much more.  The joy of the coming hours and days might be in reflecting on and sharing and recording your own thoughts and stories that reflect who Bridie was and what she had within her.  May that give you peace, broaden your understanding of her and yourself, and remind you of God’s presence.  Amen 

Hello Monday

Preamble: I am doing a bit of a writing experiment for this week. It means I will post some shorter blogs daily. I will perhaps tell you about the experiment itself next week.

It has been an amazing set of days. I have been stretched and I have been filled and I feel so grateful. Last Thursday the girls and I headed to Saskatoon. Later that day Russ and Morgan came up. Friday we joined my family, it was just family, for a funeral service at the Saskatoon Funeral Home, followed by burial at Woodlawn Cemetery. I am not sure why I am so specific about these locations, maybe because they are big deals in our family story. In big cities there are many funeral homes to choose from and once your family has a link to one it becomes your family funeral home. The Kyle family has alot of history at the Saskatoon Funeral Home, including the fact that my Dad used to pop in and sing solos in services at the chapel there. He used to have a joke, “people are die-ing to hear to me sing.” Well on Friday it was my turn to be at the front, I was the minister. That meant many many things. Right off the top of my head it meant being ushered by the funeral director thru a series of doors to a back room where clergy can gather their thoughts before services began. I was invited into the inner sanctum. I find those moments interesting. It is a big deal though when you walk into the family room and it is your family sitting there. I don’t know how to be cousin and pastor both in those moments but I snapped to it when it was time to start the service. For the first time ever in my experience as a funeral presider I entered the sanctuary and I had to ask the guests to take a seat. Every guest was standing around in the chapel visiting. That happens at weddings alot, where I have to get bossy and ask people to be seated, this time was a funeral first for me but a sign of good things, even in the midst of deep sadness people were happy to see each other. I led my cousins and their families into the chapel, took my place at the pulpit and looked out to a sea of familiar faces. It was a beautiful sight and felt incredibly intimate. We honored my aunt, my Mom’s sister. It was a time I was nervous about. My Aunt was an amazing but complex person, could I capture what needed to be captured? In getting ready it felt like the hardest funeral service I had ever prepared. It probably wasn’t. It just took more than usual and that makes sense. The service was just part of a much bigger day, a day absolutely shaped by family and by love. Meals were hosted by my sisters after the service, we had time to be together, so much visiting happened and story telling. My Aunt had constructed absolutely beautiful scrapbooks of her early days and as we pored over them together so many conversations were sparked. We had cousins with us from Toronto and we drew from the bonds that began 60 years ago when our Nanny gathered us in her small bungalow and we did what families did back then and now still, we ate, we played, we shared stories, we took part in traditions. Wow, how that has paid off.

So, us ranchers headed to Saskatoon in our gravel road painted vehicles. There are a few things I could say to offer at least a partial explanation about why we showed up at a funeral in quite dirty vehicles. I won’t take you to those stories, just know that while we do some things really well we do other things not so well and obviously that bothers me because here I am talking about it. There was a line in the sermon that perhaps bears repeating here.

… there is an alternate story that offers relief, that God sees our hearts, what we are holding, what we are dropping, what we have figured out, perhaps incorrectly, in order to make life work, God sees it, sees us, and loves us still, no “doing it right” required, simply an offer to walk the journey together, finding grace and compassion in the tenderlands of the heart.

My sister Jan came from Vancouver and when asked to take pictures so that my cousins would have a record of the day she rose to the challenge better than I ever could have. Those pictures were shared and allow me to offer you a glimpse of a few of the moments.

Margie’s family hosted lunch and Jan caught this picture of Russ and I lingering at the table.
This picture of some of the very tender moments at the end of the service touches me. I don’t have a record of these kinds of moments in my life.

Linda and Stu hosted us for supper, replicating a favorite menu created by my aunt. I had such a deep contentment in these hours. This is late, when the teenagers were about to head to a 10:30pm movie. Russ and Morgan had already left a few hours earlier to get back to the ranch. Jan’s husband Ray was unable to get away from work, our last elder was unable to make it from Toronto. This is therefore a partial picture but it is a special one.

Sunday morning Coffee

Good morning,

Come on in and have a seat, its been a whirlwind around here so if we sit at the table I will have to shake the crumbs off the tablecloth and if we sit at the counter there will be some clearing to be done before I can relax. But come on in. There is lots to tell you, but before I start, how are you?

Exciting news around here is that we got wifi hooked up this week. The Bayliss ranch is on the information superhighway at long last and it feels good. Russell loves not waiting for facebook comments to load, I love youtube videos loading with out lagging, I think the kids are enjoying some streaming shows. The best though………the day it was installed Gina phoned from Montreal. She was checking in and as has happened so much lately, our cell phone signal faltered and the inevitable started, “Mom, I didn’t catch that…..Mom, I can’t hear you…..Mom?” Then we clued in, we have wifi we could have a Messenger Video call!!!! It worked, we chatted while seeing each other’s faces and expressions, I worked in the kitchen the whole time, Gina got a glimpse of home and then Russ came in and he finished the call. It made me miss her more to see her face but at the same time, the seamless call was so very enjoyable and heartwarming. Thanks to all the facebook comments on my post a couple weeks ago that led to us learning that DMS would be able to serve us.

I had a really interesting week but it was hard too. I got to be a minister again, the dates and events kind’ve piled up on each other and it meant I was in get ready and then lead mode many times. It was practically a bit frazzling and emotionally there was a drain too, as always there were rewards.

I was asked to conduct the wedding of my singing partner’s sister which happened last Saturday. It occurred on the side of a lake in Manitoba and required special permission and arrangements with church and government in Manitoba. I am only licensed to preside in Saskatchewan. Official processes like that make me nervous, but you take the steps and do it. Now that its over its easy to discern some beautiful gifts of the whole experience. The church people in Manitoba were super easy to work with and did the hard stuff with government, the local church at Killarney was kind. That went smooth as silk, no need to be nervous. Working with the bride and groom was a total treat. There was so little anxiety about details it meant we were focused on the heart of the matter. As an added bonus Caley was one of those people with an over the top sense of humor and I basked in her presence, she brings out the goof in me. Humor like hers is a serious gift to experience. Russ and I were enfolded in the family there like we were their own. For a variety of reasons we have not had time with our families lately. It felt wonderful to be so welcomed, but more than that, to be enfolded. You don’t expect that when you say yes to doing a wedding. The way Bill and Caley had everything set up I didn’t just conduct a wedding but Russ and I had a summer experience. We slept in an air bnb beside the lake, we danced under the night sky, we went on a boat ride and enjoyed an amazing meal. Our hay situation was delayed due to a breakdown so the 24 hours that Russ stole away didn’t even cause any guilt. It was a lovely break.

By the time I got home I had 24 hours to prepare a funeral for a beautiful 101 year old woman. That created focus and pressure of course, but it was a heartwarming experience too. The highlight of that, besides dwelling with such a rich story as 101 years of love and kindness, was the teamwork. I love teamwork but I am terrible at initiating it. The accompanist, funeral director and UCW crew and I have alot of history. The work had a definite feel of “we like each other and together we got this.”

I had a couple of days off before the next funeral. Our minister was on her summer holiday and I had agreed to fill in for these. That one felt scary at times during the preparation. That funeral had been scheduled for a while and the planning meeting was 8 days before the service. With so much happening inbetween the vividness of what I had learned at the meeting was not top of mind like it usually is, so I procrastinated and felt dull. At times like that I can only find the courage I need through prayer. I feel that my prayers were answered, when I woke up on Thursday morning I had a sermon theme present itself and I had time to write it up. The woman we remembered on Thursday had a remarkable life. Her courage was crucial to her success. I had this phrase come to me in preparation, “its like she knew that what she had within her was greater than the challenge that was before her.” The sermon probed what was in her. It ended up being one of those sermons that I need for myself and I have found myself thinking back to the points within it for my own benefit.

The experience of being in front of others was not over. Russ and I joined Erin’s family for a second weekend in a row when Erin, Russ and I ventured to Kenton, Manitoba yesterday to sing at Erin’s cousin’s wedding. I should clarify, Erin and I sang, Russ shared his muscles and himself. Erin has an impressive amount of sound gear that Russell really hefted for us, Erin and I are both dealing with lifting limits. It has not been a good week for getting hay cut so it was another day when Russ was free to roam without guilt.

Its always fun to sing, Erin and I have a good harmony thing, but added to that was the goodness of being welcomed by strangers and getting to meet kind and interesting people and seeing Erin’s family again so soon. We discovered something at the wedding. There was the most amazing display of donuts, under a caption “Holy Matrimony”….it took me a while to get the connection between the sign and the donuts. The wedded couple apparently love donuts and puns. Well. People. The donuts were to die for and were made in Souris, Manitoba. Russell and I are considering a roadtrip there today just to buy some. Wait, Russ is in the hayfield again now and its Sunday, but seriously, I have never in my life eaten an apple fritter like I was gifted with last night. Just this week I learned that a friend from my Up With People cast has lived in Brandon for years and I didn’t know it. Now I find out about these donuts in Souris. I will be in Brandon, via Souris, before long, count on it!

Well, my goodness, this is long enough it seems. However, a quick check in about the ranch. Its a pretty darn good summer here so far. The only serious stress we have been reckoning with is equipment breakdown. That is hard for a variety of reasons. We are pleased with our yield, and more than that feel grateful beyond measure for the rebound we are seeing from last year. Jill and I have been making some miles as we have each driven to Redvers and Oxbow for parts several times this week. Jill has also been in charge of tending to a wound on a horse, a daily flushing treatment is her job, as well as checking the last of the calving cows, we have just one left, when William calves we are done! Morgan is not getting much of a break, he is hard at it raking hay and training horses. He is doing well. Gina is part way through her intermediate level certification in stage combat in Montreal. She is doing well.

One of the parts trips I made this week I asked Grandma Shirley if she wanted to hop in. Off to Redvers we went and got a visit in and a look at the crops. It was fun. Grandma Shirley is incredibly special to me, I was therefore excited to see her making her way to the funeral on Monday. I parked, hopped out and hurried to catch up with her. I was so moved by the sight of her being her that I grabbed this picture. I showed it to her a few days later and just called her to ask her permission to use it here. I don’t think she really gets the idea of a blog but did agree to me sharing it. The picture is a good conclusion to the blog and its threads of upholding older women, celebrating life and love and being embraced by family, even when they aren’t your own. Grandma Shirley adopted us and we her and we are thankful.