Hello again,

Sorry I have been away from the blog for several weeks. In a time when alot of interesting things have been happening on the ranch I have struggled for the time but moreso the will to put words to paper.

There is a concept called “writers block”, I find myself saying I have that.  In my case it is not so much being stumped as feeling cautious and confused.

I have a situation hanging over my head that feels like a cloud when I spend any time thinking about it. I got an email a month or so ago from a media company in England.  The email contained a screenshot from an old post on my blog. The screenshot included a picture that I had downloaded off the internet and used in my post. I was told that I had used this image without a license and I must buy one. The license fee for this company’s work is 670 pounds, about $1150 Canadian. I thought it was a scam. I did a little research to ease my mind. It was not a scam.

My side of the story is that a couple of years ago I did a blog post about identity.  In that post I included a story about a time when a stranger hustled up to me at the banana counter at the Safeway on Cumberland Ave.  She rather breathlessly  said, “you must be Nancy Kerrigan’s sister!” She was very reluctant to believe I was not. It was funny to experience, fun to remember and formed a small part of the overall story in the blog I wrote. In 1994, when I met with this strangers insistence, Nancy Kerrigan was a figure skater competing in the Winter Olympics.   There were many pictures of Nancy at the Olympics on the internet, I chose one owned by this company.   When I downloaded the image I didn’t know to pay attention to sourcing. At my age I should have, but I didn’t. I suspect that at a subconscious level I could not imagine that a 30 year old picture of an event most people had almost forgot about was of current licensing concern. I was wrong.  

I replied to the email with an apology and assurance that I had learned my lesson.  I told them I had removed the photo in question from the blog and that I blog for pleasure and I do not make a penny from this writing.  I informed them that there had been 135 views of the post. (Now, about that, clearly I am not an internet sensation, but from my point of view, as a preacher in a small town this vastly outnumbers the number of people I get to speak to on a working Sunday. Blogging feels rewarding!) This means that if I pay the fine I have a cost of  about $8 per view. That is ridiculous. I asked the company to drop the case. Their response was that surely I could understand that they had steep costs relating to their documenting work and they could not just drop the case. They have sent further emails to remind me of the fine. I have been ignoring them.  I have checked with attorneys in my circle and also my banker. None of them had clear guidance as international law is not any of their specialties. I am trying to figure out what to do next.  As I mull all this over I get testy and I feel cornered. The snarky side of my brain thinks they have a pretty pitiful business model if they have to rely on cases like this to pay their bills. I try to snap out of that snarkiness and just handle this, one step at a time, but the pressing issues relating to calving and ministry are right in front of me and feel real, while this license situation feels like it comes from a different world altogether.

So I feel cautious. Perhaps in the back of my mind I wonder, “when am I going to make the next mistake, without even knowing it?” Better to just not say anything.

Besides that I am trying to sort out for myself something about my own mission for this blog.  I have been sidetracked by feedback that some posts are not exciting enough.  I have been swayed by other influencers who care alot about statistics for views and followers.  I catch myself thinking about how to do this to attract as many readers as possible.   All of that messes with me, because of how I am wired.  A small story…..When I was in university I took singing lessons.  My teacher was a professional opera singer.  She said to me, “Kathy, if you want to, you could make a living at this.”  I knew right away, I didn’t have it in me.  Despite my terrible memory I remember that moment of conversation very clearly, it was a defining moment for me.  Its when I fessed up to myself that  I am not a very competitive person and I don’t want to jump into the dog eat dog world of marketing myself.   I am what I am, take it or leave it.  I have been thinking lately that if I am going to have what it takes to keep writing here, and to keep writing our book, I am going to have to give myself permission to write for me and not worry about how it lands.   This feels very liberating.  It feels like taking back a little space for myself, something I really value. 

A few things are swirling within but somehow it does feel like clarity is coming.  It helps me to share with blog readers the background story of these days.  I like getting the chance to explain myself so thanks for reading this far.

I am sitting here thinking that this blog needs a picture. I love working with pictures.   Here are a few recent pictures that mean alot to me and give a glimpse of much bigger stories.