There are many things that have been taking our attention over recent days. I want to write about them and tell you a bit about how things affect me.
Can I tell you about Friday? We woke up to awful weather, snow falling on top of a good amount of rain, everything was icy and crusty and there was no sun to be seen. Buses were canceled so Morgan stayed home and helped at the ranch. Our goal for the day was to get regular chores done, then wean the grassers (the cows born late in the calving season who will stay with us through next summer). After weaning we needed to give them Ivomec and Vit A & D. After that we wanted to bring in our replacement heifers and take out their calf tags, install their cow tags and give them Ivomec and Vit A & D. The day didn’t go exactly smoothly with weather to contend with so we were very thankful Morgan was around. The problem is that on this particular day we didn’t have the luxury of things going over time. We were due in Carnduff at 6:30 to join friends Russell and Morgan had helped at their cattle sale last week. We were invited to a “thanks for your help” kind of gathering. A gloomy afternoon, a general feeling of struggle, a frustration that we were going to be late had me saying to Russ “can’t we wait to do the heifers?” Its always so hard to weigh what has to be done NOW and what can wait. When is social time and meeting social committments more important than checking things off the list? This is an eternal dilemma for many people. I posed my question to Russ, unsure of how he would be thinking about things. Before too long he said, “we are going to have to miss attending Valarie’s event on Sunday and we will do the heifers then.” It felt so good to be reasonable in our expectations of ourselves. We got to the Flying M on time and enjoyed visiting there, sharing relaxed moments with our friends who had worked so hard for so long. We came home and went straight to bed, anticipating a very stressful day with an early start on Saturday.
Saturday we had the vet coming at 7am to check every adult cow for its pregnancy status. We were very nervous. The word around the area is that pregnancy rates have been lower than average. Its alot of mental work to reckon with that. My brain was wandering to, “what if?” and different scenarios unfolded. What if we had half our herd open, as in not pregnant, not bred…..what would we do? The bottom line I came to is that like everything else we have encountered on this ranch, we will figure it out as it goes. Those first few animals checked leave a person with baited breath, three in a row declared “good” by the vet lets a person breathe a little. It wasn’t long before I realized we were going to be okay. There was not an unfolding disaster. In fact, as the sun rose and flooded our working chute area through our big front door, as the results brought some ease to our thinking, as our crew grew we found the day going smoothly and we had some fun. I find days like this to be a spiritual work-out. I think anytime you reckon with a dance between worry, fear, and gratitude you are in spiritual territory. God and I had quite a few visits through the day.
That was my take on Saturday. Russell’s day was similiar territory of much concern and gratitude but from a different perspective as crew boss. He speaks of the logistics such as recruiting a crew to be on hand, including the vet there were 9 of us. It is no small thing to have all the cows ready to move into the working chute, that meant a 5am alarm, being at the barn and saddling up in order to get cows moved in as early as he, Morgan and Laurie could manage it. His planning worked. Cows were in the alleyway at 7am, extra cowboys were there at 8am for another round up of cows. That means alot of pieces fell into place. From my perspective I see Russ reckoning hard with his feelings of worry, frustration, pride, relief and gratitude and seeking to do so with wisdom. He manages this dance so well that I think most people don’t realize the load he carries, almost constantly.
Saturday night had us freshly showered and excited. For the first time ever we had been invited to Carnduff Filipino Christmas. Russ was thrilled, he has been wanting to attend for years. They had a theme, it was “Cowboy Christmas”, when we were given our invitation these words were said as it was handed over, “we can’t have Cowboy Christmas without the original Carnduff cowboy!” The Filipino community has been a vital and growing part of Carnduff and area for 17 years. Russell is maybe THEIR original Carnduff cowboy, but they didn’t get to see Bill Boyes or Larry Ewart in action. The original Carnduff cowboy goes much further back than my favorite cowboy! The Christmas celebration was vibrant, the hall was full and beautifully decorated and there was much love and joy, much community spirit and cultural pride in the air. It was noisy but it was great to be in the middle of. It really got me thinking about what makes community life healthy. I think our Filipino friends have alot of things figured out. There is something irresistible about good food, warm smiles, joy and caring, about being free to bust loose and be yourself. It was all evident on Saturday night. We left quite early, despite our gladness to be there, the alarm had gone off at 5am and we were whooped.
Sunday morning Russ and Morg did some ranch jobs and I got to go to church in our hometown. I was so torn really. I had awoken early and was going great guns making a Christmas present. I stopped at the absolute last minute, threw on some clothes and got to town. I was glad I did. Despite the fact that our church life is changing I love our little community and the online worship experience we share with Regina is something I am really enjoying.
Sunday afternoon had us doing the job we had put off on Friday. Morg, Russ and I got our replacement heifers through the chute. It went fine, they came in as really nice calves and left as young and promising cattle, their calf tag removed from them and their adult tag, with their lifetime name installed. This year we assigned our replacement heifers with names of restaurants and food we order in restaurants as our theme. It was a pretty fun one to work with. Working at the chute is always awkward for me at first. This is not my background or my strength, their is a bit of a dance that needs to happen as we figure out how best to manage all the various tasks that need to be done. It might seem obvious, but there are subtle variations that get figured out such as who has free partial moments to load taggers or syringes? If we can all be flexible and jump in to make each others work go more smoothly we can really become like a well oiled machine. It is often overwhelming for me at the start and feels pretty fantastic by the end. There is such a feeling of accomplishment. There is also a sense of learning, again and again, that chipping away at a big job, like putting the whole herd through the chute, one by one, will eventually see the job getting done. I think about this life wisdom every time as we are living it out.
After working pretty darn hard all weekend and spending the afternoon on tags with restaurant titles and meals Russ declared that we needed to go out for supper. We did. We were back at the Flying M, where some of our favorite Filipinos connect with us as they run the restaurant. It was a great way to end the weekend. But we were not quite done yet. We basically invited ourselves to cousin Laurie’s house afterward, where he and Lynn hosted us for drinks at their Tiki Bar and shared their fresh baked shortbread cookies. They were delicious.
Here are a few pictures from the days we had.
As I wrap this up I am unsure how to do it. I have been distracted in these days by the meaningfulness of so many things that are unfolding, some of them mentioned here, many things not. I have been absorbed in recent days and months by the story of a Jesuit priest named Father Gregory Boyle. He runs a gang rehab in L.A. I think I have mentioned him before. I am re-reading one of his books right now and was struck by this sentence this week, “being alert to the sacred in our midst is a choice that gets more sure as we practice it.” A couple months ago I conducted a funeral for someone involved with the AA movement. I wanted to understand some of the AA precepts better and I did some research. I read a line that connected with me so strongly that I wrote it down and taped it to the shelf in front of me at my desk. It contains the word “practice” just as that first quote did saying, “the healing process isn’t a cure, its a practice that must be undertaken daily.” A man named Jim Haggerty wrote that. Somehow these two quotes affect my sense of permission to recognize how dogs on the bed, dirty coveralls and muddy boots filling my porch, sharing space with such a variety of people and working so hard alongside people I love is all sacred and part of my healing from grief and despair about the world. I recognize God in the love and in the gratitude that is really affecting my days.
As Far As The Eye Can See 