Author Archives: kathyseeking

I grew up in the city, had some adventures and education and through some pretty cool turns of events ended up on a ranch near a small town with my husband, three children and many animals. I am a minister by training but currently my life revolves around our ranch and the people here. I feel comfortable talking about my inner world, my observations about the world, and what I find meaningful. I am not so comfortable revealing how the details of life get out of hand. For example, I ponder "How does my kitchen get this messy?" and "Can I post this picture where I look like this?" I have areas where I do image management but my goal with my blog is to be as real as possible, with the hope that it connects to others and maybe we can all feel less alone in our struggles and challenges and our everyday joys.

Hello again,

Sorry I have been away from the blog for several weeks. In a time when alot of interesting things have been happening on the ranch I have struggled for the time but moreso the will to put words to paper.

There is a concept called “writers block”, I find myself saying I have that. In my case it is not so much being stumped as feeling cautious and confused.

I have a situation hanging over my head that feels like a cloud when I spend any time thinking about it. I got an email a month or so ago from a media company in England. The email contained a screenshot from an old post on my blog. The screenshot included a picture that I had downloaded off the internet and used in my post. I was told that I had used this image without a license and I must buy one. The license fee for this company’s work is 670 pounds, about $1150 Canadian. I thought it was a scam. I did a little research to ease my mind. It was not a scam.

My side of the story is that a couple of years ago I did a blog post about identity. In that post I included a story about a time when a stranger hustled up to me at the banana counter at the Safeway on Cumberland Ave. She rather breathlessly said, “you must be Nancy Kerrigan’s sister!” She was very reluctant to believe I was not. It was funny to experience, fun to remember and formed a small part of the overall story in the blog I wrote. In 1994, when I met with this strangers insistence, Nancy Kerrigan was a figure skater competing in the Winter Olympics. There were many pictures of Nancy at the Olympics on the internet, I chose one owned by this company. When I downloaded the image I didn’t know to pay attention to sourcing. At my age I should have, but I didn’t. I suspect that at a subconscious level I could not imagine that a 30 year old picture of an event most people had almost forgot about was of current licensing concern. I was wrong.

I replied to the email with an apology and assurance that I had learned my lesson. I told them I had removed the photo in question from the blog and that I blog for pleasure and I do not make a penny from this writing. I informed them that there had been 135 views of the post. (Now, about that, clearly I am not an internet sensation, but from my point of view, as a preacher in a small town this vastly outnumbers the number of people I get to speak to on a working Sunday. Blogging feels rewarding!) This means that if I pay the fine I have a cost of about $8 per view. That is ridiculous. I asked the company to drop the case. Their response was that surely I could understand that they had steep costs relating to their documenting work and they could not just drop the case. They have sent further emails to remind me of the fine. I have been ignoring them. I have checked with attorneys in my circle and also my banker. None of them had clear guidance as international law is not any of their specialties. I am trying to figure out what to do next. As I mull all this over I get testy and I feel cornered. The snarky side of my brain thinks they have a pretty pitiful business model if they have to rely on cases like this to pay their bills. I try to snap out of that snarkiness and just handle this, one step at a time, but the pressing issues relating to calving and ministry are right in front of me and feel real, while this license situation feels like it comes from a different world altogether.

So I feel cautious. Perhaps in the back of my mind I wonder, “when am I going to make the next mistake, without even knowing it?” Better to just not say anything.

Besides that I am trying to sort out for myself something about my own mission for this blog. I have been sidetracked by feedback that some posts are not exciting enough. I have been swayed by other influencers who care alot about statistics for views and followers. I catch myself thinking about how to do this to attract as many readers as possible. All of that messes with me, because of how I am wired. A small story…..When I was in university I took singing lessons. My teacher was a professional opera singer. She said to me, “Kathy, if you want to, you could make a living at this.” I knew right away, I didn’t have it in me. Despite my terrible memory I remember that moment of conversation very clearly, it was a defining moment for me. Its when I fessed up to myself that I am not a very competitive person and I don’t want to jump into the dog eat dog world of marketing myself. I am what I am, take it or leave it. I have been thinking lately that if I am going to have what it takes to keep writing here, and to keep writing our book, I am going to have to give myself permission to write for me and not worry about how it lands. This feels very liberating. It feels like taking back a little space for myself, something I really value.

A few things are swirling within but somehow it does feel like clarity is coming. It helps me to share with blog readers the background story of these days. I like getting the chance to explain myself so thanks for reading this far.

I am sitting here thinking that this blog needs a picture. I love working with pictures. Here are a few recent pictures that mean alot to me and give a glimpse of much bigger stories.

Jill recently made a trip to visit Gina in Toronto. It thrills Russell and I to see things unfolding for Jill and to see Gina and Jill enjoying each other alot.

I have done alot more riding lately, not alot, but alot more than I used to. This day I rode about 13 miles. It really feels like a blessing to start to feel at peace in the saddle. This is new ground for me.

Our friend Anja was here for five weeks from Switzerland. She helped with calving and we had much bonding time, she and I. She really has become part of our family. We took this selfie at the airport on Saturday morning. I looked at it and said, “oh I look old.” Anja said, “we look as we are.” I find myself thinking about that. Sometimes our language differences really caused things to get simplified to their essence.

This is Mayo. While home last month Gina rescued this barn cat from a fight with a dog then nursed him back to health. We then hosted him while he recovered from a little surgery. Anja and I took him to Regina on Friday where he now resides with Jill. They are doing wonderfully. A children’s book could be written about his adventures. He is an awesome and unique cat and I miss him.

K World – Part 2 of “Road to the Horse.”

This is the next part of the story I wrote in the airport a few weeks ago. Re-reading it I realized I don’t usually get to use my favorite letter so many times in one bit of writing. So here we are…..Kathy Kyle and her kiddo in Kentucky, fighting a Keurig and photographing Ken at the Kentucky Horse Park. The last half of the blog is an update on the current scene at the Bar MW Ranch.

Our travels went smoothly, we spent enough time in Calgary to get through US customs with no stress and then off to Atlanta where we had a few hours. Late in the evening we landed in Lexington, Kentucky home of the Kentucky Horse Park. We left the baggage claim with both our suitcases (always a relief) and headed out into the warm but crisp Kentucky night air.

As we waited for our Lyft ride I took delight in seeing the tulips around us.

When we arrived at our Air Bnb just north of Lexington in the old and vibrant city of Georgetown we were feeling many things, lots of relief being top of the list, we had made it through the many steps that this day required and we were still upright and walking. We found ourselves in a really cool Air Bnb, a historic hotel had been renewed into a 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom space with high ceilings, dark beautiful wood floors and a totally modern kitchen. We were poised for some good rest.

We found 2 beer in the fridge, with an amusing name on the cans. We very much appreciated a cold drink at the end of our long day.

The next morning had us figuring out how to work the Keurig for our am coffee, it was not straightforward. We learned that the traffic plan for the Kentucky Horse Park didn’t match the reality of a multitude of cars heading in at the same time, but the congestion we landed in on wasn’t nearly as bad as it could be our driver told us. We also learned how best to access the seats at the Alltech Arena so that we stepped over as few people as possible. This would be home for the next four days.

We were there a bit early and had a chance to start wandering through the booths. This is when a very cool set of moments happened. Earlier as Russell was hyping us up for this trip he said, “you gotta talk to Ken McNabb and ask him if he remembers getting bucked off a horse in 1996?” Ever the practical person I flipped back to him, “Russell that was almost 30 years ago, as if he is going to remember that!” Ever the hopeful person Russ informed me that it was the first time Ken had been bucked off in ten years, he might just remember it. I never imagined that the featured horse trainers would be mingling with the crowd but as we made our way around the arena there was Ken, at a booth his training business had set up, Morg insisted we stop and speak to Ken as Russ had asked us to. I shrunk back like a wallflower, feeling a bit foolish for bugging this man. Morgan handled it beautifully, “Hello, my name is Morgan Bayliss, I was sent here with a question, do you remember getting bucked off a horse at a clinic in Shiloh, Manitoba in 1996?” A split second passed, Ken replied, “Yes, Yes I do” and he went on to tell his version of the story. It turned out he was part of two tricky situations that weekend and he was bucked off twice. Russ had told us about that 2nd situation as well as the buck off that was thanks to his horse. Ken described his experience exactly as Russell had told us. It was pretty awesome. Morgan was happy to tell this mentor of Russell’s that the man who brought that horse to the 1996 clinic was his Dad and it was real nice to get the chance to meet Ken. It seemed to make Ken happy to have the chance to tell the two stories again and I got a definite sense that I could quit feeling bashful and take a picture.

Morgan looked at Ken through the telling of the story but glanced at me for the picture.

We headed on, we came across another booth of interest to Morgan, a social media presence, a fairly famous cowboy named “Booger Brown” had a booth and there was Booger himself. Morgan said, “hey I want to talk to this guy.” For pities sake, this kid was not bashful. We doubled back to him and Morg didn’t bug him, just introduced himself, told him he liked watching his show and I grabbed a picture. It made for an exciting start to our day.

Now….back to the present

Its Monday April 15th and calving season is definitely picking up steam. The biggest development is that we have had a change in staffing. I dropped Gina off at the Regina airport on Saturday at noon.

The last glimpse picture, up she goes to security. A non stop flight to Toronto awaited her.

We had really enjoyed her visit. So quickly we get used to how things used to be. For example I found myself worrying about the amount of noise in the house this morning, I didn’t want to wake up Gina. I had to think through who was actually in the house. I realized again that Gina was not here and everyone was already up. That everyone included Anja whom Jill and I picked up at the Regina airport later on Saturday. Anja is our friend from Switzerland who loves the life of a Canadian rancher and spends much of her vacation with us. It was a joy to see her again.

Anja back in the saddle within moments of getting to the ranch.

Anja took this picture of Pat, Jenn, Russ and I when I dropped her off at the pasture.

Anja had an angel at her side. This man was her seat mate into Toronto. He too was heading to Regina. There was enough time to change planes but not enough to get lost and still make it. Anja is challenged with English and she had to change terminals. This man deftly guided her where they needed to be. She was so very grateful.

Other friends, new and old are joining us in bits and pieces too. Carnduff had visiting theatre teachers from the Missoula Children’s Theatre company last week. Our friend Carol hosted them and brought them out Saturday to show them the ranching life. They liked it and checked cows with Russ and Morgan, on horseback, three times in the next 18 hours! I never got to meet them but I admire their spirit of adventure!

Jenn and Patrick were here helping Russ and Morgan while I was in Regina. Steve camped in the yard last night and is on the calving crew this morning. Kayla arrived at Grandma Shirley’s yesterday and joined the crew this morning. Each person brings their own charm. I am anticipating that lunch time will be very interesting today.

On the calving front……things are going fairly well. We had a pair of twins arriving backward on Friday night. Russ needed Dr. Marcel’s help and he got it. The calves are doing well and Russ was able to successfully adopt one onto the cow that lost her premature calf earlier in the week. The guys worked very hard while I was gone and then cooked for themselves, except that Jenn and Patrick sent out an incredible meal for them. I was so happy to hear that. The men here multi-task extremely well, calving, cooking as neccesary and hosting visitors. The love sure flows back to them too. I found a hundred dollars in the fridge this morning, with some handwriting I recognize! (Thank you!) Steve was up early and walked through the calving heifers this morning. He discovered two births had happened over night. Stevey Nicks and John Denver both calved this morning. Yesterday it was Joan Jett and Pat Benatar.

Saturday morning Taylor Swift had her calf. We are really enjoying the name theme for this years heifers. In the main herd Dr. Seuss calved, thats her second calf. It seems this cow is as fanciful as her namesake. She seems flighty, leaving her calf behind, maybe appearing to forget she had it. Enchant is often seen to have twins, because she is stepping in and looking out for Dr. Seuss’s baby. If you know Dr. Seuss’s story of Horton the Elephant it is a bit like that. Enchant is like Horton guarding that egg. Dr. Seuss the cow is like Maysie………..off having adventures, forgetting she is mothering. Anyways……….things are rolling here and we will see what today brings.

A few more pictures….I know some worry about my self care. I created some options in these last days. Gina and I left the ranch a day before we needed to, we picked up Jill in Regina and went all the way to Saskatoon where we visited family and friends before whizzing back to Regina on Saturday to get Jill to work and Gina on her plane. These moments mean alot to me.

These are the moments. Gina had not seen her Auntie Margie in a very long time.

We could have visited more in Regina while waiting for Anja’s flight but Jill and I are both introvert leaning people. When she was done work we went to a movie. It was great. Jill asked for a bathroom selfie after the movie. We look pretty good for 11pm at night!

Happy Monday!

Plans that Percolated

This first chunk of writing was done a couple weeks ago sitting in an airport.

About eight months ago there was some talk at our place about an ideal situation. This got started because both Morgan and our cousin Laurie have been fans of a televised competition called “Road to the Horse.” Russ said, “I would gladly pay the expenses for those two to drive to Kentucky and take that in.” I agreed with him but truth be told it seemed like something stirring among the men and I pretty much stayed out of it. Talk got a little more serious and it became clear that it would not be possible for Laurie to get away. Russ could not leave that close to calving season. Would Morgan just have to miss out on it? That most certainly would not be the end of the world. We don’t have to attend everything that interests us, in fact, of course, we can’t. However there were two details that kept us coming back to how to make this work. The first is that Morgan loves horse training.

A recent photo of Morgan working on one of four horses he is currently training.

This event was a chance to witness seasoned trainers apply their methods to never touched two year old horses. We felt this was not entertainment as much as an educational opportunity. We have spent precious little money on Morgan’s extra curricular interests thru the years. It felt like a good use of our resources to see if we could get him there. The second detail that really pulled at Russell’s heart strings is that 28 years ago he attended a horse training clinic led by a young trainer named Ken McNabb. That man was set to be one of the competitors at this years event. Russell so wanted Morgan to get to meet him and learn from him. So my little ‘ol brain started percolating.

What would it cost for Morgan and I to drive there and how much time would it take? We are not far from Minot, what would a flight from there cost? Those two inquiries led to figures I was not happy with, in terms of time and dollars. I tried one more thing. I checked out the Westjet site and found extremely reasonable ticket prices. I called Russ saying, “hey, can you believe this?” He said, “book it!” So it was that Morgan and I became official travel partners. I figured we would rent a car, I would drive Morgan to the facility and then return to our lodging where I would have four days to keep working on this book of ours. This screenshot of texts with Russ records the big moments.

When it came time to book tickets to the event, which I put off until January, 🫣 I checked with fear in my heart, we had plane tickets but no event tickets. I learned there were lots of good choices left. 🥵🤠 When I asked Morgan about where he wanted to sit he informed me that he really wanted me to attend with him. Huh. What was I to do? I am not that big into horses, and watching horses being trained sounded like something I could miss. On the other hand, how often does your teen say to you, “come with me Mom.” So, I agreed to attend and figured I would bring my laptop and try not to look too weird as I typed and others watched the events.

The days flew as they do and all of a sudden our trip was only days away. I was feeling pretty mixed about it. Russ and I have been away much more than usual as we went to his Farmers for Climate Solutions meetings three different times in recent months. I was not really excited about packing up and heading out one more time, especially to a very unfamiliar place. As much as I have travelled in the U.S. I had never been to Kentucky or Georgia. A Westjet schedule change after our tickets were purchased meant that we were to have an 8 hour layover in Atlanta. Was I up for this? I had to be. Last Tuesday after school Morgan and I headed to Regina in order to be there when our flight departed Wednesday morning at 5:30. We settled into seats I had spent a little extra money on to get extra leg room. With an open seat in our row we took off, feeling pretty darn comfortable, but moreso, blessed. Good-bye Saskatchewan! What started eight months earlier as some percolating ideas and hopes was now our reality, as real as the cups of coffee we held in the airport waiting lounge.

That is the end of chapter one of this story. There are several more chapters.

Today’s reality….

Calving has really started around here….

Yesterday morning the first heifer calved. It was Alanis Morisette, this morning Russ has reported that Rod Stewart calved. The crew found Bells and Dr. Seuss had calved on their last check last night. Unfortunately Apples delivered a stillborn preemie too. Morgan, Gina and Russ have just headed out to saddle up for the first check of the morning. Morgan will be at school in two hours, on time.

Russ needed to bring our biscuit heifers and grassers home yesterday. He somehow got me on a horse and I, Kathy Kyle, the usual cook and coffee lady, trailed cows for the first time in my whole life. It was a beautiful evening and I have to admit it was fun. Morgan let me ride his faithful pal “Warhorse”and it felt pretty easy. Russ was pretty excited and took lots of videos. Here is one. It has beautiful scenery.

As Russ is fond of declaring loudly, “we’re calving now!”

For the foreseeable future this ranch crew is staying home and travelers are coming to us!

Still Here!

Friday morning: April 5th – With my coffee beside me I am geared up to check in. I have hardly blogged this winter. I have thought about it a lot of times but time has felt hard to come by. I am hoping to do better. The fact is, it feels like I have hardly been home and a side truth of that is that I am counting my blessings.

Any day now our first calves will start coming. The first shift of our visiting calving crew have already arrived. My daughter Gina is here for another week, when I take her to the airport I am picking up Anja our friend from Switzerland, when I take her back to the airport in mid May I am picking up our friends from Nova Scotia who are coming for almost two weeks. We have friends and family to share this whole season of ranching with. I will be cooking a lot, I am looking forward to being home and focused.

Russ took this picture of Gina heading in for supper after the last check of the cows.

What shaped the first quarter of 2024 was travel. Russell volunteered to serve on a forum organized by “Farmers for Climate Solutions.” That had me joining him on three different workshop trips, he had meetings in all three prairie provinces. I will say more about this in another blog. Travelling with Russ was fun but more than that it allowed me some experiences I would never have had otherwise. The best part is we met some really nice people.

Last summer I let my mind wander into the territory of my hopes and longings for my life. I wrote it down. I want to travel was one thing that emerged clearly. I guess a person has to be careful what they wish for because for a while recently it seemed I was never home.

A quick summary of the last three weeks will give me a jumping off point for future blogs and if I never get back to them you will know that I am resting!

On Tuesday March 12th Russ and I headed west. We carpooled with a kindred spirit from the workshops Russ was attending. We had a very fun roadtrip that found us safely in Kananaskis by nightfall.

Saturday March 16th had us heading home, we had the chance to give a friend from Calgary a ride to Regina, which meant our car was full and our trip home felt like a party at times.

Before heading off again I had two days at home with some church leadership and two important meetings.

Morgan and I left Carnduff late on Tuesday the 19th in order to be on a plane out of Regina early the next morning. After a long travel day Wednesday we found ourselves walking into the night air outside the airport in Lexington, Kentucky.

4:10am – checked in and coffee in hand at the Regina Airport.

At 10:05pm Lexington time we were off the plane and saw this sign. It felt welcoming and a good photo op.

As we waited for our Uber our first moments in Lexington allowed us to savor the sight of pots of established tulips. Lovely!

Morgan and I spent the next four days attending an event at the Kentucky Horse Park called “Road to the Horse.” It was an awesome experience.

When the event was over we had to get home so were on a plane out of Lexington early on the 25th. I had booked a decent flight schedule but it got changed after booking and it turned out we had an eight hour layover in Atlanta. Morgan and I found our way out of the Atlanta airport, got in an Uber and headed to the Martin Luther King Centre. This was a major experience for me. To be explored more in a future blog.

We landed back in Regina at 1:15am on the Tuesday. I had a hotel booked and we crashed for about six hours before Morgan headed back to Carnduff on his own. Russ came to Regina by mid afternoon, we met one of our oldest friends for supper and then attended the musical that Jill was in “The Prom.” It was a great show. The next day we spent time with Jill and did a bit of shopping. We were home in time for a later supper with Morgan.

Some sad developments at home meant that my schedule filled up quickly for the first six days back. Good Friday, Easter Sunday, three funerals and a board meeting for the music festival meant there was no down time. Towards the end of all that Gina flew into Regina and Jill drove her to the ranch. We had some family time. Jill went home last night. I am struggling with extreme weariness but I have so many things to think about.

Our first family supper in a very long while.

I have a personal standard for myself that a blog has to be interesting from a human or ranch perspective and/or funny. A recitation of what I have been up to is not interesting in my mind. Its just a list until the meaning of it can be unpacked. I really hope to poke at the pieces of whats here and share a few stories in the weeks ahead.

In the meantime, writing a full five days later now, I have this to say. Wow, am I tired. The demands of travel and leadership, but moreso I think just being out of routine has me feeling really disoriented and wow can I nap!

Our first calf arrived a couple days ago and there hasn’t been anything else since. Once things start I have the feeling we will be having lots of birth announcements. The first cow to calve this year was “Butter” and her calf was born on the day of the eclipse, so we named it Eclipse.

Here is a quote that fell out of my funeral notes as I put them away today, it ties up alot of what my recent days were all about.

Anne Lamott said: “Easter says that love is more powerful than death, bigger than the dark, bigger than cancer and bigger even then airport security lines.”

See you soon!

Waskesui

I am sitting in the dining room at Hawood Inn in Waskesui.

I came here with Russ. He has been in meetings for two days at Elkridge Resort, they are discussing climate solutions for ranching and farming. I am working on the book we are creating about ranching. I am done the bulk of the writing and now need to work to select and place the best pictures. I came to the Waskesui townsite because we are now checked out of our room and I wanted to come back here to reminisce. Almost 15 years ago I traveled here with three little kids to meet my extended family for a reunion. I hold so much love for those people in my heart. It is comforting and a bit sad to be back here without them, our elders are passing and much has changed. Waskesui remains beautiful and on this sunny but cold winter day it is quiet and rather soul stirring.

Perhaps that is the reason that as I perused our most recent photo shoot from Liz, looking for the pictures that fit best with what I am saying, the picture below stopped me in my tracks.

I am pondering a point I made in my writing. I have a section in the book to explore whats it like to be me, a ranch wife. One of the realities is that this ranch life has created quite a distance between me and the people and spaces of my original hometown, Saskatoon. In the book I readily point out that Russ has acted to lessen the hardness of that. How has he done it? This picture stopped me. The tall guy wearing the slicker, looking like a pretty seasoned cowboy is in fact a grade 8 teacher in Saskatoon. He is my cousins husband. After almost 30 years of knowing Jimmy I just think of him as my cousin. Russ has always been so welcoming of my family and has weathered the challenges of having rookies on the trail, to give them an experience and help them feel welcome at our place. I sometimes take that for granted because it has always been the case, but its really awesome to feel that any of our people can come, and they do.

The other thing about this picture that just about takes my breath away is the two layers of action in it that Gina and Morgan are responsible for. Gina, our oldest daughter, visiting from Toronto at the time of this picture, is helping Jimmy to get tacked up for the ride ahead. The smile you can glimpse tells me how comfortable she is, happy to have Jimmy there and so willing to prep horses for others. Morgan several feet behind her is almost ear to ear with his horse Padre and so very capably bridling him. The last time I was in Waskesui I was attempting to parent two year old Morgan, five year old Jill, and 7 year old Gina. They were terribly cute and endearing, but I had to leave Russ at home haying and I am terrible about asking for help. So I remember the juggling of being here in Waskesui and doing what it took to keep us all on track while soaking up the reunion time as much as possible. Now here I sit, sipping coffee, Morgan is holding down our work at home, and his own, Gina is living a big life, on her own merit, in Toronto and Jill just sent me the goofiest video from her responsibilities at Starbucks in Regina. She is deep into rehearsals for the current musical she is in. I feel like I am bragging to put all this into print, but maybe its okay to say what a friggin relief it is to see your kids get to this point. Maybe its okay to say that raising kids is so incredibly frazzling but in the most rewarding and endearing way I have known. Maybe its okay to confess that seeing your kids being capable and helping others is a source of deep pride. Maybe a stew of all that is what was swirling when I stopped on that candid picture. It was a second in time, it looked like just another cowboy moment but I guess for me, sitting on the shores of Waskesui lake, it marks a milestone in parenting.

There are a couple more pictures that help round out the points.

This picture is one of my favorites because right in the center of it is one of my favorite dogs ever, looking directly at Liz’s camera. For the purposes of the blog this image illustrates something, my niece Brodie and her friend Clare are in this picture. They are darn good help. Brodie started riding many years ago as a visitor at the ranch and we have enjoyed having Clare for two seasons of cow chasing now. Russ is really good at giving people a chance to learn.

Here is Jimmy, now safely seated in his saddle, he is with our new friend Steve. The slicker he is wearing was bought in June, embroidered with our brand by Lynn, it is Russell’s but Jimmy did it justice for its first appearance on the Bar MW trail. He looks so natural. I like imagining what the students in his city classroom would think to see their teacher as a working cowboy.

The day captured by Liz in these pictures was a very good day. My kids were all home and all on a horse and some of my Saskatoon people were near. With the help of my local friend Sandy I was able to get this large crew fed. The picture was pretty complete.

Threads

This blog was begun a few weeks ago when the weather was outrageously cold.

I have been enjoying pondering a challenge I set for myself this past week. I had three things I found myself wanting to talk about on the blog, none of them taking up a lot of words but all just on my mind. The challenge I pondered was “is there anything that connects these three things?” Can I talk about all three in the midst of one blog and have it all make sense? I am going to try.

The first thing I want to share is one of the gifts that Jill gave me this Christmas. Jill seems to really enjoy the shopping process and she is thoughtful about what she knows about people. She knows that I love sunflowers. In her looking around she found an Etsy artist who makes baskets of sunflowers using a crochet pattern. She purchased it for me. I love everything about this gift.

It is cute. It is pretty. It is so well done and it reflects what Jill knows about her Mama. The reason I love sunflowers is that I feel like we have a connection. They are tall growing plants. In one of my earliest years here in the south I was driving past a field of sunflowers and I noticed that occasionally one pops up high about the others. When I saw this I laughed out loud. That looked like so many pictures of me among my peers…..a line of people, and then there’s Kathy, head and shoulders taller than others. I love sunflowers because I relate to them I think. Jill intended for me to hang this from the mirror in my car but I feel like I will appreciate it more in the house. So that is where it is.

Another thing I wanted to tell readers about is that Russ and I got a new duvet set for Christmas. It was in my Amazon cart for several months. We have lots of blankets so I felt a little decadent wanting it but we have recently started using a down quilt inside a duvet (a quilt bag) for bedding, we needed a second duvet cover. Russ and I love color, that was the main thing that drew me to this set, its why I put it in my cart and finally ordered it. I wrapped it up and it went under the tree, the tag said, “To Kathy and Russ, Love from Bingo.” Bingo is the dog that will protect Russ from all threats, seen and unseen. What I forgot when I ordered it was that the set also contained a bottom sheet. I ordered extra pillow cases. The end result is the least restful bedroom scene you might ever see. It is an almost nauseating amount of color, but honestly, we just love it.

What we learned after it was washed and put on the bed is that this is the softest bedding I have ever had. It is astonishing how comforting this comforter is. What I really wanted to say when I started out on this little story is a word of warning to anyone who might be thinking about purchasing a duvet or quilt pattern such as this. Be prepared to lose the remote control, your phone or your eyeglasses, multiple times a day. Everything blends into the craziness of it and it does induce a small panic, especially when your glasses are lost and therefore you can’t see anything and because of the pattern you can’t see anything! Russ and I are mighty grateful to Bingo for her generosity and we are thankful for the comfort and warmth we have had from that gift, especially in the last week.

It is now February 9th and I am trying to make progress on this.

The third thing that I was pondering heavily as this blog got started was the fact that we had a barn cat living in our basement bathroom. It had been discovered injured when the weather was so very threatening, it had no movement in its lower half. Our best guess is that it was stepped on by a calf that could have weighed as much as 700 pounds. Besides apparent paralysis it was weak and had a frostbitten ear when the decision was made to bring it in for warmth, assessment, and food. That decision was made on the condition that I was heard, and I was, I wanted it known that I was not having anything to do with that cat.

That was a few weeks ago now. The reason I limited my involvement right from the start was, I think, that I couldn’t handle the suffering, pitifulness and hopelessness of the situation. There was something in me that was so very weary and still not healed after the fires, weather challenges, deaths, chaos and injuries that shaped 2020 and the couple years afterwards. I didn’t think I had it in me.

That is not how it all ended up unfolding. I began to check on the cat when asked to, I took it food once or twice in the early days, it wasn’t that hard or emotionally taxing and the practical side of me kicked in. I did the laundry created by the situation, thats my strength in all times of chaos. The thinking in those days arose from what Russ was told by a vet he knew when he was younger, that vet said, “if a cats bones are all in the same room, they will knit back together.” We were subscribing to the mystery and resilience captured in Phil’s phrase and giving that cat six weeks to show it was healing. About four days in I was listening to a podcast while doing laundry, the speaker presented evidence on the power of touch. Its a big deal. Suddenly, I couldn’t stand that this cat was isolated in a room with no windows and getting only basic care. Morgan and Russ were watching TV and I went upstairs and said to them, “guys, if I brought the cat up, would one of you pet it?” Russ jumped to the opportunity. I brought the cat up with his waterproof bed pad, settled him in with the guys and went back to what I was working on. This set the pattern for all the days since. The cat never returned to the basement bathroom but took residence in the upstairs guest bathroom. This is not the first time we harbored an ailing animal in there. We hosted an injured rabbit in that bathroom a few years ago. Russell imagined that rabbit was likely the spouse to “Jack” rabbit, and so he called it “Diane.” If you know the John Cougar Mellencamp song “Jack and Diane,” you know Russell’s starting point for the naming. We got a bit weird. After Diane passed we started to call that bathroom the “Diane Mellencamp Memorial Bathroom.” And it got zanier yet, I made a door plaque on Shutterfly that made the name official, it hangs there, a nod to our tender days with Diane, Jack rabbits spouse. Anyways…. anytime the guys were watching TV they would include Rumble. Soon physiotherapy began, Russ was working at keeping joints moving and stimulating nerve activity. Jill was home recently and joined in the work.

For my part I took over most of the food delivery, and also stimulation. I set up stations in front of three different windows where the cat could sit and observe the outdoors. Rumble got stronger and the physiotherapists in the family were certain they were seeing some improvement. Then, earlier this week, Rumble stopped eating and drinking. Thursday he had some seizures and by later in the afternoon he passed away, Russ was there. It was very sad but it was also a relief, all the unknowns that had hung in the air for a few weeks were now knowns.

Our experience has left us with things to ponder.

We all were relieved and touched by the fact that despite all the mean noise and action that the dogs direct at each other and Buster, our resident house cat, not a single animal in our house ever made a threatening noise or action towards the cat. Its like they could see he was vulnerable, he was sniffed at times, he was curiously looked at, but there never seemed to be jealousy or resentment for the attention or more luscious food he was getting. Their “maturity” and insight really amazed me and touched me.

Rumble and Coffee dog, peacefully co-existing.

We never really experienced the cat being happy. It took to Russell quickly and would occasionally purr with him, but around me he never gave a warm fuzzy. I found myself wondering if he recognized Russ from all the time he spends in the barn, maybe he already had a trust in him.

I put myself in that cats shoes. He had quite a story. He began his life as a growing cat amongst many at our friends’ place. A couple years ago, on a day when they were coming over with a trailer of horses he got in the trailer at some point before they headed over. Russell witnessed him launching out of that trailer at 70 mph when the door was opened. He was quite wild and could not be caught for a return trip so we kept him. A couple weeks later, when Gina was home, the cat was at the house looking for food and upsetting Buster. Gina lured him to herself with bacon, brought him in and petted him, and then showed him the barn and the location of the cat food dish. That day she named him “Rumble.” Besides those minutes of contact Rumble had lived his whole life looking out for himself, always alert in order to protect his survival. He would have worked to stay far from coyotes and other threatening forces in the wild while doing his mouse hunting. Then came his encounter with a calf, in -40 weather. With the paralysis of his back legs he was absolutely vulnerable. Once he was brought into the house he was thrust into a world he had almost no knowledge of, he didn’t know if he was safe. When left to drag himself around, for a little exercise and experience of autonomy he would quite quickly drag himself back to his bathroom, it was his safe zone. I couldn’t be upset that he never gave me the message that I was one of his safe people. He didn’t have it in him, yet.

I am an analytical person, in our days with Rumble cat I see many parallels to human experience and especially to what it means to have the love of God shaping our days. When that cat moved into our house we had the chance to give it safety and love, we had the chance to transform its experience of the world. Although it was suffering it had compassion and love. This speaks very clearly to me of how I have known God in my life. I am so very blessed to know a life shaped more by love and compassion than by the “survival of the fittest” reality. I believe it is the power of God that has carved out every space and moment where love and compassion rule the day. It means alot to me that despite the initial hesitation I had in being involved in this cat’s days, we had the chance to use our energy to comfort and bring the reality of love to it. It reinforces my sense of self as one of God’s people when I remember how I ended up being a comforter.

When I look at this picture I see fear in Rumble’s eyes but also a sense of his courage.

One of Rumble’s perches when he needed to remember who he is.

Hanging near me as I did some messaging.

While I worked on getting some mail ready, Buster, Rumble and Russ did some TV and cuddle time.

I began this blog with a personal challenge to myself to tie the sunflower, quilt bag gift and cat stories together. The things that unfolded with Rumble made a common thread pretty clear to me.

Being spiritually and physically comforted in the cold of night, (both literal and symbolic) is so important.

God has knit us together to be comforters.

We help weave God’s story and carve space for love and compassion when we find our way clear to be those who extend comfort to others.

May it be so.

Vitamin T

I woke up this morning to find Russ sitting on the edge of the bed, fully dressed, watching TV. It was still dark. He brought me a coffee. I could read the signs. This guy was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. All he really said about it was, “its hard to sleep when the wind is howling.” I agree, I think it takes some strategies. One of mine is logic. I relaxed a bit when after our coffee I looked at my phone and realized that despite the horrific howling wind the wind chill was still above -50. I had thought it might be close to -60. I scanned my brain for all previous experiences where our cows suffer due to weather. I knew that they would be okay. They have lived this -46 before and when out of the wind its only -29 and that is totally in their skill set to live within. Logic.

A little later I told Russ, “I want to put up a blog today that just has something fun and encouraging in it, amid these conditions, but I can’t think of anything.” A little later a few things rumbled to the surface. A few things from yesterday that I am thankful for. There are lots of words that start with T that reflect things that are good for us and our relationships, like time, treats, touch, travel and teamwork, I have been known to call these Vitamin T. Today I am adding the word thankfulness to that.

I am thankful that yesterday morning when Morgan left for work and found that the truck he had plugged in wouldn’t start he had what seemed like a miracle happen. On his way back to the house he stopped at my Bronco and tried it. It started. It wasn’t plugged in and it was parked outside. He popped back in the house and asked for permission to take it. I said “yes, on one condition, you stop at Grandma Shirley’s and pick up the cake she made us.” ”I will on the way home,” Morgan replied. That was good to have clarified as it was only 7:15am or so. Morgan got to work and later returned with a carrot cake with cream cheese icing, Shirley had made it for Russ and I to celebrate our anniversary. Lots to be thankful for there.

Russ called in the late morning and asked if lunch would be thrown off if he and Ron just kept working til they were done chores and then came in for lunch, all done what they absolutely had to do. This meant a late lunch that coincided with Morgan’s return from work and time in the afternoon to relax together. Our TV is not in our living room. Its in our bedroom. We have a king sized bed, in the olden days with some strategy is was possible for all five of us and a couple pets to fit on it, it easily holds three three of us now watching TV, and still the pets too. I had quite a bit of energy yesterday and was not interested in TV time for the longest while, I am working on some organizing. When I did join the guys they were watching a DVD series called “Justified.” When the time is right to watch it together one of them will say to the other, “Let’s go to Kentucky.” Its their code, their bro language, and it refers to the place where the show is set. Anyways. Russ and Morg went to Kentucky and I later joined them. At that point I didn’t really want TV I just wanted to rest a bit with my guys. So, Russ got up and let me in, I lay in the middle of the bed, with Morg on one side, Russ on the other. I put my earbuds in, closed my eyes and started a podcast I had been wanting to try, it was a meditation for rest. It was a slightly hilarious scenario and I knew that as it was unfolding. As I was guided to take deep breaths and exhale strategically, which might seem a bit woo woo to some, the tight mood of “Justified” was in the background, Russell’s hand was occasionally straying under the cover of the blankets for a quick feel up and Morgan’s cuddle with Coffee Dog was not without some restlessness. This meant that as I was guided to relax I frequently had a part of a dog landing on me. It was my choice to be there and so I just took it all in stride. In truth, as I lay there, I knew, these are the best moments and I need to savor this. I did relax and eventually was recharged and left to make supper. I would be a fool not to be thankful for the warmth of those moments.

Part way through my supper efforts Jill called. I visited with her until supper was ready, then said, “Jill we either have to hang up or you need to come join us at supper.” She opted to join in, we made it a video call and set her at the table so that she could see us and we had a bit of a family dinner. She ate her dinner in Regina while we ate at the ranch. Then she kept us company while we did after supper clean up. Technology sure helps to keep us in close contact. I am thankful for that.

If you want to have a look at what action here looks like this on this snowy morning this 43 second video gives a glimpse. Russ was getting extra feed into the corral to accommodate cows looking for extra shelter. The corral is now quite full of cows that moved in from the shelter up north.

I hope that whatever your day holds you have time and opportunity for Vitamin T, whether its time together with pets or loved ones, treats, travel (maybe a youtube travel video?), touch, teamwork or thankfulness. Vitamin T is good for generating warmth.

The Bar MW Post

As a girl there were certain rituals that marked life and I think back on fondly. At our home in Saskatoon things unfolded pretty routinely in the morning. As a teen and when I was an adult living with my parents I remember the combination of toast with peanut butter, a glass of frozen concentrated orange juice that one of us had mixed up in a jug and lingering at the table with the newspaper. That paper, “The Star-Phoenix” was not only our morning reading but was where my Mom worked. I knew that place from the inside, I can still remember the smell of it, I would describe it as “hot ink.” Anyways, time with a newspaper laid out in front of me is a memory I hold fondly and the sections of the newspaper are very clear to me. It was common to share the paper with others at the breakfast table by each reading one of the sections and then trading when we were ready to. All of this has set me up for todays blog post. My own brief version of a newspaper, what I am calling “The Bar MW Post”.

FRONT PAGE

Crispy Conditions for our Canadian Cows

After a very mild start to winter, as in a warm spell that lasted at least six weeks, reality has hit. Temperatures today, including the windchill are predicted to be -50. It is obvious to say that this is hard on everyone and everything that has to be outside, but I will say it anyways. This is tough. Vehicles, ranchers and cows all struggle. We do what we can to buffer the effects of it. Here in the house we usually turn our heat down to 65F at night, when I went to do that last night Russ said to me, “I think we should leave the heat up Kathy, if the power goes out you will regret having given up those five degrees.” It was a warm night in our house. Russ looked at the forecast for a week from now and it shows things warming up considerably. We will hope for the best. Russ took this picture while out feeding and bedding cows yesterday.

LIFESTYLES

Feature: Getting a Glimpse of Gina

– Our oldest girl moved to Toronto a little over a year ago after finishing her training in musical theatre. She has had an eventful year with important steps being taken. Gina is quite blessed, she has a job that connects to two of her passions, its regular employment, her best friend moved to Toronto shortly after her and they are having a great time as room-mates. Gina is part of the team that cares for the horses that are in the dinner theatre show at Medieval Times. Every day her work gives her the chance to get more and more connected to a beautiful set of horses. Last week she sent us this picture, it was captioned “almost fell asleep in Hercules’ stall today.”

We have gained very few glimpses of the show that Gina is crew with other than when we attended it last March. However, Gina shared this 28 second backstage video with us last week and it wowed me. At the time Gina was working to soothe an anxious horse while it was waiting to go on.

One of the things we are cheering about this week is that Gina is taking advantage of her location in a new way. She is enrolled in some more dance training and just finished a three day intensive course in stage combat. She has already gained intermediate certification with the guild that oversees it in Canada and the U.S. This workshop she has just finished is prepping her to be ready for her advanced level training. She sent us this 18 second video that was taken during the first morning. She was thrilled that after about sixteen months away from doing stage combat things went well.

This next video is 38 seconds, Gina says there is a mess up in the middle, I can’t tell, but these two got affirmed for the way they took care of each other and stayed in sync.

Gina is making the most of being a Torontonian. It is fun to see our girl making her way in the world and getting to do things that she feels passionate about.

This Day in History

15 Years Ago: The picture below marks a day that will go down in family history for a few reasons. Russ and Mike Hubbard were so engrossed in this movie that they didn’t realize that kids who had seen it several times had gone elsewhere and got into some trouble. When I came downstairs to figure out what I was hearing, Russ and Mike were alone watching the movie and there were problems in the laundry room. The movie was “Barbie and the Three Musketeers”, where Barbie leaves her farmgirl life in France behind and goes to Paris where she wangles her way into getting training to become one of the famed sword fighting Musketeers, and she succeeds. That is Gina in the pink shirt on the left. She is engrossed and perhaps starting to get prepared inwardly for some of the challenges that lay ahead for her. Also seen here in the pink easy chair are Russ, Teanna (Mike’s daughter) and Morgan (when his hair was blonde.) Mike is in my Grandma Kyle’s chair with Jill perched behind him. This picture must have been taken before things got crunchy in the laundry room.

Advice Column

the “ANN LANDERS” moments of the week

“Hi Mom, hey, can you talk me through making gravy? I got that roast in the oven, how do I make good gravy?”

That request for advice came from Jill this week. My answer was to direct her to the Bayliss family cookbook where very detailed instructions are found as to how to make Marlene’s great gravy. A key aspect to a good gravy is to get the right thickness, at least thats what we find around here. My key advice is measure your liquids, stir 2 tbsp of flour into cold water for every cup of liquid. (Like 2 cups of hot drippings and 4 cups cold water will make six cups of gravy, so stir 6 x 2 tbsp of flour (3/4 cup) into that cold water and when combined slowly add to the hot drippings). That will provide you with gravy that is just thick enough.

Jill sent us a picture of her plate, she did it!

Consumer Report

While in Estevan this week Russell and I stopped in at Tim Horton’s. I was fairly shocked to look in the display case and see a pan of Walnut Crunch donuts. If you read this “paper” from a place other than Canada you might not know about Tim’s. It is a coffee/donut/diner place that is found in every slightly big community in Canada. Years ago they offered a donut that was both Russell’s and my Dad’s favorite, it was called a “Walnut Crunch.” It was discontinued quite a while ago. Apparently they are temporarily bringing back a “Nostalgia Line” of donuts. This was the first I heard of it. We bought one of these donuts and shared it. We were slightly dissapointed unfortunately. Russ took this picture to send to my sisters, to start a conversation about the good old Walnut Crunch.

Co-op Chips have broken a record in my world. We usually buy Co-op brand because they are cheap. They are not consistent, but we take our chances. The picture below records something doubly remarkable, I opened a bag to find a simply huge chip surrounded by other very large chips and none of them were broken, it was incredible to see as they spilled out into a bowl. I broke this chip into five pieces and that is all I ate from the chips at this meal. Pretty incredible right? Someone at the Co-op chip factory deserves a raise.

SPORTS

Its basketball season again at our place. So far this has not affected life too much, with Morgan driving himself to his practices, we are in a sweet stage of parenting. The game schedule starts soon and that will lead to some fun outings I am sure. We are a weird family, our involvement in sports has been very minimal. Our team sports tend to lean towards all things horse. In early January, when things were warmer, not warm but warmer, we had a little trail-ride at our place organized by our cousin Jenn to celebrate her daughter Emerson’s birthday. This picture is the only team one we have from 2024 so far. (Jenn, Morgan, Jordanna, Emerson, Steve, Merrick, Patrick and Russ).

ENTERTAINMENT

~We have something we are pretty enthused about on our entertainment calendar. Jill is in the midst of rehearsals for her fourth show with Sterling Productions. At the end of March she will be on stage again at Conexus Arts Centre in Regina. She is a member of the adult ensemble. We don’t talk about rehearsals too much but I sense she is really enjoying them. The musical they are getting ready is “The Prom.” Jill sent me a link last week for a cool song from the show called “Love Thy Neighbor”, and suggested we should use it at church. It is a possibility that Jill can wear her grad dress for one of her costumes. We would be really happy to see that dress having another life!

~We have turned into absolute slugs in our down time. I think we are just deep down tired and taking advantage of hibernation hours, especially when its this cold. I ordered a Firestick from Amazon which Russell is over the top about. He calls it revolutionary. Our previous way of pulling in Netflix was not reliable at all. We are now easily binge watching a show which Morgan recommended to us, its called “Community.” Russell especially really loves it. Our show for last year was Seinfeld and the year before was Brooklyn ’99. Russell thinks this is the best of all three. We have had some good conversation about that. Russell’s devotion to this show arises from the fact that it is all about friendship, and the people are good, they don’t use each other without remorse, they don’t lie and work to make things right. It is also very goofy, incredibly creative and tightly written. Its a good package.

THE CLASSIFIEDS

Help Wanted

~When we sold our calves in December one of the buyers who attended the sale approached Morgan about working for him. Morgan is balancing alot in his days already and we have come to rely on him at our ranch, however, its a good season for him to venture out. Several weekends recently have had early starts for us as I have set my alarm for 6am to ensure that Morgan wakes up. He has been on duty with his horse saddled at 8am, helping with the work of a feedlot. He has really been enjoying this and is really no trouble to wake up. (On weekdays Morgan has a reputation for sleeping through his alarm and several wake-up calls.) He has had the chance to meet alot of nice people and he is getting to rope alot. Its going well. The picture below was on the feedlots social media page last week. Thats Morgan on the right.

~We had watering bowl troubles this week and it meant having an electrician working in frigid temperatures to help us out. I don’t have a picture of Jeremy Taylor at work but man oh man do we appreciate him.

~Our skidsteer, after a long, long spell of working tirelessly for us, came up with troubles this week. Our man Ron tried very hard to assess and deal with it but in the end we needed our heavy duty mechanic on the job. Brock Thompson was here and got the main problem fixed. There was a program reset that arose as a problem after he left. Russ got out his “mechanic phone” (a joke term we use to refer to smart phones) and got the problem figured out and fixed. I was pretty darn proud of my guy whose strengths lie in working with four legged and two legged creatures.

In Search Of

The number of people who have asked Russell, “where did you get that hat” leads me to think that maybe people are in search of one. But then again, maybe not. Maybe its just all they can say to register their surprise/concern/amusement when he shows up looking like this:

It is meant to resemble a buffalo, Russ bought it at a gift shop in Cody, Wyoming last June. This picture reveals the reason we had to go to Estevan this week. We were in search of a heating element for a watering bowl. It was the Co-op Agro and our other cousin Jennifer (Kolb) that came to our rescue. You will notice spur straps not watering bowl parts in Russell’s hands. He wandered away to handle a phone call and came back with these. The whole look just made me shake my head and pull out my camera, thats my guy!

THE BACK PAGE

It seems that every publication has their own theme for a back page. Because my blog is about people connection and seeing each other, I want to use this page to highlight moments of heartwarming connection. I really love these two pictures, both taken during our Christmas celebrations in Saskatoon.

This picture which is almost a silhouette takes away some of our individuality as Kyle family but emphasizes our group identity. This is not something we get to experience very often anymore. It means alot.

Conversations

This past week Russ and I had an opportunity. We went to Elkhorn Resort in Manitoba so that Russell could participate in a learning event hosted by a group called “Farmers for Climate Solutions.” He was one of 36 people from the prairie provinces included. This was the first of three sessions through the winter, by the end the goal is to have working strategies ready to put forward to address climate concerns, it will come from the lived perspective of agricultural producers from many sectors. The 36 volunteer delegates were selected randomly from the prairie provinces after they put their names into a draw.

A delegate picture at the end of the days.

I went to get the time away with Russ and I used the hours Russ was in sessions to work on my book. We had quick visits and short walks on his breaks.

We tried to have bear paws like the statue.

The experience was mixed for us. Russ endured listening to some people who appeared to be there to speak more than to listen. They really pushed his buttons. The hospitality experience offered by the resort was weird in several ways for me. No need to elaborate on that here. On the other hand Russ really really appreciated the organizers and presenters, who they were as people and how skilled they were at organizing and presenting. The very tricky conversations about climate, government, science and the realities of agriculture were handled with skill.

As a spouse I was invited to join in for meals and I looked forward to that. Things we took in at those mealtimes, at the pub after the evening sessions and what percolated in Russell’s mind after the meetings meant that interesting conversation was the theme of the week.

The first one I want to tell you about happened when we were at the pub on the second evening. One of the presenters joined us at our table. He is a really dynamic person with a wealth of experience. As the conversation unfolded a man at our table was attempting to understand something better and asking questions in a really vivid way, but the understanding just wasn’t flowing between the two of them, Russ and I sat and took it in, like we were watching someone miss a bus, but try valiantly to run it down. They got to some understanding when they agreed that people with money and power often do not think in terms of the common good. At this point I was feeling a little bummed. We were sitting with someone who had earned the Order of Canada. The way it was going it seemed we were going to sit and stare at a pot of brewing negativity when I had a hunch that a big window with a large and soul satisfying vista was there to look through instead. So when they found that common ground about money, power and the common good I did something that I find really hard to do. I jutted into the conversation and with a question tried to open up the blind that would lead to that big window with the lovely view. I asked, “have you met people that have money and power and care about the common good of all?” A split second of hesitation was followed by a big smile and this reply, “Yes! My mentor, hes 90 years old now and still a going concern.” He proceeded to speak of the volunteer work this man is still doing and the cause he works for and the hundreds of thousands of dollars he is able to raise through his leadership. I honestly can’t remember the cause. The method for the fundraising is to hold a gala to recognize people who were nominated and selected for making a difference in the world and are more than seventy years old. He told us about the seven people honored at the most recent gala. He did alot of talking, which can be hard sometimes, but it was so positive, interesting and inspiring it left me feeling really glad that I had asked and happy to just listen. I had a follow-up question that arose from my curiousity. I asked him, “what would you say motivates these people to keep going hard when its more common to pull back and say ‘I’ve done my part for this world.'” He figured it was the thrill of the chase and the chance to have fun. As I understand his answer it says to me that the thrill of making an impact/making a difference is a big deal and the chance to be doing something where joy/fun/mischief/perspective/light heartedness/forgiveness is present is a huge deal. I left that conversation with much to think about.

Russ and I had lots of conversations about what was being said at the meetings. I was thankful to not be the one in the midst of hours of sessions, but instead to be the receiver of stories and thoughts as Russ debriefed. There are encouraging and smart developments happening in the way of farming practices and resources that Russ started to get a handle on through the sessions. He really enjoyed telling me about them. It was interesting to hear what he had to share. He also told me about weird developments in the meeting like a lady who threatened to leave because someone swore and she is a born again Christian. We both felt alarmed at her willingness to impose her cultural norms on a group with no accountability to her religion. It troubles me that people can’t see that their private beliefs are not the norms of every place they visit, just because they are there. That is just ridiculous. Russ and I are Christians, our faith in God and in ourselves tells us that neither God or us are harmed by swearing, I mean, lets be real, those swear words could have come from our mouths. The bigger issue is the question of what anger and frustration do to harm community life and individuals when not handled well. Perhaps the person who tried to make their point and ended up using a swear word was actually dealing with alot of anger and frustration, while swearing was not ideal, no-one was hurt. The true Christian response may be to have some compassion for someone struggling so hard with their feelings that they lost composure in front of the whole group, instead of that woman making it all about her.

I was working at a computer desk in the hotel, near to another spouse attending when she got a call from her husband that the meetings had wrapped up early. I packed up my laptop and headed down to the meeting room. When I got there I found Russ wasn’t ready to leave. He was in the midst of some good-bye conversations. I sat in his chair and waited for him. It moved me to see him deeply enjoying a few words with one of the presenters. Russ had appreciated him so much. I already knew that the session this man led was incredible, that Russ thought he was one of the smartest men he had ever met but also he had the most amazing ability to make his knowledge into something that his listeners could understand. He is a soil scientist and professor at the University of Manitoba, his name is Mario, but behind his back Russell called him “Super Mario.” To see Russ getting to earnestly engage Mario in some talk made me really happy. I acted creepy and got my camera out to snap a picture of this moment.

When I started this blog on Sunday afternoon I thought those were the three main conversations I wanted to highlight. Mostly in an effort to say, isn’t life interesting? Isn’t being with people challenging? Isn’t it cool to be with people who know stuff and share it in a way that makes you feel ok about being a learner. That was how it started but now its Tuesday afternoon and I have something else to add.

Its winter and that means that our schedule is easier. We have definitely changed gears. In October I was pulling together meals for 30+ people, in January its a big deal to properly answer text messages. Although I feel very low functioning I want to take advantage of the structure and relative ease of January to live a life like I used to. We used to have Sunday suppers back in my Saskatoon days. We always had guests at our table and Mom made beautiful desserts to share. So I said to Russ, “lets have friends over for supper on Sunday.” It shouldn’t feel like a radical thing to host people for a meal but somehow it seemed major to do that for no particular reason. We invited Jackie and Ron and their kids. They were available! They came and we had a lot of fun.

Marisol got cozy with the pets while we visited after supper.

I never did make the memorable dessert I wanted to. We ate leftover Christmas candy and chocolates as our after dinner sweet. There was an awesome moment that I am sharing here because I want to remember the gift that it was. I can’t remember how it got rolling but in a matter of about 30 seconds Ron masterfully accomplished three diverse things, without even trying, or so it seemed. He gave me a really meaningful compliment, he had all of us rolling with laughter and he gave me two really important self care messages. All of this from a guy that usually carries the weight of the world on his shoulders. It was an incredible moment and the bottom line is it was just so fun. So in addition to the isn’t it cool, isn’t it challenging, isn’t it interesting to interact with people observations I made above, I want to add, isn’t it fun and isn’t it surprising how things go?

Isn’t it worth it? Isn’t it worth it to stop hibernating for a time and let ourselves be impacted by human connection. For sure it costs….costs energy, a bit of food, sometimes our inner peace, but most times I think we receive more than we give. So its worth it. Conversing, human to human, really helps to make life fun. I hope the thrill of chasing good conversation and the fun of experiencing people free to be themselves keeps us opening our door and stretching out our table and going to new places as long as we possibly can, well into our old age I hope. Is it too much to suggest that life itself is a thrilling chase?

Gruntled at Christmas

This week I was made aware of the word “gruntled”, the opposite of “disgruntled,” and much more positive! That word describes how I feel as I sit at my computer and consider the week we have known.

On Tuesday Russ and I headed to Regina to see Jill in the musical she was in. The days held some moments of real delight, moments that really encouraged me to feel gruntled.

We attended the show with my Aunt Danna and Uncle Vic. We caught up with Jill in the foyer at intermission. Jill’s role in the show was a parent of school children, that role extended to the foyer time where she was responsible to keep track of her stage kids as they all mingled with the crowd. This is Aunt Danna, Jill and one of her children.

This is a picture Jill shared with us that was taken by the Conexus Arts Centre photographer. It gives a sense of the staging. This was so well done.

A memorable scene from the show (which was “Matilda”) . This is the headmistress Ms. Trunchbull being her mean self. When Jill sent the picture she said, “I love the expressions!” (Another Conexus picture.)

Here is Jill with her stage son and stage daughter and our friend Gabrielle who was also in the show. She and her Mom hosted us in Regina, offering us such warm and generous hospitality. It was a lovely part of our Christmas week.

The time with Aunt Danna and Uncle Vic turned out to be the start of a trend. The next day Russ and I visited with another uncle and aunt. A couple days later I had a message on my phone, from an uncle in Toronto, it included the words “I love you Kath”. I spent the last few days in close contact with Shirley. I am wired in such a way that these moments with my elders and the messages they give me fill my cup. I knew as we pulled away from our Regina visits that a big part of my Christmas was already made.

Enroute home from Regina we detoured to Bengough area where we ended up buying a new to us horse trailer. The family that sold it was a treat to meet. We need a smaller trailer for times when Morgan is hauling only one or two horses for his activities. He is away from us more and more working for others and doing a bit of rodeo stuff. It was quite sobering to be at Bengough, it was 12 degrees there, no snow in sight and no moisture in sloughs. Another reminder of our current blessings. We stopped for supper in a tiny town called Ogema where we discovered a restaurant that served amazing brisket.

The next evening we were at our church for the Blue Christmas service. I was part of a team that worked on it. I put one of those candles in the long row. We placed and lit candles in honor of loved ones or challenges we have. In my memory my Mama’s light burns bright.

Russ has a tradition of gifting each of us a book he wants to share with us. He inscribes each one and does a great job of it.

By this point on Friday we knew that Canada Post had not delivered Gina her box with her stocking and gifts from us. She did not come home for Christmas. She is saving time off for calving season and cow chase, which is awesome when it happens but a pill for all of us to swallow in these days. Her days have been full. She and her room-mate have just moved to a new apartment, one of my favorite memories of her this week is the video she sent that Evelyn took. It was Gina driving a U-Haul moving truck through the streets of Toronto, singing and capable. It had a mood to it that I just loved. I am proud of Gina for her strength and resilience in moving, dealing with no gift box (it has been in Toronto for days but hasn’t made it to her house according to the tracking, now to be delivered tomorrow) and being away from all the family Christmas time hubbub. She has dealt with it honestly, both tears and a chin up. What a girl.

Later on Friday Morgan returned from shopping in Estevan. He had a few gifts bought for Jordanna. He and Russ posed, it strikes me that all three characters in this picture have beautiful eyes.

Christmas eve was special. There is a whole story here that might get told another day. An unexpected hi-lite was a long long visit with friends we had not seen in a while.

After church we spent some time with our advent candle wreath and opened up our ornaments for this year. Jill was glowing.

Russell’s ornament for this year marks the joy he found in inventing a beverage “recipe” and serving it to many friends over the year. It started when Anja was with us and Russ was worried he was working her too hard and she was going to fade away. They would come in for a 2nd breakfast in the morning and Russ would get things rolling by making Anja a hot chocolate. He got fancy with it and it delighted her and others over the year. When I ordered the ornament I knew it was hot chocolate he made, not coffee, I could picture the mountain of whipped cream, caramel and chocolate syrups drizzled over top, but mistakenly I called it Hobbit Coffee and I guess that is how on this ornament it will be memorialized. The word Hobbit is applied to the recipe because in the movie Lord of the Rings the hobbits eat several times a day, with glee. When Russ and Anja came in for a second breakfast (which Russ always cooked), they were living like Hobbits.

I am a very sentimental person. I will always remember this part of my Christmas experience. I had lots of help with final preparations but when Russ and Jill finally went to bed, thinking almost everything was done, Grandma Shirley wouldn’t quit me. We had been working on wrapping together for a long while with a pretty good strategy. I got the paper in place and she applied the tape. Our shared effort, her earnest seriousness about her job and her 90 year old fingers just combined to make some holy moments. A humorous moment topped it all off, we will likely fold into family lore as the years go by. At 1:24am we were done. Shirley went to the kitchen. She popped back to the table and said, “is the time on the stove right?” I said, “I’m not sure Shirley.” I checked my watch, “its 1:24 Shirley, what does the stove say?” She replied, “it says 5:20, and I was thinking, if its 5:20am we don’t even need to bother going to bed!” I love that zest. She is legendary!

Knightwing came inside for the start of the morning and made sure she was the first to get a greeting from Grandma Shirley when she arose (this was 7:25am).

At our place whoever has the job of handing out gifts from the tree has to put the hat on, we take turns being “Santa.” I started it off and Russ made me pose. I am pretty thrilled by the new Christmas Onesie I am wearing. A result of discovering, thanks to my sister Margie, that Old Navy sells many clothes for tall women.

Russ wanted Morg to have these goggles for the times when we cowboy in blizzards, they were part of his Christmas morning plunder. I can’t find the words to talk about this picture though.

As the sun rose it revealed a beautiful still morning and hoar frost on the trees. It was a white Christmas for us, in more than one way.

We had a nice visit with Jordanna’s family mid afternoon on this gorgeous Christmas day.

We have had new traditions develop in recent years, they include gathering with friends and family for a planned potluck Christmas supper. The guest list changes every year depending on who is available. We had a really fun supper last night.

Our friend Mark is in this picture with Grandma Shirley. Mark and Russ have been friends with Shirley’s family since their school days.

While sitting in my spot I got a text from Jill who was further down the table. It is seen here below.

I love this text. It says to me, “I see you Mom.” She knows how my brain works.

Sharon was extremely popular when clean-up started.

In the coming week Russ and I will be celebrating our 23rd wedding anniversary. The way time flies just wows me.

A little housekeeping….I checked with my people here and the guests in the pictures and they say the words and pictures shared of them are okay.

And in conclusion, I am tired but I feel more whole than I did a week ago, I am definitely gruntled. These days are full and hard and wonderful and trying and very capable of stirring so many feelings. I hope in these days after Christmas the pace of things allows the gruntled moments to shine bright for you.